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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hello from the void

strayer

strayer

Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Reno
Hello. I just turned 30 this year.
Have been diagnosed and misdiagnosed many times but today just received the more or less final word and i suppose i am done fighting it, “disagreeing”/denying it’s what I have.

Schizoaffective Disorder, depressive type
PTSD, chronic
Then it says r/o ADHD but I am 99% i have it.

dr. says i need to be observed more in clinical setting

rated me 5 on the global clinical something

I received my first diagnosis of any mental illness at 16, which was GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder— Mostly owing to my sexual orientation (I identify as a lesbian), and my inability to stop writing about my childhood trauma (exposure to years of domestic violence and attempted murder, being shunned from my family several different times for talking about it all with my teachers starting at about 12), military service, suppressed trauma from multiple sexual assaults in my twenties, and then the psychosis and the 5 1/2 years of living with an alcoholic who presented strongly with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I was briefly diagnosed with an unspecified personality disorder so as to affect my discharge from military service. I served during the DADT days, which deeply adversely affected my ability to feel connected to people in my unit.

I had been dissociating from about 11 without even realising it because I just thought i was dizzy, and my parents didn’t notice because we played outside all daylong as kids. Until my parents split when I was 8/9. But 11 was when my mother met the man who would proceed to destroy our family, tried to kill and then threatened my mother over and over again.
At 22, I checked myself into a county facility because I started seeing things and hearing things and I honestly thought my now-ex with BPD was gaslighting me so I would become so dependent on her I would never leave. Things were becoming physical and violent. An altercation between us even led to my being “detained” for domestic violence. No charges were ever file thank god or my teaching career would never have even got off the ground.

I have this delusion i suppose that I made it all up, and there is nothing wrong with me...but here I was at county and told them I thought maybe it could be this bc my ex was saying it was hallucinations. I had read about schizoaffective disorder but I just didn’t think of myself as bipolar because I never had mania. Still don’t. Anxiety, yes. But not mania. They seemed to agree with schizophrenia. However, I have not seen my records. So I don’t remember.

later I self-reported symptoms to another psych—two years ago now, ADHD but i lost my job.
I lost my insurance so never had proper evals then either.

I went in there today thinking it’s gonna be PTSD, OCD and ADHD.


My cognitive and executive functioning skills have declined significantly. Once I was the first cast member always offbook and i knew the whole show. I am flatter thaI can barely remember where i just set down my sunglasses or what even was just said...memorising a piece of my own music often at times is quite a struggle for me but he wrote r/o ADHD so who knows. I plan to undergo more evaluation in-person as recommended. But he implies the reason for attention deficits or concentration is all owed to the dissociation and psychosis. Further evaluation is recommended.

So I got my summary diagnosis and it reads: Schizoaffective disorder, depressive type
PTSD, chronic r/o ADHD. He makes no mention of BPD but rules out ADHD for now.

Want to mention I am prone to catatonia/mutism when at its absolute worst. It’s like a waking coma.

i am sad but i suppose i am relieved as well in a well that i have sort of closure to all the questioning and worrying and wondering what is really “wrong” with me all these years.
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Forum Guide
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Jun 16, 2020
Messages
4,340
Location
Norway
Hi and welcome to the forum strayer :welcome:

I suffer from Bipolar type 2, PTSD, Social anxiety, chronic depression and general anxiety. I remember when I got my diagnosis(es) it was a huge relief followed by intense anxiety and depression knowing that I had to live with this disease the rest of my life. Still, it's better to know so you can be treated and at least get some relief from it. Now I have accepted that I have mental health issues and they've become part of who I am. It seems you have a lot of self insight that's an important part of learning to live with mental health issues.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. I have found it very helpful to have diagnosis too. :)
 
strayer

strayer

Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Reno
Hi and welcome to the forum strayer :welcome:

I suffer from Bipolar type 2, PTSD, Social anxiety, chronic depression and general anxiety. I remember when I got my diagnosis(es) it was a huge relief followed by intense anxiety and depression knowing that I had to live with this disease the rest of my life. Still, it's better to know so you can be treated and at least get some relief from it. Now I have accepted that I have mental health issues and they've become part of who I am. It seems you have a lot of self insight that's an important part of learning to live with mental health issues.
it’s just..more than anything i wanted to be able to donate my kidney to someone who really needs one and now i can’t bc my condition may be considered too serious?
 
strayer

strayer

Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Reno
Anyone here on lamictal?

i start my titration on sat
I am scared
My mother is on it now no problems yet as of a month or two in
I should be ok??
Why am i so terrified
 
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