Hello Bristol People!

[j_lol]

I only found this site a couple of hours ago. I have had a bad day today and felt a little out of control this evening. I knew I had to do something so for the first time ever searched the net for a forum to find some people who would understand all this. After a little while of reading some of the threads on this site I feel hugely comforted.

It's really nice to find some locals too! I am doing CBT at the moment but had to go private and can only afford one session every month so it's so lovely to know I can come to this site when I need some extra help.

 

[Dollit]

Hi Jlol and it's good to see you here. I wonder where you are because when I was offered CBT on the NHS I was apologized to because I had to wait more than a few weeks and I'm in Bristol. Still you're here and that's all that counts. Hope you get support from us and we have fun here too.

 

[j_lol]

Hi Dollit, Thanks very much for your words of support.

I went to my GP in ******* and was disappointed by the care I recieved. I finally went after a friend made me go as I was at my absolute lowest ebb, I couldn't sleep, eat or function at all. I told the GP I did not want medication as I was prescribed Seroxat when I was 17 and it really screwed with me in the worst possible ways so I did not want to risk that again. I was told that the only way I would get better was through medication and that CBT on the NHS would have been about a 9 month wait. I was given a prescription and a website address for mood gym.

When I got home my boyfriend persueded me to stick to my guns on the medication front because the thought of takoing it was terrifying to me and we shredded the prescription. A friend recommended a really good Doctor who offers CBT and I have been seeing him since January.

I know that for some people medication is the only way but I am so pleased to have proved to myself that even though It's incredibly tough I have managed to improve hugely through CBT alone and am glad to have found a wonderful doctor. He has made me understand that meds may be necessary at some point but for now we can manage this with therapy alone. Now I understand it all it is not so scary.

I'm glad you had better experiences with the NHS than I did. I'm sure it must depend very much on the GP you see and their own views and opinions on mental health problems. My GP just didn't seem to get the urgency of the situation I was searching for reasons behind my felings - she didn't understand that there is no reason.

xx

 

[Dollit]

Well some GPs are very good and some just aren't that good. I think you have to find what is best for you and if it's not medication at the moment then that's okay. People are always on about talking therapy but it's not so easy to get in practice!

Well done for coming this far and well done for sticking to your guns. That's hard in the face of a stubborn doctor but harder somehow for a mental health patient.

Look forward to getting to know you!

 

[j_lol]

You too, Looking around the site you seem to be there for everyone offering support and words of wisdom. Good on you, I think everyone in this world just needs to learn to be a bit nicer to each other and it seems that that is what this site is about. I'm very happy here.

 

[Kat667]

Hello

I'm actually a Bath person (used to live in N.Ireland but moved here last April). Have had problems with panic attacks and severe mood swings to the point my family are sure I must be bi-polar. Am frightened it could affect my work as I actually work in a private hospital. I've lost jobs and had a disastrous personal life in the past as a result (on and off antidepressants etc). Am worried it is a hereditary thing as an aunt of mine was sectioned and diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic among other things.
From finding this forum I realise I'm not alone with this and it is useful to read advice from others.

 

[Shannon.]

hey im new to this and im from bristol umm if you ever want to talk im here.x

 

[Kat667]

Thanks Shannon.
Am going through a depressed phase at moment. A colleague of mine took one look at me and said 'bad day?' I said 'I'm o.k', he then told me he could see by my eyes that I wasn't right because his ex-wife was bi-polar (I hadn't said anything, he knew cos I keep holding back of my neck and she had tension in same place). Was such a relief to meet someone who doesn't think it's moodiness or a bad day. When he told me of how life was with her I realised what my husband must be going through. Fact that my husband thinks it's just laziness or boredom doesn't help, it isn't that. I have a very demanding job for crap money.

Depressed phase started end or mid october (can't quite remember) and feel like I'm in the midst of it. Probably won't feel 'up' again until Feb. Got given questionnaire about good days and bad days. Same questions different moods, except when I'm in a low I can't clearly remember how I felt on good days, only that the bad stuff was still there but didn't get me down so much because my mind was racing, I was happy but still had same thoughts if that makes any sense.

 

[Frisbee]

Hey Kat and Shannon (and j_lol and Dollit if you're still here)

...after having one of my 'episodes' this morning I thought I'd search the internet to see if there are any others out there who feel as out of control at times as I do.

It was reassuring Kat to read how you felt about coping with things whilst still having the same degree of thoughts inside. When I am up I can ignore the 'dark' thoughts and get on with things but know they are still there but choose to put them in a box so I can enjoy that moment. When I am down I am consumed by these thoughts but occasionally get the glimpse of rational thought that gives me some clarity that I am ill and that is why I thinking such awful things.

I know I am not a bad person, I worked in social care for 10 years and burned myself out doing so, but sometimes I scare myself at how nasty I can think of people. When I am calm and rational I look back and am horrified.

What are your thoughts on this please? Are these the ramblings of a mad woman??!

Kat do you know what instigated your recent phase and you described yourself as being in the midst of it and why you think it may end in February? I am interested, if you don't think I'm too forward and nosy, to know how you know this and what being in the midst is like. Don't worry, I wont be offended if you feel I am being too nosy.

Hope you all had a good new year x

 

[Kat667]

Frisbee, no I don't think you're being nosey, it's a valid question.
It is because I have had many episodes since my 20's and they seem to last for similar length of time. The manic phases don't seem to last quite so long and feel great for a while even if I do get out of touch with reality.

I am not sure what instigated current depressed phase. Times like Xmas and not being content in my job probably makes it worse as it adds stress and takes away routine, but I have had peaks and troughs for years with little if any 'normality' in between.

Social work profession seems to burn a lot of people out, must be very tough having to deal with difficult situations every day, know others who have done it, must be awful.

Hope you have a good new year too. All the best.