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I have depression from 5 years now it's like hell,
before all that happened i was a normal dude that have a lot of friends and enjoy his life
nothing bad happened it just a day came and that idea came in my mind about what the meaning of everything?
nothing!! everything start to look bored for me and without a meaning,i start to lose desire of everything even in money if you give me a million dollar it will be the same if you give me 1 dollar nothing mean to meeven the happy moments i tell my self it's a lie cause it have an end, i dont feel nothing and even if something happy happen i tell my self its not real it will end,i start seeing a doctor
from 3 years now he gave me pills it worked for like 2 weeks then everything back like hell again..now i just spend my money to doctors
without a results,my psy doctor said it can't change if i dont have a desire to and i'm the only 1 can save me no pills and no doctors i really want back the desire to live but how???? i'm suicidal this last days
so one question what make life worth living for you? how you able to love something and smile and
you know it will end someday? SAVE ME i want to feel alive again now i'm just breathing there is a big difference
between breathing and be alive!


Hi and :welcome: to the forum,

5 years of depression does sound like hell....I feel for you, particularly if the meds only worked for you for the first 2 weeks. In my experience they don't work terribly well in the first two weeks and you can feel a great deal worse initially. Did you persist for long enough do you think?

In terms of your doctor's comments about feeling suicidal....he has a point unfortunately. Ultimately, we do have to WANT to live and not want to die. It's a tightrope to walk sometimes and difficult not to fall off.

Is there anything or anyone at all in your life that you value or care about? If there is try to focus on this when feelings get overwhelming. Many of us on here have these feelings from time to time and there is plenty of experience of depression - long term - on here.

Join our community and take some time to make some friends and get some support. It might help you perhaps....and at the very least it is worth a shot if you are already feeling rock bottom!

Take care and keep posting


Well-known member
Nov 11, 2014
Welcome Itsbirdy,sorry you feel so bad...thats a long time to deal with this awful illness. This forum has helped me, and others,please keep posting if you can, my cats make me smile even though that might sound silly and my son,he's 20 and comes out with some very funny things....you can get through this you know,I understand that's easy for me to say because i don't have to live with your head & heart,but many of us have & are where you are right now...its brave that you have come on this forum...please take care x
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2014
Hi itsbirdy and welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time of things. You've had a couple of good responses already and I just wanted to add that the forum has helped me a great deal at times and I hope you find it the same.


Well-known member
Dec 31, 2014
I just try to take one day at a time and get through it. In life endings are normal but I am trying to enjoy things one day at a time and not look at the ends all the time. If I did look at things as ending all the time, as I have done before, I would be very unhappy.


Jul 28, 2010
Out of Context
Hi itsbirdy, you are right, depression is hell. I've struggled with depression since about the age of 14, and I am 39 now. The problem with depression is that it robs you of all pleasure and enjoyment in life.

Have you tried more than one medication? It can really be trial and error when it comes to medication. I don't believe that medication is the be-all-end-all solution, but sometimes, if you can find one that works for you, it can be enough to get you to a place where you can start to figure out your life.

You say that you have spent a lot of money on doctors? What about a clinical counsellor, therapist, or psychologist? I think that it can be invaluable to talk to a professional and start working through your depression to figure out what your triggers might be. What about support groups? I personally find going to a support group twice a month really helpful because I can connect with other people who understand what I am going through.

I really hope that you will be able to find the help that you need. Posting on this forum is a good start. I've gotten a lot of support here over the years, and come on here every day, even if I don't post every day.
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