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Hello all

A

albagobragh

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Hi,
I've been diagnosed with persistent delusional disorder although unsurprisingly I don't agree with this diagnosis :). I've been admitted to a psychiatric ward 4 times now, the first time 4 and a half years ago. I'm currently on a CTO and (unwillingly but under the terms of this) take a depot injection of aripiprazole once monthly. I have a wife, one child, and work full time.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Welcome to the forums, I'm on 10mg Aripiprazole and 4mg Risperidone for psychosis.

What do you believe that the doctors think is delusional? I have many beliefs about hearing voices I guess they'd label me the same as you.
 
A

albagobragh

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Hi NWiddi,
I've been on Risperidone (and Olanzapine) previously although not at the same time.

I've got persecutory beliefs. Basically feel that I've been hypnotised (both voluntarily and involuntarily) in the past and that I have recollections stemming from that hypnosis. Believe the psychiatric services are 'in on it'. Needless to say they disagree. As for persistent delusional disorder? You are right, its just a label.
 
H

Helen73

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Hi, I'm on aripiprazole depot once a month also - do you feel it works?
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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That's rough, I wouldn't let anyone hypnotise me for any amount of money.

It's a long story but one of my beliefs is that anti-psychotics make you immune to hypnotism.
 
A

albagobragh

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Hi, I'm on aripiprazole depot once a month also - do you feel it works?
I feel a little bit calmer on aripirazole but it doesn't affect what I believe one jot. I also don't get recollections when I'm on anti-psychotics which is evidence for what the psychiatrists believe I suppose. I'd rather not be on it though due to side effects - e.g. tiredness, which they say is unusual for aripirazole - it can have the opposite effect. Does it work for you?
 
H

Helen73

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Not yet. I've only been on it for a couple of months. I guess I need to give it more time. I was on depixol but had too many side effects so they changed it and things have got worse.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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For me labels are just labels, if the treatment causes a detrimental effect though, in my opinion that's a different matter....
 
A

albagobragh

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May 17, 2019
Messages
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Location
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Hi and welcome :welcome:

Whats a CTO? :unsure:
A CTO is a Community Treatment Order. On my admissions to hospital I've been a voluntary patient although I got sectioned the last time I was in due to refusing medication. This was on a section 3 which can last upto 6 months. I stayed in hospital for 9 weeks at which point I was released on the CTO. Basically it means I've got to conform to certain conditions - take medication, see a psychiatrist regularly or else I can get recalled straight back into hospital.

More info here ...

Rethink Mental Illness
 
S

Ste

Guest
Hi. I was diagnosed with Persistant Delusional Disorder. The sub class is persecutory I think as I have a large amount of paranoia. I am always thinking people are constantly conspiring, talking about me disrespectfully, and actively making my life miserable. Like you I disagree somewhat with the diagnosis. I disagree because it states I am hallucinating this persecution, whereas I think everything I hear and see is real. There are people are conspiring, talking, being abusive etc towards me. The reason I think it is real because I do not think everyone is against me, only certain people.
I used to be on olanzapine for years and it was good in that it kept my paranoia away as it made my head fuzzy and made me so sleepy that most of the time I wasn't at work I was asleep, including the whole weekend.
I then decided after a few years that this is no kind of life . I do not do anything outside of work except sleep and on olanzapine also get really fat. I tried aripriprazole but it did nothing for my paranoia and gave me insomnia. So I stopped all meds last year in June. I told the doctor and was assessed and left to go my own way as I was low risk to go psychotic. So been med free since.
I just recently had a problem at my last job and had to resign because I could no longer take what I believed were people conspiring against me to get me sacked, this started right from my first day at work there. I put some of this in another post. How much of this persecution was real and how much was due to my paranoia I don't know, I believe it was all real. I am just happy to be out of the situation.
I just started a new job this week and I like the people and the work so I am hoping things will be better.
In addition I find that being off meds, with a clear head that actually I can enjoy my leisure time. Even when I was so angry due to work it would eventually fade over the weekend and I could have some time to enjoy life. I am not advocating to stop taking your meds. I am just saying it is a better life for me.
Ideally if I had been offered something that took away the paranoia but didn't have too bad side effects then I would take it. If anyone with this type of disorder could recommend some meds that work for them I would definitely look into if they would be suitable for me.
Sorry to go on about me. Happy to read your thoughts on how its affecting your life as you have a family (I don't) but you do have a full time job like me.
 
