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Heartbroken and depressed.. Help.

J

Jones8196

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2016
Messages
3
Hi, i am new to this site.
I'm trying to find help as I am so depressed, heartbroken and lonely. I had a 2 year relationship with someone and it recently ended. Throughout the whole relationship he cheated on me with many different people. The first time I found out I took him back because I love him so much. The rest of the relationship I always knew it was happening again and again. He always called me crazy whenever I questioned him and he even persuaded my family that it was just because I didn't trust him and that I was making it all up in my head. I eventually got all the proof and left him. Everytime we break up he always comes back and I always let him. Recently I found out that whilst he was regularly seeing me after the break up he was also in a relationship with someone else. I tried to warn her what he was like but she never listen. They are still together now and I am so heartbroken. I can't move on from him. I have also recently lost my job. I am so depressed I can't take much more. Someone please help.
 
Alternative-16

Alternative-16

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2016
Messages
13
Location
CA
Love is a fickle thing. You can't tell yourself to stop loving someone even if you want to.

You know that he is so completely and utterly unworthy of your love and time and effort. It seems like you have an opportunity. A clean slate to start fresh. Put all of that energy that you used to funnel into your relationship and focus it on you. Use this site, maybe some counselling. Pick yourself up, brush the dust off your shoulders and get to know yourself - who you are without that disgusting excuse for a person (by that I mean your ex) leeching all of your energy.

Throw away every negative thing he has ever said to you. All of it was a lie he told you to make you stay with him. It's not easy, but I know you can do it. I haven't had the same exact experience, but I have had some terrible and abusive exes. If you want feel free to message me if you need a friend or just some support.

:loveshower:
 
T

Tonic

Guest
This might take a while for your heart to heal.

If possible, and you are supported by your family, perhaps you could have break from work before finding a new job? Maybe just having 2 or 3 weeks with no job searches or interviews will help. JSA.

In the long term, you are better off without him. Now you can find someone who deserves you. Don't feel sad about his new relationship. That is nothing to be jealous of.

In the mean time, try not to think about him. Every time a thought about him comes into your head you can let it go. Think about something else which you enjoy.

Do some therapeutic activities such as craft, dance or baking or whatever you enjoy.
 
J

Jones8196

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2016
Messages
3
Thank you so much for the reply and kind words!

I feel so stupid still thinking about it all and being so upset over it but I don't know how to stop!

Loosing my job has made it so much worse. Im sitting around all day thinking about it all and how much he has won by me being so down.

I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I don't enjoy doing things that I used to.

But I will try to change all that and forget him!

Thank you!!
 
J

Jones8196

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2016
Messages
3
Is it normal to also feel a lot of aniexty in these situations? I get this a lot when thinking of him or when someone mentions him.

It's a little bit like I can't breathe and a pain in my chest or its very tight?

I just want to be over him and happy again. I know what a horrible person he is and I don't understand why there is still love for him?

After everything he has done to me k should hate him so much. But I just can't find it in me to hate him enough to move on.
 
Alternative-16

Alternative-16

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2016
Messages
13
Location
CA
Yes, that is normal. It's okay that you can't hate him right away - that's pretty normal, too. You may get to that point eventually and it might be helpful for you to move on, but if you don't that's okay. Whenever you start thinking about him, think about how those thoughts relate to you. Being in a relationship - especially one like you described can make you lose yourself. Tonic is right; if you can afford it, try not to go back to work just yet. Do some soul searching. Try to figure out who you are now without this guy. Try something new everyday.

I feel like we make these things sound easy. It's not. I don't want you to feel that I am at all trivializing your situation. This is going to take work. This forum is a really great tool, please use it as much and as often as you need if it helps you through this.
 
V

Violetsparkle

Guest
I've been in a very similar situation before. Hopefully you will have that same light bulb moment that I had where you have that definite moment of knowing they don't love you or care, and didn't before (in my case) and therefore aren't who you thought and aren't who you want, etc. I know its a really sucky thing and it does knock you down and affect your mental health. You're worth more than him, he'll realise that one day way in the future when he's still doing the same sh*t to people and you've moved on and are happy - when I say moved on that doesnt necessarily mean with a new partner as you dont need one to be happy! :) but things will get better. Try your hardest to see the positives; e.g. this isn't a bad thing really as now you're free I bet you will actually end up in a better situation - I did! After that particular break up I went to my first ever concert, passed my driving theory, got a job and moved out! Also try to keep distracted and make sure you look after yourself :)

Here if you need to talk :hug:
 
C

Crazywomen

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2016
Messages
7
Omg I could have sworn I wrote this.
I feel you I really do I've had this happen in two of my most serious longest relationships I'm still struggling with my last one and pregnant to him. It's terrible I already have a child from my previous emotionally damaging relationship.
But I got through that alone and with a baby.
No job and had to find my own place before baby was born.
They honestly aren't worth it. With my current/last relationship we broke up for a few weeks and I ended up meeting a great guy like absolutely amazing and he is gorgeous pretty much the perfect person.
But my recent ex was in my ear and still in my heart I went back to him and went through the vicious cycle all over being more heartbroken because being stuck pregnant and alone.
This other guy has been trying so so hard to see me and take me out for dinner but I just can't it would be wrong. But I am learning to deal with each day as it comes without constantly crying and waiting for a text or a sorry I know will never come. Some people are so selfish and ignorant they don't see what their actions inflict onto anyone else especially when it's love. I had three anxiety attacks today. So still not coping but i am getting happier.
Chin up and remember your not alone and there will be others who will treat you great just don't settle for less xo
 
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