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Hello i'm new here...

J

Jwei

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Jakarta
Hi..
I'm new here..
I'm 31 yo male...

I always have this problem with how i always overthinking stuff whenever someone stop talking or talk with me in different way..

I think i have this problem because I've been bullied since school and my defense mechanism is smile.. I always try to think hey as long as they happy it's okay.. So i just took it...

At college i always been the quite guy who sit in the corner and keep his head down.. So i didn't really had a friend because I'm afraid that the Billy cycle will continue...

I had a group of friend eventually, but the thing i afraid off actually happen.. Which makes me seriously stressed so much i develop a habit where i can lash out verbally to whoever near me.. And when i told them please stop doing what they doing.. They just gonna say "hey we're your friend we're just trash talking, dont be so angry" which always makes me thinking am i the problem? Am i the one who can't take a joke..

I eventually find a new group of friend who actually can understand my condition... And i somehow can keep my anxiety and overthinking down...

But lately the cycle repeating it self... People start talking to me differently like whenever i have an opinion about stuff they just gonna ignore it.. And whenever stuff go wrong where we usually can talk it calmly now become hostile..

A couple days ago i just told them hey this isn't how we used to be.. But the everyone one was like.. We dont have a problem.. U sure u're not making it? Dont overthinking it.. And now everyone starts making fun of me by using the thing i told them...

My one friend who i always respect and think of him almost like a brother now feel distant..

Like i feel that my friend starting to getting tired of me..

I just don't know what to do...
Like am i overthinking stuff?
I don't want to but my brain keeps thinking about it..
And when i reach the limit..
I just lash out... Sometimes it's random.. Like i don't know where's this anger coming from and i want it to stop but i can't stop it until it's too late.. And after that happen i feel like shit and apologizing to them... But i feel they had enough of me... And i afraid im gonna lose another group of friend.. And im not that good at talking with people..

I never when to psychiatrist because i don't want my family to be concerned.. I have a wife and beautiful 1 yo daughter... I dont want to burden them with what i have...

Thats why i find this forum and hope there's a help for me...

Sorry for grammar error and if my story is over convoluted.. Im not good with words and i sometimes dont know what im talking about.
 
A

Acobj

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
13
Location
South Carolina
Hello, jwei
I can sense your frustration in dealing with this problem. How do you think your family would react if they knew you were seeking help with your issue? Is it possible they already are aware of your problem? Do they need to know that you are seeking help? While there may be others on this forum who have similar issues, no one here is qualified to diagnose or treat you. I don't know how mental health issues are viewed in your country, but it sounds like you are concerned with possible stigma, embarrassment or humiliation for seeking help. If so, act with discretion, but do what is right for you in the long run. You will be benefiting your family as well as yourself.
 
Warrior

Warrior

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
1,518
Location
UK
Hello @Jwei :welcome: to the forum and nice to have you with us :)

It sounds from your earlier years that your personality as built up a defense mechanism and your waiting for the slightest issue to arise and i can imagine the 10ft wall barrier going up straight away. You need to work around this and therapy would help you a great deal as you can lose more friends in this process going on, it's no fault of your own your just being cautious.:hug5:

 
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