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Hello, I'm new here and could really use some help.

thelonelyjedi

thelonelyjedi

Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Virginia
I just joined. I found this forum browsing google looking for places I haven't tried yet to get some advice and maybe make some friends. Other sites and forums I have tried, I either got mean replies or no replies at all but this forum seems different. I'm lonely and I live in a toxic household with 2 female family members and I get made fun of and blamed for everything constantly. I'm not allowed to do much or go anywhere even though I'm in my 30s. The only person who keeps me going is my boyfriend but we live in 2 different states currently because of complications with family mostly. Lately I have been made to feel like a burden and that I should have never been born because I have social anxiety and possibly autism but have never been diagnosed because nobody wants to truly believe it. I don't have health insurance anymore because my state just passed a new law not accepting my insurance anymore. I don't have a job because I panic at just the thought of having an interview and constantly have what ifs in my head about getting fired, yelled at, breaking things ect. I was going to college until I ran out of money and couldn't get financial aid. I finally have a car again after not having one for years. One of the people I live with is really mean and judgemental. She jumps all over me basically calling me a burden, that I shouldn't be alive, thinks who I am and everything I love is stupid. I do act younger than my age but I have always been that way. One minute she's all supportive and helpful and the next she's bullying me and making fun of my anxiety and my boyfriend's Autism, she makes fun of both of our weights, and threatens to expose us even though there is nothing to expose. I'm just really scared of her. I feel like she wants to take away everything that makes me who I am. I just want to be so far away. I have 2 cats, I love Star Wars, anything to do with the paranormal, photography, drawing, writing, baking, and I used to enjoy making YouTube videos and it took a long time for me to be comfortable on camera and it's still hard for me sometimes but I got made fun of for my videos by that same person who also listens to everything I do, looks at everything I post on my social media accounts, and even watches me sleep. I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice that would be most appreciated. Thank you for reading.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
10,795
Location
England
:welcome:
I'm sorry your situation is so difficult
Can you think of any way to make things less stressful?
Have you spoken to your family about how you feel?
 
D

Daniel4705

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2021
Messages
53
Location
USA
I'm sorry for what you're dealing with and only wish I had a magic answer.

The only thing I might say is that you need to begin planning your independence. It's very easy to say and very hard to do, which is why it's something which needs to be planned. Set goals now. The trouble is that we all want change to be immediate. That's not always possible. But when you set realistic goals and work towards them, they actually do become possible.

What you love is not stupid. Don't let anyone tell you it is. The best advice I never got was from an old woman, many years ago. She told me "Figure out what you love in life and then find a way to get paid for it".

Take some time and think about what you want and then start working towards making it happen.
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,682
Location
US
Hey, @thelonelyjedi, welcome to the forum. Really sorry you're going through such a hard time. Sounds like the home environment is not helping with your anxiety or life in general. Not sure what the answer may be to that, but it sounds really damaging and not like what you need to be around. I have social anxiety as well, I get what you mean about the job fears, I am the same way. But I'm glad you made it on here, the people here are supportive and understanding. They can likely offer up some good advice. It's a good start to get on here, and I'm sorry for your health insurance issues, maybe someone from Virginia will chime in with some advice on that.

In any case, I really hope you find it helpful here, it can be great to just say what you can't say at home or around others, what you keep bottled up and what makes you feel isolated. Social anxiety is a tough one but there is help out there that works. So, ignore those other sites and any other social media that is giving negative feedback, and keep talking here. xx
 
