Hello Anxiety

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Witchoo

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2017
Messages
11
#1
Hey guys, Witchoo.

I'm a 23 year old guy from the UK. I've been suffering from panic attacks for the last 7/8 months which resulted in other anxiety symptoms. At the beginning, it was mostly ones that feign heart attacks. Before knowing I was suffering from plain old anxiety, I had went to hospital for dizziness and panic attack-like sensations. I was told on the spot that I had an viral infection that effects balance and was injected with an antipsychotic. I went home and after a few hours, I began to feel a cabin fever that drew darker and darker ever so. I went out for a walk and felt the sensation increase. Back home, I tried to be sick and nothing was happening. I phoned an ambulance in what I would call mental torture, thinking I had a bad reaction. I was in so much distress I was about to jump out the window. My parents turned up at the house and managed to get me into a taxi back to hospital. The doctor said I had a bad reaction and sedated me.

The next day it felt like I was slowly recovering from shock. It's like I had a panic attack but mixed with the symptoms of the drug which resulted in a new kind of terror attack. Instead of the fear of dying I had been getting with panic attacks, this was the opposite where I was under so much distress I felt I had to end my life. Bizarre and devastating. I came to the conclusion with my family that I never had the infection and it was just anxiety symptoms, the doctor did have a hard time diagnosing so it makes sense. After thinking it was bad luck and a one time occurrence, I would experience similar repetitive terror attacks (I call them terror attacks to differentiate from the panic attacks as they are both the two opposites) It's never as bad as the initial experience but I still have the feeling of needing to end my life in a panic-like state. A therapist told me that while I haven't developed PTSD aswell, it is a traumatic memory that now could act as a new recoccuring anxiety symptom. This is an interpretation of course of a very confusing scenario. One second I could be great and the next some hits and everyone surrounding me including sounds cave in and I feel instantly suicidal. Very strange and completely life-changing.

I've been to see a couple of therapists and recorded their tips and information. I have learned a bit about depersonalisation, derealisation, health anxiety and the frightening modes anxiety can put you in.
I'm at a strange stage of recovery where I've realised I may have had the optimum amount of professional help I can get and it's just a case of living with it and trying to beat it with the tools I've learned.

However, I experience symptoms that are really hard to describe. Instead of going to a therapist, I figured I can now explore an online community of people whom I can relate to that can hopefully help me and I, of course, can help others down the road of recovery and experience.

Recently, I've been feeling an aggressive energy, most likely built from frustration over the lack of control and the weight of the anxiety. I would say my mind interprets this energy as a rage, an incredibly strong feeling of not being able to do several things at once. It feels as thought I'm frustrated by physical limitations, like if I was to kick my foot into the ground it would never go deep enough or if I was to punch a punching bag, I could do it for ages but fear I would still feel the exact feeling of that impossible frustration afterwards, even if tiring the body. In fact, it's a frustration of the limits of any concept like a song, a book, a building, a conversation. SUCH A HARD IDEA TO PUT INTO WORDS. and by the very sound of it, it is irrational. But I guess I'm scared by this idea because I don't just think it, I feel it. I suddenly feel trapped in my own body. Like I need my intangible physical self to break out my own body. I can obviously literally survive and move about with it. But I can not enjoy life at all. The thought feels completely mutated, I feel it scares me before I have time to control it. I guess I need help to get rid of this bizarre part of the anxiety (if that is what it is). and to know if there's anybody out there that can relate in any way to this strange factor I've described. It's like my brain has malfunctioned and it's actually creating impossible sensations.

The sad thing is I'm not aggressive at all, I'm quite sensitive. So it's a surprising feeling, it's quite intense so it can be devastating. It almost feels like an inhuman urge that could never be relieved.
I have learned about the obsessive and irrational parts of anxiety, which i believe I have been having problems with.
It could very well be an irrational thought. But I desperately need guidance and clarity with this specific problem, as it doesn't just feel like a irrational thought, more a feeling.

Anyway, I'd love some advice, some things that have been great recovery hints for anyone out there with similar experiences.
Glad to be part of the community.

Thank you.
 
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Witchoo

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2017
Messages
11
#2
I guess an additional query to be answered for anybody reading and willing would be,
how do I overcoming this aggressive restlessness? it's like i need to get out of my body sometimes, a claustrophobia, a cabin fever wherever I am, it's maddening because it is obviously impossible to stretch out of one's physical body, it feels like an intense frustration, it is what peace is not..
if it's a feeling like this do I treat it as an anger issue, treat it with exercise or is it treated with other methods? I believe positive thinking is absolutely the first step but (I know 'but's are popular with anxious people) how do I treat such a strong by-product of an aggressive FEELING as this?

Cheers
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,439
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#3
I had something like what you are describing. If physical exercise doesn't put a dent in it, then you might try deep meditation. You haven't quit a medication recently, have you ?? That can cause feelings like what you are having. It is so hard just existing with such an intense feeling dominating. I know what it's like to be so uncomfortable in your own body that death seems like a good idea. You say you've been to doctors and therapists. A major tranquilizer would help but you would have to quit it eventually. I don't know what they are saving the major tranquilizers for if not to help people. I took one for about a year. You just have to stop it very gradually. Of course, meditation is supposedly better but I only felt relief while I was meditating and then the body freaking out returned as soon as I stopped. There's got to be an answer for you because I got better, so you should be able to get better too. I just kept going to new doctors until someone did something different. I have a very long and convoluted history, so I can't post it here. I hope you'll write back and tell us how you are doing. I would want to know that you are okay.
 
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Witchoo

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2017
Messages
11
#4
I'm okay my friend. thank you for your reply. I hope you are well. x