A

albagobragh

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Hi Ste,

Sorry to hear of your difficulties, I can relate to what you have written. My problems initially stemmed from work and then grew. Like you, I'm not suspicious of everyone, I just feel certain people are 'in the know' and involved. Whether PDD is a correct diagnosis or not, what is true is it is not a nice way to feel at all. It has been tough on my family, particularly the times when I've been in hospital but with the CTO it has been taken out of my hands now. Each time I've left hospital I have had to surrender my driving licence and then reapply after a few months and that has made things difficult. RE the meds, Olanzapine made me tired too, excessively so, and I put on weight which I've just about managed to lose now. I have had tiredness too on Aripirazole but I'm either used to it or it seems to be abating. Of the medications I've been on Aripirazole is the best (of a bad lot), so shame it hasn't worked for you. I hope the new job goes well for you and that you manage medication free. If it were up to me I'd certainly be off it.
 
S

Ste

Guest
Hi. I will say that I completely agree that it is 'certain people'. I know that because I am two weeks into the new job and I have had no problems, anxiety or feelings of persecution from any of the staff so far. In fact after the first week some of the staff were saying it seemed like I had been there quite a while as I had fitted in well. It is a small company so it is great to get along with the people there.

Are you still away from the hospital and manage to cope on the meds with your family at the moment? Is it looking yet like it might be manageable?

I do have one question which you are quite alright to not answer. I will say that for me it is 'certain people' therefore in my thoughts the persecution that I get is from 'real' events and not hallucinations.

So I wondered if you also think you do not hallucinate but see and hear things that are actually 'real' events?

What I cannot understand is the medical profession are happy to put labels and diagnose easy rather than actually listen. I told a NHS psyc that I was being persecuted at work giving examples and at the end of the session he said take no note of these events as they are not real but hallucinations. Well if I had bugged work with secret cameras and microphones then I could easy have provided evidence to prove these events were no hallucinations.

The thing I agree about is I am super paranoid but I feel it is only from past AND current things that happen to me that are persecutory to me. How about you?
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Bullying and ganging up on someone people have generally taken a disliking to, in my opinion is for many in their nature. In those circumstances, perhaps it's easy to just fob the situation off as being the victim's mental health at fault? If situations aren't properly looked into aren't we just giving a green light to this mentality? No doubt though if one of those people responsible for this sort of behaviour started complaining, everyone would take note, partly possibly because they know this person is trouble? Unfortunately it seems no one really cares unless you have the backing of others?
 
A

albagobragh

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Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
160
Location
UK
Hi Ste,

Great to read that the new job is going well and I hope it continues to do so. It sounds like the change was a good one for you.

Are you still away from the hospital and manage to cope on the meds with your family at the moment? Is it looking yet like it might be manageable?
I'm still away from hospital since my discharge onto the CTO in December 2018. I see my CPN every month for the depot injection and a psychiatrist every 6 weeks to 2 months. Although it seems she has forgotten about me at the moment. :)

I'm managing to cope fine on the meds, and family life is generally fine too. Being on the CTO does cause arguments at times, I don't want to be on it and would rather not take medication, whereas my wife feels that I need to be on it so that I do take medication.

I do have one question which you are quite alright to not answer. I will say that for me it is 'certain people' therefore in my thoughts the persecution that I get is from 'real' events and not hallucinations.

So I wondered if you also think you do not hallucinate but see and hear things that are actually 'real' events?
Some of the recollections I have are dreamlike and therefore I don't know if they are real or not. Other things have happened, I know it, but have been put down to 'visual hallucinations' by my psychiatrist when I was in hospital. All in all, when I recount what has happened, for instance when I speak to a Secondary Opinion Doctor, it all sounds a bit 'mad', even to me. :)

What I cannot understand is the medical profession are happy to put labels and diagnose easy rather than actually listen. I told a NHS psyc that I was being persecuted at work giving examples and at the end of the session he said take no note of these events as they are not real but hallucinations. Well if I had bugged work with secret cameras and microphones then I could easy have provided evidence to prove these events were no hallucinations.

The thing I agree about is I am super paranoid but I feel it is only from past AND current things that happen to me that are persecutory to me. How about you?
I try to categorise what has happened into things I am sure about, things I am unsure about and things I know to be false (but believed to be true at the time). I trust my own judgement and while I will listen to and acknowledge other opinions, will never take anyone's judgement into my situation over my own. They may be right and I may be suffering from a mental illness but ultimately I don't think so. I can relate to a lot of what you have said, particularly the paranoia, and one thing my psychiatrist said to me which definitely struck a chord was 'hyper vigilance', when not on medication.
 
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