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Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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Hi I’m new to the forum and Iv currently just started Lamotrigine in November for suspected bipolar, was told by my psychiatrist if they work for me the diagnosis looks likely. Before I started Lamotrigine I was a complete mess
One minute Id feel slowed down, lethargic, feeling negative about everything,i feel so depressed I can’t see a way out. I seem to have so much hatred for my boyfriend during this time, I say the most nasty things, everything and everyone irritates me and I have a fiery temper in which I want to argue and fight and I dont consider the consequences at these moments I just do not care. I can’t control the urge to say the most awful things and shout at people. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin and even my clothes really irritate me. I avoid people I know, I feel like I want to self harm and I have suicidal thoughts during this time too. I sleep a lot also.
Then all of a sudden I get a switch in mood which I am bright and cheery, thinking positive about everything, I love my boyfriend again, life is great and I’m excited to be alive, I am sociable and very chatty, my head feels like it’s fizzing and I have adrenaline pumping through me and I just feel alive, I have lots of creative ideas and I’m constantly cleaning and sorting things, I can’t sit still, I’m laughing and joking and also talking some jibberish at times, my thoughts are going so fast I can’t keep up with them and sometimes they don’t make sense it’s like their all muddled up, i have a very high sex drive during this mood and I’m less inhibited. Does this sound familiar to anyone? It’s like a constant cycle and it’s exhausting. However the lamotrigine has calmed both the highs and the lows to a point I can cope a bit better. Just wanted some advice and maybe someone to talk to?
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Welcome to the forum. I don't have bipolar but it sounds like you might. Others here will have experience with things you describe.
 
Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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Thank you 😊 nice to meet you, Iv been struggling for so long it’s just nice to get advice and help/tips from others who are similar.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I have some of the things you are talking about at both extremes but not all. For example on the extreme of being angry I do not self harm or feel suicidal. Self-harm usually comes on extreme guilt and feeling suicidal usually comes with psychosis I have schizoaffective disorder. My highs are usually heavy on the mania side with delusions and euphoria. Welcome to the forum, nice to meet you!
 
Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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Hello nice to meet you too, I feel terrible guilt after Iv said the most awful things to people I love, it’s as though I have no filter at all. I can’t control what I say, my thoughts race to the point they are just jumbled up. I just find it exhausting going from one extreme to the next.
 
soul searching

soul searching

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Hi Bonnie23! Welcome! So sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm schizophrenic and doing better. This forum helps a lot.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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Oh for things like that I usually feel traumatized. I have terrible anger and do terrible things that traumatize me when I recall what I did and am in a better mindstate; but I try my best to fix it if I can, and work past the crippling pain of knowing that I was so awful. I have self harmed with the guilt of harming close loved ones though but I couldn't remember that at first.
 
Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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I know it makes you feel truly awful, I self harm when I’m frustrated with not being able to say how I feel, although I havnt done it for a while. It’s like a different person takes over for a while. I lose all my inhibitions and just want to go out and party and do wild things, which Iv done in the past.
 
Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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Hello nice to meet you it helps to talk to people who experience similar. It’s nice to know your not alone ☺
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I am like the biggest slut in my mind sometimes and am thankful that I am still married although divorcing so that I have some type of reservation 😉 and don't go all out
 
Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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I am like the biggest slut in my mind sometimes and am thankful that I am still married although divorcing so that I have some type of reservation 😉 and don't go all out.

god that sounds so like me I feel ashamed of what Iv done sometimes.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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Me too. Anyways nice talkin to you. I'm sure I will see you around. I loved lamotrigine but it made me swell too badly. It was really good for stabilizing my anger. Now I'm on three medicines for that.
 
Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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It was lovely talking to you too yes I’m sure I will catch up with you again on the forum. Look after yourself 😊
 
Bonnie23

Bonnie23

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Hi Bonnie23! Welcome! So sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm schizophrenic and doing better. This forum helps a lot.
Nice to meet you Iv been looking for a forum for a while as Iv literally had nobody to talk to about this. And at times I just can’t handle it.
 
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