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heart is heavy with contentment lost x im new



Well-known member
Sep 9, 2009
bradford west yorks
hi im so confused , i have been living with this for years and i finally went to see the doctor yesterday, im in a low frightened mood this week, only 5 months ago i was up in the air. but its bad when i look what i did. i cheat on my partner and get really sexual with people and so angry at them when they dont want to know. i had really bad thoughts of murder and terrible sexual thoughts, but i felt elevated , i didnt care. i felt so happy from the middle of my chest. i begin 5 hobbies at once and start read and 3books , then change my sons diet to all healthy stuff to a point of obsession, i used to run home after working 8 hours. it was good for me but not for everyone else , i bought loads of stupid stuff off ebay like a bloody toy horse and books i will never read. then something happend and now i feel so bad. i feel bad for my husband . i dont mean to hurt him, i feel bad that my son will have to go through what i went through. my dad had manic depresstion and he killed him self over it when i was 15. the doctor said i have to wait to see a pyhc then he might put me on mood stabilizers, is this manic depression/ or is this normal? sorry for going on , do you feel guitly about things you cant cahnge , like realy sad for the guy who sweeps the streets?


I'm not able to offer much advice all that I can say really is that you have been very honest I hope that you can find support here regards JD
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