Hello - another one from Suffolk !

[MusicSuffolk]

Hi

I'm not sure if I'm in the right place ! Especially as mine is a relationship issue. Not getting on with the wife I guess you'd say ! And I don't think I'd be here except for a an 'episode' which happened 18 months ago when my wife had a strange and for me scary period.

Maybe this is not the place to air it. - and maybe I should be in a different section?

Anyway, I can only describe the 'episode' as being 'paranoia'. My wife thought the neighbours were 'out to get her'. It started off that she said she heard them talking about her in the garden. This carried on to the point where she claimed she could hear their voices in the house, even though they are detached properties with no windows open and it was impossible. This developed into thoughts that she was being followed (she went to the Police with this who dismissed it out of hand). And even more frightening for me she said that when she was in bed she felt her body was being 'zapped by rays from next door' (through the walls) even though I was lying next to her and felt nothing.

There is alot more to it and it got worse and worse, and she was convinced all sorts of things were going on even though they were completely irrational. My 2 sons and I tried hard to sympathise. But she is very stubborn. Finally, she was persuaded to see her GP. I suspect I have not been told exactly what the GP said, but apparently it was an 'anxiety' attack and she just needed to take some herbal tablets to calm her down (seems an unlikely treatment!).

There is much more to this episode. But just to say it left me scared and worried. And what's worse, there has never been any 'closure'. I made her promise to tell me if there was any repeat, but I don't think she will.

And there seems alot of 'denial' in our relationship now. Simple things such as "Oh, you left the lounge light on all night" - "No I didn't - I couldn't have done, what are you talking about?"

How do I handle that??

Anyway - maybe someone can kindly tell me where to air this in the forum, or where else I should look.

Can I also just say I have suggested we both try some professional help but she won't hear of it.

 

[Dollit]

You can air this anywhere you feel and if it's not in the best spot one of us mods will move it for you.

When people are in denial about things you have to look for help for yourself to cope and yes it will put a strain on your relationship.

Be calm and firm but loving - big things to ask sometimes I know. If you look at the top of the page and click on Getting Help there's some links there you may find useful - good luck and keep coming back.

 

[Halo]

Hello MusicSuffolk

I understand how you must be feeling. When I was in my 20's my mother use to say that the blackbirds in the garden were talking about her and calling her name. Back then it was harder to get help i suppose and my mother eventually got worse.

I came on this forum not only to help myself but to help my husband understand what it is i have and how to best cope and get help.

You and your children need to understand and you need supporting also. Its just as important.

Im yet to find a local group where i can go for coffee mornings.

Best Wishes

 

[saffron]

welcome music Suffolk, I hope you find what you are looking for and again I agree that the more you know on the subject the better you will be able to help in the best possible way. and feel free to talk about it one here, even if we cannot help we can listen.
S

 

[MusicSuffolk]

To all of the above:

Thanks for understanding. Earlier I was thinking that maybe this forum was the wrong place for my post. And I do appreciate that many using this forum have much worse problems than me.

So it is nice to get some positive response.

I guess for the time being, I will take a look around and see whether any posts have anything in common with my situation. I just feel my wife is not telling me everything. I'm willing to make changes and do things differently, but I can't unless I understand the issues !

 

[saffron]

Hi
not sure if you changing yourself will help at all, but you should seek some support for yourself as an individual, sometimes the doctors do put it down to panic attacks and advise taking herbal remedies to calm nerves... However you also do not know exactly what your wife said to him, if she has played it down because she doesn't want to make a fuss or admit she haas a problem for instance, the doctor can only go by what she told him. admitting you have a problem is about the hardest thing to do.
The most honest thing you can do is be open enough with your wife to let her know how it is making you feel without making her feel guilty about it, tell her what you have told us, that you want to be there for her but just dont know what to do, that you love her and will always be there for her.
Fussing over her and acting differently could ignite things further, paranoia is a very powerful thing.
browse the internet as well for psychological sites that can give you an insight into it.
happy new year and be strong you will get your wife back.
S

 

[MusicSuffolk]

Hi Saffron

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Knowing my wife as I do, I'm sure she would have presented a very 'summarised' account to the GP even though I stressed the importance of telling everything !

As you say, admitting there is an issue seems very hard for her - hence the whole denial thing I mentioned before. I find it very difficult to deal with some of her notions - for instance the ideas of rays been transmitted from one house to another through walls and a 10 feet gap and affecting only her ! Whilst not impossible (I guess) is hugely unlikely!

I guess I have been trying what you suggest - ie. being supportive but not pushy. But I still feel I am treading on egg-shells and I'm pretty sure she keeps alot to herself and ignores the fact that there are issues.

I'm the sort of guy that needs to air stuff, agree a way forward and then get closure on it. So its very frustrating.

 

[Behind The Sun]

Hi MusicSuffolk to the forum
Hope this place helps

 

[saffron]

Hi Saffron

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Knowing my wife as I do, I'm sure she would have presented a very 'summarised' account to the GP even though I stressed the importance of telling everything !

As you say, admitting there is an issue seems very hard for her - hence the whole denial thing I mentioned before. I find it very difficult to deal with some of her notions - for instance the ideas of rays been transmitted from one house to another through walls and a 10 feet gap and affecting only her ! Whilst not impossible (I guess) is hugely unlikely!

I guess I have been trying what you suggest - ie. being supportive but not pushy. But I still feel I am treading on egg-shells and I'm pretty sure she keeps alot to herself and ignores the fact that there are issues.

I'm the sort of guy that needs to air stuff, agree a way forward and then get closure on it. So its very frustrating.

Morning badbuddha
It must be hard to know where to go next, sometime not doing anything but acting as normal as possible could be the best policy, of course still supporting her when she has an episode, but the rest of the time just get on with things as normal as possible, A hard task I know but sometimes acting differently may fuel the irrational thoughts. does that make sense?
please try to get someone professional for yourself to talk too as this will help you to be able to cope better with what is going on at the moment.
we will always be here for you aswell.
happy new year
S

 

[MusicSuffolk]

Hi Saffron

Thanks for you post.
Yes, it is hard to know where to go next. This has been going on 18 months during which time I have tried to act normally, and indeed it has barely been mentioned between us. But I just fee the underlying issues have not gone away.

Hopefully browsing this forum will help me understand better.