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Hello Everyone

Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
Hi,

This my second post. I was so desperate to get help when I found this forum so I posted first seeking help :) .
I’ve been dealing with PTSD since March of 2004. My panic attacks started in 2001 when I was working in a hospital and got an allergic reaction. I was sent to the urgent care ad was given a medication that made me have irregular heartbeat that now and ended up in the emergency room. I was having hyperventilation to the point I almost fainted. Since then I was dealing with health anxiety then developed into much more.
I’ve been through 3 wars by the age of 10 then living in a refugee camp which was more like a big prison for 5 years. Living in fear and been through so much.

I never believed in medication as a cure. I was so afraid of meds that I couldn’t even take a pill for headaches of common colds.

Things gotten even worse when 3 of my friends committed suicide within 2 years. That really opened the gates of hell on me.

I’ve been doing well for a while but last October I heard of another person that I’ve seen once did the same thing which triggered panic attacks and insomnia for a whole month. At that time I realized that I need meds beside therapy. I am on Escitalopram 25 mg. It’s helping a lot but still have days that I can’t control.

I am hopeful that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I love my wife and kids and want to be there for them. They depend on me so much that I can’t imagine them being by themselves.

Winter time here is brutal which affects my mood so I am waiting for summer time to get active and start a new chapter.

The trauma that I’ve been through, I believe, made me a stronger person and do appreciate life. I will survive and beat the monsters of PTSD, anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I can’t give up and hate to be controlled.

Most of us who are dealing with mental health issues are locking ourselves in a box that we created for ourselves. We need to break that box and be free to enjoy life. I find traveling makes me feel stable and make me fine for at least 6 months. Going out and socializing is very necessary for us.

Sorry for the long post.
I am very happy to be amongst you.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
Thank you fairy Lu x
I really appreciate your kindness

I am glad I found this forum.
 
Jbb79

Jbb79

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Sep 15, 2018
Messages
337
Location
Aalestrup --Dk
Welcome, I Come from Denmark, That has Started wars x x I Hate my Country, for it, I Hope your Feel well - - Noone deserves a War x x From my end, I Want to see the Responsible burnt, At the stake, for Starting such Misery, and sadness x x
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
Thanks Jbb79.
Such a small world :) . I am originally from Iraq. I am a US citizen now. My home country waged many wars on its Nighbor with catastrophic endings even for its own people.
We, as human beings and as nations, get along just fine. It’s the governments that fuel hate and animosity by using fear tactics to gain support and rally people for the interests of politicians. An old game with different characters and scenarios.
I totally understand what you mean. It’s our duty to educate younger generations or at least start with our kids to teach them that human life and freedom are sacred and have to be given ultimate respect. There is no valuable cause that’s worth shedding blood for no matter what that cause is. I learned so much from what I went through. I’ve been to many countries and the good and righteousness in people is more than what we see in the media. I love and respect all people. It makes life worth living.

Love and peace to all.
 
Jbb79

Jbb79

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
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Messages
337
Location
Aalestrup --Dk
Thanks Jbb79.
Such a small world :) . I am originally from Iraq. I am a US citizen now. My home country waged many wars on its Nighbor with catastrophic endings even for its own people.
We, as human beings and as nations, get along just fine. It’s the governments that fuel hate and animosity by using fear tactics to gain support and rally people for the interests of politicians. An old game with different characters and scenarios.
I totally understand what you mean. It’s our duty to educate younger generations or at least start with our kids to teach them that human life and freedom are sacred and have to be given ultimate respect. There is no valuable cause that’s worth shedding blood for no matter what that cause is. I learned so much from what I went through. I’ve been to many countries and the good and righteousness in people is more than what we see in the media. I love and respect all people. It makes life worth living.

Love and peace to all.
Agreed ! ! x x x
 
Jbb79

Jbb79

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 15, 2018
Messages
337
Location
Aalestrup --Dk
I'm sorry to hear about how much damage, we did, I never knew, About it . . .

The Politicians spun a Fine tale, I Hope they burn in Hell, For that </3 </3 </3

If I Could kill them, I would . . <3 <3<3
 
Jbb79

Jbb79

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 15, 2018
Messages
337
Location
Aalestrup --Dk
Fucking War criminals x xx

May they BURN X x

It's all Just so Pointless, So tragic X Xx
 
Jbb79

Jbb79

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 15, 2018
Messages
337
Location
Aalestrup --Dk
I Was actually Gonna murder Our Pig of a Prime minister, For Doing so x x

Except, I Have psychiatric sentence, If I did that, They Pump me full of all their Sick Poisons x x Prison I Could have handled, Not Life-long psychiatric torture ! !

