Hello. I just joined and I need crucial feedback

[CharlieBrown2030]

I wish I had the ability to truly introduce myself..I honestly need feedback. I am in a toxic environment and I am an adult, but very young. I am trying to live my life and I suffer with Social Anxiety, CPTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety. I also have issues with my identity as I dealt with childhood abuse, sexual assault, and bullying. My mother was never mentally present as a parent and never sought much help for her trauma. She has not got effective help from therapy and she went there because of a separation of a narcissistic person who was my father. My mother stays at a job that reinforces her self-esteem issues and still battered. I had to grow up really early in life and I spent a lot of time by myself. Currently, we are staying at an AirBnb since March. There were a lot of opportunities to get an apartment. My mother's mental health is getting progressively worse yet I have nowhere to stay. No homeless shelters would take me in because of my age..and at the time, I was working. My last day is on the 18th of this month. I quit because of the lack of ethics and the impact on My mental health. My family is unsupportive to taking care of my mental health and my mother is refusing to take action because she does not want help. I have no savings because of her and my sister is emotionally abusive. I really want to know what I can do next to find a job that is good for work-life balance. I can figure out about wage..but what can I do to get myself out of this?

 

[Nukelavee]

My opinion?

Your plans should be to cover you, not your mother, at this point. I mean, if you are getting no form of support, you need to reserve your energy for yourself.

In my experience, you need a home of your own. A place for you, where you can be safe; a place to retreat to. That will make everything else more tolerable.

I don't know about your area, but, here (in Ontario, Canada), a crisis center would be a good place to go with these questions. They aren't just for having a meltdown, they offer some counselling, but they also know what services and programs that could help you, and how to access them.

So - try to find something like that, where people who know the system can help you navigate it for you.

May I ask how old you are?

 

[CharlieBrown2030]

I am 21.

 

[CharlieBrown2030]

And thank you so much for your feedback. I really need to get out of here.

 

[CharlieBrown2030]

And I am New Jersey...

 

[Purpleplum]

What about going to a shelter now since you're 21 now?

 

[Nukelavee]

The plus side of being 21 is you don't need your parent's permission, legally, for any of the steps you take.

I advise you write out this stuff, notes for yourself. Figure out your needs vs wants, stuff you must have vs what would be nice. Write out your plan for getting a job and a place. Anxiety and depression make our thinking sloppy, they can make us overlook options. God knows it happens to me.

So, I've learned to deal with stressful, complex issues by writing things out a few times, coming up with the best most complete version I can, and then using that to guide me.

 

[CharlieBrown2030]

So many rejected me.. because of my story and at the time, I was working. One told me I should stay with my mom because I am young. It made me feel like they didn't take any of this as an emergency. If I mention suicidal ideation, they take me to another place where I would be hospitalized even though I am still covered under my abuser's insurance.

 

[CharlieBrown2030]

I wrote so much down and I literally don't know anyone who will take me seriously. Then, if I attempt suicide.. there would be so much at stake.

 

[Nukelavee]

Don't consider that step.

 

[CharlieBrown2030]

I feel like my whole life is a punishment

 

[Nukelavee]

Well, you've had little control over it, for certain.

I've experienced times like you are in before, I know how hard it is, and how low it makes you feel.

On the other hand, getting through this, and having the control to make your life what you want, is a powerful feeling. I mean, it is possible to make your life worth living.