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Hello, I'm new here

H

Hana26

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Nov 26, 2020
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World
Hello everyone,

I'm a 33 years old woman - long story short, I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents for many years, which shattered my self esteem and later led to a bunch of issues - depression, anxiety, fear of abandonment,...
My past love relationships were pretty much all toxic, the latest one really broke me - ex partner was deceiving, diminishing, emotionally abusive and rejected me in the intimacy, the little self esteem I had left died.

Since it ended, I've been trying to get somewhere in life, went back to studying, tried to make friends, be more independent, etc... but I am still nowhere near where I'd like to be after 3 painful years, especially in terms of career.
I failed at making the right type of friends, those I have turned out to be toxic in ways I can't deal with anymore at this point. I am seeing a therapist and I see a lot of personal growth but I'm still stuck in life with depression and anxiety.

Hoping to connect with people who can relate / are going through struggles or have gotten to a good place and can share their wisdom x
 
I

Intareseid

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Nov 7, 2020
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187
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Welcome.

I actually really understand your words, it's a bit of a chicken and egg dilemma, isn't it? all the mental issues make it difficult to form healthy, productive relationships and filter out the bad elements while at the same time recovery often requires to some degree having a proper support network. So the two issues really feed on each other without any easy solution.

If I could hazard to give any one small piece of advice, it would be maybe to try and work with your therapist on the skills necessary for detecting toxic people. There's no guarantee you can find good people but at least it can be within your power to filter out the bad ones before they can do you any further harm.
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Hi Hana welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
H

Hana26

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Nov 26, 2020
Messages
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Thank you so much, I tend to see the red flags early on but keep giving chances and forgiving/let things slide until I'm way entangled in toxicity. I have to toughen up and be less trusting / naive : p
 
Bluejay7500

Bluejay7500

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Apr 10, 2020
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planet earth
Thank you so much, I tend to see the red flags early on but keep giving chances and forgiving/let things slide until I'm way entangled in toxicity. I have to toughen up and be less trusting / naive : p
Well it’s easy to share here so you don’t have to worry to much. We all post about our illnesses and toxicity either way.

feel free to post and share.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,359
Welcome to the Forum :) As people we generally build upon previous experiences. If our upbringings haven't been what they should have been, we may well need to be educated in minimum expectations that we should expect from others' and create lines that we won't allow others' to cross and know how to effectively deal with situations should those lines get crossed. We might need to get a better understanding of people, their motives and Human Nature in general. We may well build more rewarding interactions/friendships etc. when we connect with others' who share our interests and/or values. Rather than beating ourselves up for something that's not our fault, we'd probably do better drawing lines under previous mistakes, learning the lessons and moving on. Relationships are two-way streets, not everything can be totally our fault :) We develop and grow through learning and understanding. Hope this helps :)
 
D

Deleted member 95740

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I think when you're younger and affected by serious trauma such as abuse, you carry this with you throughout your life through no fault of your own. This weight that you carry within you is like a magnet to the sick, twisted, evil people who unfortunately exist in our world. It's not always easy to see these people until it is too late. They can appear very genuine through their deception.
It's so understandable that depression and anxiety hang around you like a dark cloud, but it will fade through time and you can become stronger.
My advice would be to continue getting any help available to you and to try and be kind to yourself. Learn to be compassionate to yourself and accept yourself. You didn't deserve any of this and you certainly never asked for this. I know through personal experience how difficult it is to turn your life around after traumatic events and it seems at times impossible or even pointless. But it can be done. You can learn to trust and love again with patience and understanding. I feel for you with the hurt and suffering you experience and I wish you well as you begin your journey to having a better way of life. Best wishes to you 🙂
 
H

Hana26

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2020
Messages
98
Location
World
Welcome to the Forum :) As people we generally build upon previous experiences. If our upbringings haven't been what they should have been, we may well need to be educated in minimum expectations that we should expect from others' and create lines that we won't allow others' to cross and know how to effectively deal with situations should those lines get crossed. We might need to get a better understanding of people, their motives and Human Nature in general. We may well build more rewarding interactions/friendships etc. when we connect with others' who share our interests and/or values. Rather than beating ourselves up for something that's not our fault, we'd probably do better drawing lines under previous mistakes, learning the lessons and moving on. Relationships are two-way streets, not everything can be totally our fault :) We develop and grow through learning and understanding. Hope this helps :)
You're absolutely right! ☺
 
H

Hana26

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2020
Messages
98
Location
World
I think when you're younger and affected by serious trauma such as abuse, you carry this with you throughout your life through no fault of your own. This weight that you carry within you is like a magnet to the sick, twisted, evil people who unfortunately exist in our world. It's not always easy to see these people until it is too late. They can appear very genuine through their deception.
It's so understandable that depression and anxiety hang around you like a dark cloud, but it will fade through time and you can become stronger.
My advice would be to continue getting any help available to you and to try and be kind to yourself. Learn to be compassionate to yourself and accept yourself. You didn't deserve any of this and you certainly never asked for this. I know through personal experience how difficult it is to turn your life around after traumatic events and it seems at times impossible or even pointless. But it can be done. You can learn to trust and love again with patience and understanding. I feel for you with the hurt and suffering you experience and I wish you well as you begin your journey to having a better way of life. Best wishes to you 🙂
Thank you so much, there is a long way to go but the will is there ♥
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,359
Don't be afraid to make the most of your time with your Therapist, that is afterall what they are there for, and don't be afraid to lean on the Forum either, we are more than happy to support and help best we can. :)
 
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