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Hello, I’m new and need help

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Nancy27

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Wigan
#1
I’ve had a few years of seriously difficult times. I met and and married my husband 5 years ago only to find out a months after marrying that he was a chronic heroin addict. He is recovering now and has been clean for a while. We had a turbulent 3 years before he managed to get effective treatment. This has left me emotionally drained, very paranoid, completely unable to trust him and an overwhelming internal rage that I can’t seem to get over.
In September my stepfather took his own life, my mum found him while in the phone to me, I heard everything and it has traumatised me. My mum has been living with us since September. This has been a big strain, she is broken but so are we. I haven’t grieved at all as my mum has been so grief stricken that caring for her has been my complete focus.
I also recently lost a close family member to a sudden and tragic death. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour and died 3 months later. In fact, it was just last month. I feel like I should be more upset, more sad, or at least something? It’s like I just don’t feel anything, just desensitised.
I can get angry, very easily but not much else. I get angry with my family mostly. I’ve tried to talk to my husband but it always ends in a row about who is the worst. I can’t talk to my mum because she just tells me how awful she feels and doesn’t want to listen to me. I can’t really afford counselling but I really can’t understand what’s going on in my head anymore. I’m torturing myself and I need to know how to get past this.
 
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Silka

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
14
Location
North
#2
Hi there. I’m new to this forum too. I really wish I could say more to help you, but one thing I do know, you’ve had a hell of a lot to deal with and you’ve had to be incredibly brave. It’s not really a shock you feel like this, desensitising sounds like a good option but you should be very proud of yourself for coping. You say you can’t afford therapy however I’m sure if you went to the doctors you could get some on NHS (assuming you are in the UK). Theres also Cruse and other charities for support for families of those who have taken their own life. Have you tried any of these? I think you need some of your own time. I hope that helps. Good luck!
 
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Silka

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
14
Location
North
#4
They are links by the way, I just checked and think they work 🙂
 
KG19

KG19

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Usa
#5
Cycle of Life Has Its Way Of Taking Care Of Its Own..
The Strong Remain.Take that As
Seek N Find A NewJourney Then Healing Can Begin.
 
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Manda

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
Leeds
#7
You need to be able to deal with how you feel as an individual. This isn't going to happen within the family situation as each person is going through their own experience of confusion and grief.
You need to start at the very beginning.Being so strong for your husband must have left you almost emotionally empty.
There should be some type of counselling service available in your area and local charitable services, such as women's groups will probably be more useful than anything offered by your docter.
I really hope that you can find a counsellor who does understand that what is happening to you now is an accumulation of what you've had to deal with in the past.
If you are the UK your local CAB should have information about all the local services in your area.
I do hope that you can get the appropriate support, xxx
 
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Nancy27

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Wigan
#8
Thanks for replying, even just getting it out on here helps...like venting or similar? Thanks for the suggestions but I’ve not heard of CAB? What is that? I am in the UK too x
 
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Manda

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
Leeds
#9
Citizens Advice Bureau. They should have all the local information.
If they can't help, because you've been in a difficult relationship ring Women's Aid or your local Women's Refuge. You can explain that you're not able to discuss anything over the phone but need a women' counselling service. I do hope there's something in your area xxx
 
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Manda

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
Leeds
#10
I don't mean that you should slag off your boyfriend, I just mean use what you can to get the appropriate help. Your husband may be able to get help from his previous service and they well be able to point you to a service too.
You two are doing amazingly.
Given that you've found writing on this website helpful do you think keeping a journal of what's going on and including things that you can still find beautiful might be a nice thing to do? xxx
 
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Nancy27

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Wigan
#11
Has anyone else experienced a similar numb feeling? Like knowing you should be sad or upset but just not feeling it? I worry that it isn’t normal?
 
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Gotabeme

New member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Sparks, NV
#12
I think it might be called--being in shock because everything is overwhelming for you right now-I have felt numb before too and then eventually I started grieving--I was so afraid to really let my feelings out so I held back--this may be happening to you--it will get better and it is a good thing you are admitting the way you feel now