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Hello I’m putting this out there any input is appreciated

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Jess007

New member
Joined
Jan 16, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Usa
Help what’s wrong with me is it ocd anxiety depression ptsd.... I need help feel alone

Let’s see I’m in my 30s three kids under age 8. I’ve always had problems with worrying, feelings of impending doom but they have really got worse. I would say I definitely have anxiety I get knots in my back, shoulders and neck I assume from tense muscles. I’ve been to er twice thinking I was having heart attack they say anxiety or panic attack. I’ve broke out with hives, blah blah blah. Let’s go back to me being a mom. I would say after my 1st child was born 8 years ago honestly it seems these anxiety things have got worse. Almost immediately I feel drained fatigued, unable to focus, and constant worry something is going to happen to me or my kids or husband. I can be driving down the road and I imagine a car ramming there back of my mini van... or getting in a crash. Anytime I have to drive at night or in the rain or ice My hands are clenched fisted on the wheel whole body tensed until I arrive where I’m going. Crazy huh! I do avoid a lot of situations and social things which is not like me at all I always thought of myself as a ppl person but not so much anymore. I worry and stress constantly what other people think of me and if they like me and in my head over analyze everything to the point where I think that everyone just puts up with me and everyone is being fake they don’t really care for me even tho I’m pretty sure that’s not true. Hmm... ok I will admit I’m a child abuse survivor started while I was 12 and lasted several years...definite family problems there, real mom died in car crash I was in when I was 3 so forth and so forth. Now to the really weird stuff. When I lock up my office in the evenings from work I have to go back several times I can almost drive out of town and have to turn around just to make sure the door is in fact locked. Or I call the office next to mine to ask if they check that I locked it. I avoid using curling irons, space heaters, flat irons in fear that I will leave them on and will burn house down. Anytime I use the oven or stove I constantly recheck them to make sure they are off. Religiously check dryer vent on dryer to prevent fire?! Constantly feel like im going to die from cancer even tho I’m too scared to get woman yearly checkup and I’m high risk. And that right there amplified my impending doom feelings. Also here’s more my give a #%\> has left me! I have no idea where it is. I’m not lazy by no means always prided myself on being a hard worker but I have done a horrible job being a lady, having a difficult time caring what I look like, I don’t shower the best anymore rarely fix my hair or makeup ( my poor hubs). I love everything and everyone in my life but I am not happy and there is no switch to make me happy what the heck do I do. I will say I started on Prozac about a year ago... after I first started taking it I was finally feeling rested after waking up in the morning. Knots in back and shoulder and neck were non existent , I still had anxiety problems but seemed lesser. They upped the Prozac about 3 months ago but I don’t see any difference. I don’t know if I’m better or worse. As of lately I don’t feel like it. I also play games on my phone and become super addicted in shooter games call of duty PUBG mobile. I play the quick 10 min matches and when I start it is def like a great escape I can hide away for an hour or so playing those 10 min matches over and over again. I’m sorry this was so long. I feel so alone and after talking with my husband about my feelings he has no idea what to say to me other than he notices a lot of these things going on with me and knows I’m not happy. I feel I need help.
 
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Renee9149

Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
13
Location
United States
You sound like my twin!! I was abused from age 8-11. So sorry this has happened to you! I was also addicted to a game on my phone... I've spent THOUSANDS on a stupid game!! I could barely bring myself to shower more than a couple times a week. Things got better for me recently but they aren't back to normal yet. I have no energy whatsoever. When my fiance is in town I'm like a different person. I've decided it's depression. I am better now, with my Celexa (scared to even try Prozac 😳), but as soon as he leaves again for work i go into the same cycle. I am lacking any motivation to clean my home until it's embarrassing. I might wear makeup but it's only days my hair looks so bad i need my face on to go out of the house. 🙊 Anyway, addiction tends to stem from a void and so does a lack of self care. Now we must figure out what that void is and fill it with things not so harmful. Best wishes for you. 🤗
 
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Jess007

New member
Joined
Jan 16, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Usa
Wow really! Thank you so much! I’m on Prozac it’s actually been better than some of the others the drs tried. However I don’t feel it’s working as good or at all anymore. I really appreciate your reply! It’s nice knowing I’m not completely alone.
 
Tristekatty

Tristekatty

New member
Joined
Jan 17, 2020
Messages
2
Location
South Coast..
I might not completely relate to everything you wrote, but i really understand that extreme fear... constant thinking that someone is gonna get hurt or die. I can only say from my expierience, but that feeling can seriously overtake any positive thoughts. I hope that you’ll get relief from it soon. If drugs haven’t been helping have you considered different ones or other options such as therapy? Sending love x
 
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Renee9149

Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
13
Location
United States
Wow really! Thank you so much! I’m on Prozac it’s actually been better than some of the others the drs tried. However I don’t feel it’s working as good or at all anymore. I really appreciate your reply! It’s nice knowing I’m not completely alone.
No hun you aren't alone! If the Prozac isn't working for you then try something new! I have tried most everything but cymbalta and celexa have been thet best for me. Xanax also worked well but I am afraid of it and do not like the feeling the next day. However, everyone is different! I really do wish you the best I wish I had better advice but unfortunately the struggle is real over here as well. 😞
 
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Suzietodd54

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2020
Messages
24
Location
Front Royal, VA
Reading your thread I felt your pain and the unrelenting torment of thoughts that won't stop. Mental and emotional pain is almost like dealing with cancer. You can have all the most well meaning loved ones around you who want to help you but they can't begin to understand what is you are going through. The journey you are on is yours alone to travel and deal with. It's can be a very lonely and isolating feeling. I went through chemo 8 years ago and still have to have blood work 2 times a year to make sure it doesn't happen again. As of 3 years ago I now am also dealing with depression and anxiety from other events that have happened in my life.
I have handled cancer way better than this mental and emotional pain. When it's something physical you're dealing with people are more apt to be more understanding, but with mental health the reaction from people can be well meaning but clueless. They can't understand why you you just don't stop it or you're not trying hard enough to get better and you want to keep being the way you are for attention. Who wants to feel dead inside, or sick to your stomach, or have a mind that won't give you any peace? Anyone who has dealt with any kind of mental and emotional anguish would understand you and wouldn't wish this on anyone else to deal with. Even though what you are going through is your personal pain in this forum you will find kindred spirits to lift you up and you can do the same for them. God bless you 🤗
 
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