writingaboutthestars

writingaboutthestars

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 9, 2021
Messages
45
Location
Watching the rain
I just joined. I found this forum browsing google looking for places I haven't tried yet to get some advice and maybe make some friends. Other sites and forums I have tried, I either got mean replies or no replies at all but this forum seems different. I'm lonely and I live in a toxic household with 2 female family members and I get made fun of and blamed for everything constantly. I'm not allowed to do much or go anywhere even though I'm in my 30s. The only person who keeps me going is my boyfriend but we live in 2 different states currently because of complications with family mostly. Lately I have been made to feel like a burden and that I should have never been born because I have social anxiety and possibly autism but have never been diagnosed because nobody wants to truly believe it. I don't have health insurance anymore because my state just passed a new law not accepting my insurance anymore. I don't have a job because I panic at just the thought of having an interview and constantly have what ifs in my head about getting fired, yelled at, breaking things ect. I was going to college until I ran out of money and couldn't get financial aid. I finally have a car again after not having one for years. One of the people I live with is really mean and judgemental. She jumps all over me basically calling me a burden, that I shouldn't be alive, thinks who I am and everything I love is stupid. I do act younger than my age but I have always been that way. One minute she's all supportive and helpful and the next she's bullying me and making fun of my anxiety and my boyfriend's Autism, she makes fun of both of our weights, and threatens to expose us even though there is nothing to expose. I'm just really scared of her. I feel like she wants to take away everything that makes me who I am. I just want to be so far away. I have 2 cats, I love Star Wars, anything to do with the paranormal, photography, drawing, writing, baking, and I used to enjoy making YouTube videos and it took a long time for me to be comfortable on camera and it's still hard for me sometimes but I got made fun of for my videos by that same person who also listens to everything I do, looks at everything I post on my social media accounts, and even watches me sleep. I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice that would be most appreciated. Thank you for reading.
that sounds awful.
I'm in a toxic situation myself, but I plan to leave it soon because I'm saving up money to buy a house. Are you sure you can't find something to help realise the stress. Also I love paranomal stuff too. Maybe try cooking or writing to help you realise the stress. Or, drawing, those sort of task are normally very helpful in removing stress.
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
7,212
Location
Norway
Hi thelonelyjedi welcome to the forum :welcome:

I love Star Wars to :)
 
Bod

Bod

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
5,774
Location
Planet POSITIVE
Hello, I am sorry you are struggling at this time but it will get better for you and I hope you can get the help and advice needed here.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
6,951
Location
A comet
Hello thelonelyjedi, welcome to the forum.
 
thelonelyjedi

thelonelyjedi

Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Virginia
Thank you all so much. I do draw and write poetry to release the stress when I can. It just gets me down sometime. I already have very low self esteem and self confidence already. I look forward to posting here more. :peace:
 
Bod

Bod

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
5,774
Location
Planet POSITIVE
I use to love writing poetry many ears ago, and if that helps you a bit then that is great plus the more you talk the better you will start to feel.
 
writingaboutthestars

writingaboutthestars

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 9, 2021
Messages
45
Location
Watching the rain
Thank you all so much. I do draw and write poetry to release the stress when I can. It just gets me down sometime. I already have very low self esteem and self confidence already. I look forward to posting here more. :peace:
I agree with the last post. The more you talk the better you will start to feel. So, hopefully this site might also help you. I write poetry myself and it isn't a perfect method, but it helps a lot and if possible running can also help. I know that's a bit hard to do with lockdown in some areas. But running helps a far bit. It also gives you time to get away from them for a few hours.
 
thelonelyjedi

thelonelyjedi

Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Virginia
I agree with that. I try to get away when I can.
 
D

dinkydavies22

New member
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
South Derbyshire
Sounds like a right Bully , can’t imagine living in close proximity of someone kind that and it willl certainly not help your anxiety
 
L

Lara Craft

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 5, 2021
Messages
56
Location
Western cape
Welcome thelonelyjedi

I find paranormal stories very interesting
cannot draw but love to doodle

extremely brave of you to do youtube videos wow i cannot even accept video calls on my phone.
just not brave enough

i have 3 cats and two dogs, which reminds me i have to go and feed now

sending you so much light
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,344
The problem with opinionated, judgemental and critical people is they can take a huge toll on someone's mental well-being. In such situations it's important to create healthy boundaries, and not to take their negativity onboard unless it's progress for you. If it's having a negative impact on your self-esteem etc. it's clearly not. I think if it were me, (as someone else suggested), I think I would find ways to build my own independence. That might mean taking a job I'm not particularly over the moon about, but if you're earning and have a element of financial freedom, it does open up doors and possibilities to enhance your quality of life. Speaking of quality of life, are there things you can do to not only put yourself in the driving seat of your life, but also bring happiness in your life too. You mentioned having interests, reach out and share them (this Forum could be one place amongst others to do that). Personally I think developing and flourishing in the areas that interest us the most can be very fulfilling and rewarding and great for our self-esteem, self-belief. You are unique and special, celebrate what sets you apart from everyone else. Hope this helps :)
 
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