Hello! Finding it hard to live with abusive parent

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sleeping moon

New member
Joined
Feb 9, 2019
Messages
2
Location
England
#1
Sorry to jump straight into the topic of the title but im kinda desperate.

I'm 29 years old and was diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety disorder in my late teens/ early 20's. Prior to that i struggled a lot socially at school but also at home. I have a really emotionally abusive mother who used to beat and berate me constantly. But worst of all she has a serious lack of empathy. A side of her only I saw for years up until my sister had children to which now she's the target.

There have been a few others inside and outside of the family who have witnessed how horrid she can be but, because she's able to hide it so well she has a glowing reputation. So most just choose to stay away or simply ignore it.

My depression deteriorated to a point that I had no daily routine, i wasn't sleeping at all, eating right or taking care of myself, every small daily task would result in me sleeping for several hours after so eventually I gave it all up. This year has been the first time I've taken steps to improve on routine and so far it's okay but my sleep is destroyed again.

To put into perspective how little empathy she has, this year my sister contracted pneumonia via the flu and was hospitalised for a few weeks. By now we know not to tell her these things but I was so worried I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Following telling her, she immediately called her and started yelling at her, saying she brought the illness on herself and should have told her first.

She had no concept that my sister was weak and in hospital nor did she care. Regarding myself, when the depression amounted to it's worst I tried to take my own life, i didnt fully go through with it in the end, but when telling her this she dragged me to the hospital and yelled at the reception at the top of her lungs about my attempt making sure everyone heard.

Following that i had a cancer scare, but by that point I'd gotten fed up and went through the entire process alone. This is how we live now, if I feel ill mentally or physically she's the last, (if ever) to know. Or if I need anything even outside of health I rely on the kindness of others, or (now largely) online.

This isn't bad as I've given up on hope of getting her any help professionally (we tried several times, once to help with my own mental health, to which she just lied to the therapist and then screamed at me in my own room for daring to tell anyone else. And has refused help since. My problem is that I'm too ill to live completely independently but ( obviously) really need to get out if I'm ever to get better.

I've struggled with mental illness for so long I dont actually remember what it is to have any kind of normal routine other than small pockets of time, usually when I'm away from home.
I'm self employed and that suits me fine for now as I try and piece myself back together. But obviously makes moving out insanely hard.

Any advice on how to get out? Ideally I'd like to move in with someone understanding my struggles so I can recover in time. But when I look up anything there seems to be nothing available for someone in my position.

Any help/ advice would be amazing! Sorry for such a long post, I havent been able to type like this in so long.

Sleepy
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
548
#2
Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time X

:hug5:

Hear to listen if you want
 
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exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,757
#3
Hi sleeping moon and welcome here:)

I read all of your post, it must have drained you to write it.
Your mother sounds awful. I'm so sorry. I had one like that, it really does affect you. You have worked out that your mother has been the cause of a lot of your mental health difficulties so work now on moving slowly forward bit by bit.

There is a book called Toxic Parents by Craig Buck and Susan Forward, if can read it then it will help a lot, perhaps a second hand copy?

Have you any support for yourelf, GP, mental health team. Could they help you to look at some kind of sheltered accommodation? I know it is difficult to get but perhaps first thoughts would be how to set up boundaries with your mother or even inlink her from your life.

I hope that you find the forum a good support, everyone is kind here so come in and join us.:peace:
 
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sleeping moon

New member
Joined
Feb 9, 2019
Messages
2
Location
England
#4
Hi sleeping moon and welcome here:)

I read all of your post, it must have drained you to write it.
Your mother sounds awful. I'm so sorry. I had one like that, it really does affect you. You have worked out that your mother has been the cause of a lot of your mental health difficulties so work now on moving slowly forward bit by bit.

There is a book called Toxic Parents by Craig Buck and Susan Forward, if can read it then it will help a lot, perhaps a second hand copy?

Have you any support for yourelf, GP, mental health team. Could they help you to look at some kind of sheltered accommodation? I know it is difficult to get but perhaps first thoughts would be how to set up boundaries with your mother or even inlink her from your life.

I hope that you find the forum a good support, everyone is kind here so come in and join us.:peace:
Hi, sorry for the delayed reply,
and thanks for the recommendation of the book. I'll look into it when I can.

The last time I got my gp involved it lead to a steady dead end. I have thought of going back but I don't have much hope there, that's why I was trying to find some kind of other support. But it's fine . I'll keep looking.