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A

Apotheosis

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Hello everyone

I was directed here from the "mad not bad" forum.

A bit about me -

I took drugs & drink from the age of 11 - 28, & I've been "clean" for over 6 years. I don't drink anything or take any drugs apart from meds. At 17 I had my first psychotic break, but it was after a long period of depression & problems. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 25 & I've been on anti psychotics ever since. I thought that when I stopped the drugs the MH "problems" would clear up - they didn't. My recent psychiatrist over the past couple of years thought I could have been suffering with manic depression, & more recently thought things were more in line with scizoaffective disorder. I do get prone to depression, especially in the winter months. I feel quite low at the moment.

I have tried stopping the meds 3 times in the last 10 years & I just get very ill. I don't like taking the tablets. I haven't worked in over 6 years & even longer without a full time job. I do try with college courses & also I find alternative healing beneficial, I am a fully qualified Reiki practitioner. But I have been without a regular girlfriend in along time, & I get lonely & feel hopeless sometimes.

It is hard living with label of an MH diagnosis. Just recently all I've wanted to do is to pour out my "problems". I have taken to thinking God is blame for my "Problems", which is a change from me blaming society. LOL.

I look forward to chatting to you sometime.

Paul
 
D

Dollit

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Welcome to our forum and I'm glad you've found your way here. It's a friendly bunch of people. I get a lot of support here - I had a crisis recently (bipolar) and felt very much cared for and it made a big difference. Hope to see you around the threads! :welcome: :tea:
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Hello and :welcome: Paul .
Pleased you found your way here :)
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Wow, interesting first post. Not the first post I've read of yours, just been having a look at those links. I have this sneaking hope that we may be able to talk over some crazy stuff over the coming months. Whereabouts are you in the country mate, if I can ask???
 
A

Apotheosis

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Thanks Rorschach,

Are you in London?

I live in sunny Bournemouth. I look forward to some crazy talk!

Paul
 
Rorschach

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Yep mate about 1/2 mile from Parliament. Never been to Bournemouth, must be nice come the summer...
 
lucid scream

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Ive stopped my meds a few times myself. At first, I simply refused to believe there was anything wrong.
Until I was bathing, and the showerhead morphed into a human head, and I thought it was gonna shoot lightning at me. Plus theres the everpresent fear of impending doom.
Someone told me once (another schizophrenic) that the meds arent entirely for us, but so the people who love us.
 
Rorschach

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Someone told me once (another schizophrenic) that the meds arent entirely for us, but so the people who love us.
Remember the other day Lucid, I mentioned that illness is often a socio-economic construction. Well I reckon the meds make it easier for a whole many more people than just our families, I suppose it's our end of the social contract, theirs being not burning us at the stake :LOL:

I had years of thinking I'd be ok without meds, funnily enough corresponding to numerous periods in hospital with varying degrees of seriousness. Last time I was sectioned was after a hitch hiking trip around Europe . Funnily enough, one of my friendly 'voices' told me to take my meds with me, which I ignored, bit silly of me :unsure: Eventually I decided I'd see what happened if I took my meds religiously as the doctor's suggested. It's been over 8 years since I've been in hopital; I've married, had three children, gone back to work, and just finished a BSc. Perhaps it wasn't part of a biomedical conspiracy after all, then again...perhaps it was, I just joined up ;)
 
A

Apotheosis

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The beach is good, I enjoy swimming in the sea when it's warmer & lying on the beach. It's also a laid back & slow kind of place, on the whole, which I like.

Lucid; I've been progressively worse every time I've tried stopping meds, the impending doom, yes, I couldn't have comprehended, before stopping, how ill I got last time I stopped, I was virtually catatonic & had a "vision" which lasted days - it was horrific. I agree though that the meds aren't entirely for us.

