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Hello, am I failure

B

blue_wednesday

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Indonesia
First off all, I'm sorry with my English because it's not my mother language.

I'm 36 yo biological female, unmarried and never had any love relationship, nor friend nor even pets.

I am what people in reddit called incel woman, a hermit. Well, I admit that I've been commited hikikomori (social withdrawal) for almost 3.5 years, even before the pandemic.

Before all of this happened, I have normal salary job. I was a telemarketer for almost 11 years. A job which very contradicting with my introvert personality. Everyday when I have to smile and being bubbly, I feel like my soul is being tortured. However I took that job not because I want to, but because I have no choice, and as you expected the social pressure made me decide to resign.

I believe the root from my mental health issues is my childhood trauma (which I won't tell here now because it's a long story). However those trauma made me become a socially awkward person. I also suffered of anxiety, paranoid, inferiority complex, trust issues and suicidal thoughts.

I try to keep my sanity by writing my dark thoughts into a story and posted it in some web novel application. One day, there's a publisher company offered me contract to print my novel, I was so happy so I agree with hope this will be the new start of my career as an author. But for months I don't hear any news anymore and lately I find out that they changed their mind. Maybe because they thought that my stories is not marketable so now, I'm financially and psychologically broke.

Anyway, I'm here not expecting much, just some people to talk to or maybe willing to listen to my story before I'm really gone.
 
ht46

ht46

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
3,828
Location
Pluto
Welcome, hope this forum helps :)
 
ht46

ht46

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
3,828
Location
Pluto
I feel like a failure too, it sounds like you're quite introverted there's nothing wrong with that and just wanting to sustain your hermit life is fine I do it as well. We're all wired differently. Sorry about your book, you must keep writing if you're up to it though sometimes those small hobbies keep us afloat.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,652
Location
USA
First off all, I'm sorry with my English because it's not my mother language.

I'm 36 yo biological female, unmarried and never had any love relationship, nor friend nor even pets.

I am what people in reddit called incel woman, a hermit. Well, I admit that I've been commited hikikomori (social withdrawal) for almost 3.5 years, even before the pandemic.

Before all of this happened, I have normal salary job. I was a telemarketer for almost 11 years. A job which very contradicting with my introvert personality. Everyday when I have to smile and being bubbly, I feel like my soul is being tortured. However I took that job not because I want to, but because I have no choice, and as you expected the social pressure made me decide to resign.

I believe the root from my mental health issues is my childhood trauma (which I won't tell here now because it's a long story). However those trauma made me become a socially awkward person. I also suffered of anxiety, paranoid, inferiority complex, trust issues and suicidal thoughts.

I try to keep my sanity by writing my dark thoughts into a story and posted it in some web novel application. One day, there's a publisher company offered me contract to print my novel, I was so happy so I agree with hope this will be the new start of my career as an author. But for months I don't hear any news anymore and lately I find out that they changed their mind. Maybe because they thought that my stories is not marketable so now, I'm financially and psychologically broke.

Anyway, I'm here not expecting much, just some people to talk to or maybe willing to listen to my story before I'm really gone.
Welcome to the forum, BW. You will find many folks here who are battling Depression just as you are. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings, we try and help each other through our daily struggles. I'm sure you'll find comfort here.

Your english is fine, don't be concerned.
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
7,007
Location
Norway
Hi blue_wednesday welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
mapletree

mapletree

Active member
Joined
Nov 5, 2013
Messages
35
Hi there and welcome. I know what it is like to be introverted due to childhood trauma. Reading your post I understood you right away so maybe no need to apologise for your English.
 
B

blue_wednesday

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Indonesia
Welcome to the forum, BW. You will find many folks here who are battling Depression just as you are. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings, we try and help each other through our daily struggles. I'm sure you'll find comfort here.

Your english is fine, don't be concerned.
Thank you
 
Marigold Dip

Marigold Dip

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2021
Messages
36
Location
Leeds
Hi BW! Your English is great :) I hope you know that being an introvert is something to be celebrated, just like being an extrovert or ambivert. Sometimes not being comfortable because you're used to society telling us how we should be, that can make the issues around how we see ourselves. I'm sorry that you've been through so much. I want you to know - there's nothing wrong with enjoying space from other people. There really isn't. Thanks for sharing as it really resonates and I hope you feel seen by the forum.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,652
Location
USA
There is a lot of empathy and love in this forum, BW. We all have some sort of MH issue-anxiety, depression, bipolar, substance abuse, etc.. We all struggle every day just to make it through. But here you will find people who understand what you are going through, because they have been through it also. Please feel free to share your feelings and struggles, you are not alone. You have value as a human being and you're probably a very good human being. The forum can provide comfort when you can't find it in your everyday life. It has for me.
 
S

sunset_girl

Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Europe
Hello I'm a fellow introvert and I am also new to this forum. I hope you can find the support you need.
 
S

spectre1888

New member
Joined
Jul 26, 2021
Messages
3
Location
USA
Welcome to the forum, I'm new here too. Your post pretty much sums up my life as well in some ways.

I'm 31 years old and never had any love relationships. I am also currently dealing with depression, self hatred, an inferiority complex, and a litte bit of ocd. I used to leave the house like a normal person until I turned 16. Then I got my GED and retreated into seclusion with a host of mental health problems and I've been living with family members throughout the years to support this hermetic existence. I also write, not novels but music it's done in private and for my own sanity but it is something to keep me going. You should keep writing as well if you enjoy it.

Anyways, You are not alone here, this place definitely helps to get things off of your chest and is full of friendly people who seem to genuinely care. Please feel free to message me if you'd like, even hermits need some conversation from time to time.

P.S. You should consider getting a pet they help tremendously when you have no one else.
 
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