1e06edba23fd62487ef2e23.jpg

1e06edba23fd62487ef2e23ada5a60a9.jpg
 
Last edited:
N

NorasDad

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
145
Similar experiences without the PTSD

Hi, OP

Have you given any thought to OCD? I just got diagnosed after 40 years of confusion and I realized that my past feelings/behavior were actually a milder version of my panic attack self.

Another question: Is it the hyperventilation that drives you nuts? Is that what tips you over into real panic. That was my problem and I have a suggestion for you if you want.
 
N

NorasDad

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
145
Thanks Jbb79.
Such a small world :) . I am originally from Iraq. I am a US citizen now. My home country waged many wars on its Nighbor with catastrophic endings even for its own people.
We, as human beings and as nations, get along just fine. It’s the governments that fuel hate and animosity by using fear tactics to gain support and rally people for the interests of politicians. An old game with different characters and scenarios.
I totally understand what you mean. It’s our duty to educate younger generations or at least start with our kids to teach them that human life and freedom are sacred and have to be given ultimate respect. There is no valuable cause that’s worth shedding blood for no matter what that cause is. I learned so much from what I went through. I’ve been to many countries and the good and righteousness in people is more than what we see in the media. I love and respect all people. It makes life worth living.

Love and peace to all.

Hi Hopeful,

Would it help you to write down the things you suffered? Maybe you could give us some feeling for your life before trauma. I would love to learn how life was in Iraq before my government attacked you.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
I Was actually Gonna murder Our Pig of a Prime minister, For Doing so x x

Except, I Have psychiatric sentence, If I did that, They Pump me full of all their Sick Poisons x x Prison I Could have handled, Not Life-long psychiatric torture ! !

View attachment 14705

View attachment 14706
:) I would like for you to more careful about posting these things my friend. You know how they are.
It’s frustrating that they are lying to our faces with no shame. I don’t believe politicians and I stopped voting in elections because it’s like enabling someone who’s corrupt and evil to be in power.

War is very damaging mentally.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
Hi, OP

Have you given any thought to OCD? I just got diagnosed after 40 years of confusion and I realized that my past feelings/behavior were actually a milder version of my panic attack self.

Another question: Is it the hyperventilation that drives you nuts? Is that what tips you over into real panic. That was my problem and I have a suggestion for you if you want.
Hi NorasDad,

Thank for offering help. I really appreciate your generosity.
I did speak with my psychiatrist at my first appointment with her which was 10 days ago. She told me it was an OCD but my psychologist I’ve been seeing since 2004 says it’s PTSD that’s causing the intrusive thoughts.

I wish it was hyperventilation or health anxiety only. It’s more like intrusive thoughts of loosing control and harming myself.
I am very sure that I have no intentions of harming myself or anyone else. It’s an extreme fear.
Escitalopram/ lexapro has helped a lot. I’ve been doing really good since I first posted about 4 days ago.
I don’t know if you have any suggestions for this issue and I am very open and appreciative for any suggestions and help.

Thanks again:)
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
Hi Hopeful,

Would it help you to write down the things you suffered? Maybe you could give us some feeling for your life before trauma. I would love to learn how life was in Iraq before my government attacked you.
Hi again &#55357;&#56898;

Sometimes it does help to talk about it and other times it makes me sad and anxious.
It will require quite sometime to write about this subject:) therefore, I will do it sometime later. I will try my best to tell as much as I can.
 
N

NorasDad

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
145
I never got my panic attacks under control until I got a doctor who said "Look, I did most of my work in institutions where you have to calm people down who are a lot more freaked out than you are. I will give you Klonopin until you can't wake up, but these attacks will stop".

He did not have to give me very much Klonopin but it was an enormous help.

Then another doctor raised my escitalopram to a higher level, augmented it with buspirone and I was able to get off the Klonopin (I don't recommend taking it for more than a year). After benzo withdrawal stopped, it was like a new world.

I've done a lot of relaxation practices and I'm sure you have too. Yet the practice that really brought me meaningful relief (along with a boost in the escitalopram) was forcing myself to think about the panic feelings again and again.

With war trauma that might not be a good idea, obviously. But you might do something like re-imagining the events (if they come to your mind intrusively) but "re-writing" them so that they don't work out painfully. It's not disrespectful. It's not delusional. You know the people who are dead are dead. You know what happened happened. But there's no reason for you to live with those past events intimidating you. You have a right to re-imagine them all you want until they are not painful. You know the past. You won't forget.

You don't have to tell yourself the story again and again. You don't owe it to anybody. Reliving it won't protect you or anybody else. You're in Minnesota now. You're fine. That's the truth.

Of course you're afraid of the past. I'm sure it was a nightmare. You survived. You're a hero. Believe it.
 
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