I still have hope that with the right circumstances & support I could become medication free. I think allot of what I experience is a "withdrawal effect" & that whatever states stopping brings; that I could, with time, go through these experiences & come out stronger on the other side. Getting there is another matter. People around me react with panic & fear when I become ill, mainly through concern for me. I cannot put my family through another repeat of the last withdrawal, or myself, I would have to be better prepared to deal with the stuff which comes up.
 
lucid scream

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Remember the other day Lucid, I mentioned that illness is often a socio-economic construction. Well I reckon the meds make it easier for a whole many more people than just our families, I suppose it's our end of the social contract, theirs being not burning us at the stake :LOL:

I had years of thinking I'd be ok without meds, funnily enough corresponding to numerous periods in hospital with varying degrees of seriousness. Last time I was sectioned was after a hitch hiking trip around Europe . Funnily enough, one of my friendly 'voices' told me to take my meds with me, which I ignored, bit silly of me :unsure: Eventually I decided I'd see what happened if I took my meds religiously as the doctor's suggested. It's been over 8 years since I've been in hopital; I've married, had three children, gone back to work, and just finished a BSc. Perhaps it wasn't part of a biomedical conspiracy after all, then again...perhaps it was, I just joined up ;)
true, dat. Funny, most times, except the last time, I havent really noticed a difference, I guess because I spent years sick with no meds. But my wife finds me intolerable, with my non-stop talking and pacing and severe mood swings.
Weve had our personal problems, but all in all, the womans a saint for putting up with me, for nearly 10 years now.
 
Rorschach

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Paul, just noticed you like Douglas Adams...do you recognise this symbol. It came to me like an epiphany while I was doing the sofa to sofa, squat to squat, city to city routine...


...found out later from someone who'd read Dirk Gently that Adams used it for the character. The epiphany revolved around 'The answer to life the universe and everything.' ;)
 
A

Apotheosis

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It is a hexagram from the I-Ching. It's basic meaning is - "Parting". Other variations include break-through (resoluteness). I would have to look into it further for it's fuller meaning. It's been a long time since I consulted the I-Ching, but I have a friend who is very much into it.

I haven't read Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, although I have listened to some of it on the radio, & so I am not sure if the similarity to the I-Ching hexagram is intended, I suspect that it is, I wonder why this one?. I have the box set of the 5 hitch-hikers guide to the Galaxy series, I've read three of them, I must read the rest sometime, I do enjoy his writing. I read "so long & thanks for all the fish" one time in hospital, it was about the most enjoyable thing I did at the time.

An interesting experience you had, could you expand on it please.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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It is a hexagram from the I-Ching. It's basic meaning is - "Parting". Other variations include break-through (resoluteness). I would have to look into it further for it's fuller meaning. It's been a long time since I consulted the I-Ching, but I have a friend who is very much into it.

I haven't read Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, although I have listened to some of it on the radio, & so I am not sure if the similarity to the I-Ching hexagram is intended, I suspect that it is, I wonder why this one?. I have the box set of the 5 hitch-hikers guide to the Galaxy series, I've read three of them, I must read the rest sometime, I do enjoy his writing. I read "so long & thanks for all the fish" one time in hospital, it was about the most enjoyable thing I did at the time.

An interesting experience you had, could you expand on it please.
Sure mate more than happy to, the Dirk Gently thing just makes me more sure I'm right; Adam's writes an interest in the I-Ching into his character.

I used to hitch everywhere, carrying my rucksack and guitar with me. Used to have a I-Ching stuck in the pack. So one day I thought 'Oh my God!!!! 42!!!! Its a Hexagram!!!!!' So I plucked out the book.

In the 'Hitch Hikers...', deep thought gives them the answer, it was just they needed to know the question. The I-Ching is a little bit like that 64(ish) answers, but millions of questions, the only constant in the universe being change. Understand the question, you understand the answer...so...

"What is the answer to life the Universe and Everything?"

"42"

Wind and thunder: the image of INCREASE.
Thus the superior man:
If he sees good, he imitates it;
If he has faults, he rids himself of them.


Now, that sure sounds like the answer to me. Look for the bad within, Look for the good without.

:clap:
 
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