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Hello everyone

K

kVROB

Member
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Georgia
I’m new here and I’m looking forward to discussion with others who are dealing w a diagnosis of schitzoaffective/schizophrenia disorder. I’m 48 years old, I’m a wife, mom and small business owner who’s life changed in one normal day. Looking back, the premodern phase started many years before my first break. When I did “break” it lasted over a year and required several trips to the mental health hospital. It was very traumatic and has taken me another year and a half to want to talk about it. Unfortunately, none of my family wants to talk about it cause they seem to believe it's one of those things that will go away if you don’t talk about it. Or ,even worse, they believe I brought this on myself somehow. Yeah, it’s gonna be wonderful to have some friends to talk too about this and other things related. I really want and need to ba a part of a community that I can share with and vise-versa, it can be very lonely out here w no one to talk to about life living w this disorder. Thanks for allowing me to join this forum.
 
calypso

calypso

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Messages
61,461
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:welcome: to the forum. It can be very lonely having a MH diagnosis. I have been diagnosed as bipolar and understand all too well. My family just said "of course you are!" and left it at that. I wasn't diagnosed until my 50s but had been suffering with this for many decades all alone. My major depressions had been treated but never my mania which simply amused my family. they didn't see the distress it caused me.

I think you will find a lot of people on here who can relate to you. You are not alone in this and should be able to express yourself freely on here. What exactly happened? Did you have any warning that this might happen? Why on earth did your family believe you brought this on yourself?! Its not something that we can usually control at all. I hope others will be along soon to support you in this. Its a British based forum so don't be despondent that you don't get replies yet, its just its night time here :)
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,541
Location
US
Kvrob, welcome! Yes, you are not alone at all. Hope you find it helpful here. Great place to be able to open up without feeling judged or like a burden on anyone. Welcome:)
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
6,485
Location
A comet
Hello kVROB, welcome to the forum.
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Hi kVROB welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
K

kVROB

Member
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Georgia
:welcome: to the forum. It can be very lonely having a MH diagnosis. I have been diagnosed as bipolar and understand all too well. My family just said "of course you are!" and left it at that. I wasn't diagnosed until my 50s but had been suffering with this for many decades all alone. My major depressions had been treated but never my mania which simply amused my family. they didn't see the distress it caused me.

