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TorturedRose

TorturedRose

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
15
Location
London
Hello all. I’m in my 30s and a WOC. This is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do but it needed to be done. I suffer from PTSD, shame which makes me avoid any and all social situations (GP appointments included), Depression, anxiety, insomnia and recently diagnosed as BPD. I’ve suffered trauma from a young age which has resulted in a life plagued with problems (bullied at school, abuse, been used countless times and unable to make any real connections with people). I’m a loner and recluse (ZERO friends, literally not even 1!), spend almost everyday in the house (cabin fever is killing me but with agoraphobia/social anxiety there’s not much I can do). I joined this forum as recommended by my support worker to try and engage with others perhaps dealing with life’s pain like me? And to generally interact as it’s difficult being a loner. Anyway, wishing you all light, love and positivity 😊
 
L

Lavalad

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
1
Location
London
Hi Rose I'm new here and a WOC too. Wishing you all the best

Lavalad
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
6,995
Location
Nowhere
hi Rose :welcome: !

this is a great place to explore your issues

:hug5:☀✨
 
TorturedRose

TorturedRose

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
15
Location
London
Wow I didn’t even expect 1 reply let alone a few. I’m very grateful and thank you all for for welcoming me :thanks:
 
Q

Questor

Active member
Joined
Jul 8, 2012
Messages
42
Hi Rose,

Your contribution has been of help to me. Whilst no two experiences are the same, yours is as close to mine as I could have hoped for. I, too, have lost contact with friends, and now even family.

Do you find that you don't know what is definitively wrong with you?

Humans are adaptable and resourceful, so you have coped. Congratulations for that! Despite all, do things that need to get done, somehow get done? I suspect so. Hang on in there.

So will I.

Questor.
 
TorturedRose

TorturedRose

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
15
Location
London
Hi Rose,

Your contribution has been of help to me. Whilst no two experiences are the same, yours is as close to mine as I could have hoped for. I, too, have lost contact with friends, and now even family.

Do you find that you don't know what is definitively wrong with you?

Humans are adaptable and resourceful, so you have coped. Congratulations for that! Despite all, do things that need to get done, somehow get done? I suspect so. Hang on in there.

So will I.

Questor.
Hi & thanks for your touching message.

yes I’ve also lost touch with family. Majority of my life they treated me like crap and used my vulnerability against me. I love them but I don’t miss them and I think it’s best we’re estranged for my own safety/peace.

I guess I ‘know’ how I got to this depleted rock bottom stage in life, what I do find difficult is not being able to overcome the trauma & not being able to control a bad mood swing (usually brought on by flashbacks). Whenever I cry, I usually scream out “why is this happening to me” & “why can’t I just be normal like everyone else” - but the fact is after certain experiences I was never going to be the same again.

Please don’t congratulate me for coping because I’m hanging on by threads. This forum was suggested by my support worker to help. I feel low almost everyday & have tried suicide multiple times (most recently at the start of 2020). I’ve been sectioned (worst experience of my life, just added to the trauma) & I’ve lost my job a few years ago because of discrimination. I’m also a WOC and the way I have been treated/ridiculed in my community has not helped, people don’t understand.
When I have a depressive mania, I can’t get anything done, even get out of bed and shower! I don’t eat or do anything, I just feel stuck.
I don’t go out as I just fear being around people (too many people have hurt me). I tried to go out (for an appointment but forced myself to be outside a little bit for fresh air/sanity) just before Xmas and just like my bad luck ended up bumping into someone who used to bully me! They kept shouting out my name & following me. I ignored them and ended up scurrying away (whilst bumping into people & panicking) So that just freaked me out & enforced my recluse.

you said no two journeys are the same But we all have similar experiences. I’m very emphatic/compassionate (both a gift and curse) so I understand to an extent at times where others won’t.

hang in there indeed & try to be positive x
 
S

Soladel

Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2020
Messages
19
Location
WI
Hi, i suffer from some same issues like social anxiety, depression, bpd and have had issues with insomnia and also am a recluse with no friends or family to talk or be with at this point in my life. So i very much understand some of the things you're dealing with and if you were like me probably posting here wasn't easy at all. I'm sorry for all the trauma you've had to deal with in your life that still haunt you today, but i hope things can even if just a little improve for you in time. I'm glad you decided to post here and i hope you find what you're looking for or atleast some connections to other people.
 
