• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

A

AGuy

Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
Hello everybody:),

I would like to introduce myself. I've recently signed up but have monitored this forum for a little while. I am a 30-year-old guy from the UK. I have always suffered a certain amount of self-loathing and generally have a negative outlook on life. This has affected me in one form or another throughout life. Now at the age of 30, I feel I need to say how I feel. I have signed up to hopefully get advice and give advice to others who may feel how I feel.

My self-loathing and general negative outlook has so far cost me two relationships, the most recent one a week ago. I'm absolutely gutted and feel I've somehow gone backwards in life, rather than forwards.

I now realise this can't go on so I'm hoping to get advice from fellow Men and Woman who may have an idea what I go through. I can hopefully help others along the way with my stories, advice and ways to cope.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
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51,924
Location
Lancashire
:welcome: to the forum. I hope you find us supportive and helpful
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,176
Location
Nashua NH
Hello everybody:),

I would like to introduce myself. I've recently signed up but have monitored this forum for a little while. I am a 30-year-old guy from the UK. I have always suffered a certain amount of self-loathing and generally have a negative outlook on life. This has affected me in one form or another throughout life. Now at the age of 30, I feel I need to say how I feel. I have signed up to hopefully get advice and give advice to others who may feel how I feel.

My self-loathing and general negative outlook has so far cost me two relationships, the most recent one a week ago. I'm absolutely gutted and feel I've somehow gone backwards in life, rather than forwards.

I now realise this can't go on so I'm hoping to get advice from fellow Men and Woman who may have an idea what I go through. I can hopefully help others along the way with my stories, advice and ways to cope.
Welcome! :grouphug:

It’s not unusual to have negative feelings magnified by tragedy especially personal loss.
It takes time to grieve these things and you should be generous with yourself in honoring these painful and difficult feelings. Reaching out for support here or with a therapist can be helpful too.

I would just say that being in your thirties you are still very young. I know people who met
their best romantic partners in their sixties. We can all improve ourselves and move differently in the world as we have new and different experiences and meet new and different people over time.
Since you have had two relationships already
it seems that you are desirable enough to attract people. You may have many more relationships if and when you wish to settle on just one.
In the meantime try and remind yourself
of all your great qualities. Everyone has them. If you had no great qualities nobody would
want to be with you at all...:hug:
 
A

AGuy

Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
Welcome! :grouphug:

It’s not unusual to have negative feelings magnified by tragedy especially personal loss.
It takes time to grieve these things and you should be generous with yourself in honoring these painful and difficult feelings. Reaching out for support here or with a therapist can be helpful too.

I would just say that being in your thirties you are still very young. I know people who met
their best romantic partners in their sixties. We can all improve ourselves and move differently in the world as we have new and different experiences and meet new and different people over time.
Since you have had two relationships already
it seems that you are desirable enough to attract people. You may have many more relationships if and when you wish to settle on just one.
In the meantime try and remind yourself
of all your great qualities. Everyone has them. If you had no great qualities nobody would
want to be with you at all...:hug:

Hi,

Thank you for the lovely reply. I'm sure my negative outlook comes from my childhood. I wasn't really socialised as a child. I wasn't allowed out after school and no one was allowed round to the house, I had to entertain myself and generally I was a burden. My own biological father left when I was very young and I have no recollection of him at all. My mother then met her partner and we moved into his house. Now I am older I realise that he never wanted me, he wanted my mum and I was part of the package. He would tell me I was stupid and would amount to nothing, surprisingly my mum would defend him and I've always grown up thinking I am a bit of a loser/waste of space.

When in both of my relationships I would question their feelings towards me, say how they don't love me anymore. say how they are going off me and basically I drove them away with my insecurities and a poor outlook on life. I'm sure this all comes from my childhood. Now I am older it's really starting to affect me. I have mentioned this to my mum, but after all these years she still defends her partner and I'm made to be in the wrong.

There is nothing worse than knowing that your own mother will choose her BF'S word over her own son. At the age of 30 ( Way too late IMO) I have decided to change my life, but I Still can't help shift these negative feelings no matter how hard I try.

I have opted to see a therapist so hopefully, a combination of that and this forum helps!
 
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