I think you will find a lot of people on here who can relate to you. You are not alone in this and should be able to express yourself freely on here. What exactly happened? Did you have any warning that this might happen? Why on earth did your family believe you brought this on yourself?! Its not something that we can usually control at all. I hope others will be along soon to support you in this. Its a British based forum so don't be despondent that you don't get replies yet, its just its night time here :)
Thanks Calypso,
That’s for letting me know about response times, that totally fine. I’m not sure how often I will be able to respond because of work,etc. to answer your first question, it did have a build up of about two months, but I didn’t realize it until my first episode happened. It was a beautiful day, very normal and I stopped by the car wash to clean up my suv. I started to hear a couple obviously talking about me, I thought it strange and finished up my car and left to go home. When I got home, this couple( male and female) started talking directly to me so I shutdown anything connected to internet hoping to loose them. It did not work, basically they introduced themselves as what I perceived as some kind of law enforcement, over time I was led to believe it was local and government. This was so real to me, as I know everyone else who goes thru it feels the same. In this state, I believed they could read my mind, see everything I was doing, they were monitoring me medically by heart rate,temperature,etc. so, just to so I don’t confuse you or anyone else I always refer to the voices as “them or they”. This went on for months before I told anyone because of the threat they made to my family, I couldn’t imagine my sons having to deal with this torture. It was like torture, they were kinda mean, ugly in the beginning while trying to establish their authority over me. The torture was because they talked constantly and I never had any peace. Others joined in and would take the next shift, I guess it wouldn’t have been as believable for this couple to monitor me for months on end without a break. Eventually they started to get to know me and I was myself (nice) to them and they to me, to the point I kinda missed them when they were gone as weird as that may sound. I was sure that these people were real and somehow were connected to me thru internet surveillance or something similar. I would usually loose them when I got out into an area or the countryside where internet was limited. I would take country drives to gat a break for just a few mins. I know this is getting long so I will go back to the beginning and say that the “signs” I had of this coming were things like hearing my neighbors talk about me pretty regularly, being judgmental, saying I was a terrible mother. This hurt my feeling so bad that I actually cried to my mom about this, I just couldn’t understand the hate I was getting. Also, one day I started to have severe bad breath that was so awful I had to chew gum and brush my teeth about 4 to 5 times a day. The bad breath had started at least two years before any other signs, I would also think that my home or shop was smelling bad and I thought I was the cause. So now, looking back over the past ten years of my life I can see the signs. I would feel friends were saying things about me, I stopped going to church because I was feeling so much judgements from other people...how did I bring this on myself? I had a very controlling parent when I was growing up, I wasn’t allowed to do anything that other teens were doing. I also experience a major amount of trauma during those years, it’s almost unbelievable to others, but it’s all so true and may be a possible cause of what I go thru now. I wasn’t allowed to date, none of my friends were ever good enough for her and often didn’t feel welcome so I ended up w none. I left home to gat married at 18 and unfortunately she still controlled my life, but buy this time she had married a very controlling man. From the time I was about 13 or so I was accused of using drugs, although I never had. This continued until recently, may still continue today but I don’t give a shit anymore. This happened to me and my sister. Ironically, I did start using drugs and it started by mom and stepdad giving me some pain pills so I would work harder “ I worked for their business “ and if I wasn’t feeling like busting my hump every min of everyday they would toss me a pill to make sure I was feeling great, and I was. This addiction went on for several years, I eventually checked in to treatment center. I have been sober for almost twenty years now. Everyone’s knows this but the very ones who help me start the addiction, in her eyes I was always a junkie. So basically that’s how I brought it on myself. I’m sorry this was so long winded. I could go on and on, I believe I missed the voices because they did become my friends, even as I married and had my own children I didn’t have any friends because they were still judged so harshly, I can’t believe I allowed that. I can say one good thing about my year of psychosis, I took back ownership of my life and feelings and gained such a braveness about not letting anyone bully me ever again, I speak my mind, with kindness of course, but I do have control and no fear of what she may think of my opinion. Thanks to anyone who may take their time to read this, I really hope something in here will help u in your healing process even if it’s just knowing your not alone.
 
K

kVROB

Member
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Georgia
Kvrob, welcome! Yes, you are not alone at all. Hope you find it helpful here. Great place to be able to open up without feeling judged or like a burden on anyone. Welcome:)
Thank you! Sometimes just getting it out helps and I believe this will bring a lot of healing
 
K

kVROB

Member
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Georgia
I’m new here and I’m looking forward to discussion with others who are dealing w a diagnosis of schitzoaffective/schizophrenia disorder. I’m 48 years old, I’m a wife, mom and small business owner who’s life changed in one normal day. Looking back, the premodern phase started many years before my first break. When I did “break” it lasted over a year and required several trips to the mental health hospital. It was very traumatic and has taken me another year and a half to want to talk about it. Unfortunately, none of my family wants to talk about it cause they seem to believe it's one of those things that will go away if you don’t talk about it. Or ,even worse, they believe I brought this on myself somehow. Yeah, it’s gonna be wonderful to have some friends to talk too about this and other things related. I really want and need to ba a part of a community that I can share with and vise-versa, it can be very lonely out here w no one to talk to about life living w this disorder. Thanks for allowing me to join this forum.
*prodromal phase
 
M

Manifestor64

New member
Joined
Jun 11, 2021
Messages
3
Location
USA
Hello KVROB,

May you find support from this forum and some peace. I think it's great that you're a business owner. I've always wanted to work for myself, but was too afraid to leave my toxic job.
 
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