• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Hello everyone

A

AlabamaFan

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Hello everyone. I won't disclose my real name here per the rules but some of my friends call me "Wilson", so feel free to call me rhat if you like.

Anyway I have long struggled with anxiety since approximately 3rd grade as far as the earliest I can remember. Its generalized anxiety and panic attacks. I've had them with extreme frequency over the years and can recall literally hundreds of times I thought I was having a heart attack, so I'd freak out and scream. Been to the drs and the emergency room several times for it. I do take medication and ot helps lost of the time, but there are still times where the anxiety breaks through and I experience panic attacks.

It's got so bad I cant work and am afraid to go do anything by myself. My sister has chewed me out multiple times for it. My dad, while being as helpful as he can, I dont think truly understands the grasp of how bad it makes me feel.

Because of not being g able to work due to this stuff, my sister thinks im just being lazy and we've had a few words about it before. Nowadays because of my anxiety, I've largely become bedridden and housebound. I dont do my favorite things such as fishing anymore because of it.

And now I feel like I have real medical concerns because my symptoms are different but my family still thinks it's all in my head and that I'm not doing e good enough job of trying to fight it. I've even been accused of wanting to have it happen.

I feel like right now I have heart issues because the symptoms are different from my typical anxiety symptoms and I was prediabetic on my last bloodwork. I asked some of my family on Facebook for advice in how they handled their diabetes and my sister caught onto that and jumped down my case about it too...... saying I have failed to grow up and handle things like a man. Even though my blood work showed I have every reason to be concerned about diabetes.

It's gotten to the point I'm sick of being chewed out and chastised, tired of being accused of being lazy. I'm about to the point I have considered self harm. I have called the suicide hotline before and that helped momentarily. But now, I feel like it's getting closer and closer to the edge. If I ask my family for help here or let them know iv3 called the suicide hotlineZaza I have no doubt they would jump down my throat.

I'm about wt the end of my rope tired of the anxiety and the resulting depression from it. I'm tired of feeling bad and I'm tired of my folks not taking my feelings ofnunwellness seriously. They say I'll just be wasting time by going to the ER. But I feel now there are legitimate medical.issues emerging alongside the anxiety. I'm afraid ill.have an episode and theyll blow it off as just another anxiety attack, when this time it could be the "real thing" and rheyll find me dead of a heart attack or some other heart/lung issue.

I've bought reached the point of wanting to take the mystery out of it altogether and ending it all myself. That way I don't have to worry about it anymore. I feel they could use the life insurance benefit more than me being around anyway now. So it is real tempting.
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

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I understand your feelings I too struggle with the fact that my parents wouldn’t accept me without me admitting that I was mentally ill. That one made me angry because I did not want to admit that I was that ill that I needed to live the rest of my life outing myself for something that I could not help. I hope you feel better with your emotions I know talking to people who don’t understand can be frustrating.
 
A

AlabamaFan

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Alabama
Yup it's just like talking to a brick wall when trying to convey the message to them..
I understand your feelings I too struggle with the fact that my parents wouldn’t accept me without me admitting that I was mentally ill. That one made me angry because I did not want to admit that I was that ill that I needed to live the rest of my life outing myself for something that I could not help. I hope you feel better with your emotions I know talking to people who don’t understand can be frustrating.
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

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Yup it's just like talking to a brick wall when trying to convey the message to them..
Even harder when they out smart you and you can’t catch up emotionally... it’s difficult to really completely grasp what they are feeling towards me and my current illness or mood...
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

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Please consider this

illness or not I am human and I feel just the same. I break my neck for them too
 
A

AlabamaFan

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Alabama
Even harder when they out smart you and you can’t catch up emotionally... it’s difficult to really completely grasp what they are feeling towards me and my current illness or mood...
Sometimes it's just best to get away from them if st all possible.
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

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Sometimes it's just best to get away from them if st all possible.
Yes but I try and act normal to fit n. I secretly hope they can’t hear what I’m thinking or talking about. But yes is that what you do? Isolate?
 
A

AlabamaFan

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Alabama
Yes but I try and act normal to fit n. I secretly hope they can’t hear what I’m thinking or talking about. But yes is that what you do? Isolate?
When it gets to be too much, yes. Even feeling like total crap and being quasi-bedridden I'll still go out to my car as a means of escape.
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
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When it gets to be too much, yes. Even feeling like total crap and being quasi-bedridden I'll still go out to my car as a means of escape.
I wish I had a car and the guts to isolate. Take a look around on the forum. You’ll find it friendly here. :)
 
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