TorturedRose

TorturedRose

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
15
Location
London
Hi, i suffer from some same issues like social anxiety, depression, bpd and have had issues with insomnia and also am a recluse with no friends or family to talk or be with at this point in my life. So i very much understand some of the things you're dealing with and if you were like me probably posting here wasn't easy at all. I'm sorry for all the trauma you've had to deal with in your life that still haunt you today, but i hope things can even if just a little improve for you in time. I'm glad you decided to post here and i hope you find what you're looking for or atleast some connections to other people.
Thankyou for your touching message. Also thank you for your understanding. I too am sorry for your experiences and wish you nothing but positivity. It took me a month and a half before I actually signed up here and posted (anxiety), but I’m truly glad I did. I will more than likely type a lot, but that’s just because it feels good to finally communicate with others - especially others that understand x
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
646
Location
London, ON
Being able to see that your issues aren't vastly different from many others here will likely be helpful. It's amazing how often another's experience will give you insight into yourself.

I hope you do find this place helpful.
 
S

Soladel

Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2020
Messages
19
Location
WI
Thankyou for your touching message. Also thank you for your understanding. I too am sorry for your experiences and wish you nothing but positivity. It took me a month and a half before I actually signed up here and posted (anxiety), but I’m truly glad I did. I will more than likely type a lot, but that’s just because it feels good to finally communicate with others - especially others that understand x
I can totally relate to anxiety making it take awhile to finally post, i still get degrees of anxiety when posting anything even in a safer place like this. But again glad you did so you will have some communication with others and hopefully that can help lead to other good things happening. And i'm sure no one will mind you typing alot as everyone will be more than happy to hear what you have to say.
 
P

Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,219
Location
England. Derbyshire
I think it is brilliant that you have a support worker who
recommended the forum.
I wish many of the CMHT were so sensible and open minded.

I suffer from all the MH symptoms and problems here.
I’m glad we have come together.
We understand each other’s problems (and achievements) !
Giving and receiving help is one of the best things I have gained
from joining the forum.

I’m no longer involved with anybody or anything from the mental health
service.
The best a CPN could come up with was “join a book club”
 
TorturedRose

TorturedRose

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
15
Location
London
I think it is brilliant that you have a support worker who
recommended the forum.
I wish many of the CMHT were so sensible and open minded.

I suffer from all the MH symptoms and problems here.
I’m glad we have come together.
We understand each other’s problems (and achievements) !
Giving and receiving help is one of the best things I have gained
from joining the forum.

I’m no longer involved with anybody or anything from the mental health
service.
The best a CPN could come up with was “join a book club”
Thank you for your lovely message. I too am glad to finally have a place to 'talk', isolation is killing me so it really helps. My support worker isn't from the CMHT i'm afraid, its a temp service provided by my GP [i was waiting for a few years]. The CMHT i am assessed a doesnt help AT ALL. I'm spoken to like trash and made to feel humiliated for my difficulties. I've raised a complaint so many times but no one listens to me! They are so dismissive so i understand when you say they told you to join a book club. When i was suicidal i was told to 'go for a walk and in time i will get over it'... lol i honestly think, who the hell are these people, where the hell did they get their training from and how are they allowed to practice?!!!
 
TorturedRose

TorturedRose

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
15
Location
London
I can totally relate to anxiety making it take awhile to finally post, i still get degrees of anxiety when posting anything even in a safer place like this. But again glad you did so you will have some communication with others and hopefully that can help lead to other good things happening. And i'm sure no one will mind you typing alot as everyone will be more than happy to hear what you have to say.
Thank you for the reassurance and please feel free to message me anytime. I hope to make more connections with people :)
 
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