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Head's all over the place

H

happyhappy

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Apr 27, 2008
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Hi,

Not posted for a bit. Only tend to come when in distress....sorry :redface:

my head is in a bit of a spin at the moment. I am in what I would say is a depressive state. My pdoc isn't explaining too much. I told him I don't think the valproate is working for my depression....so he ups my quetiapine:unsure:

He says I am tense and displaying signs of paranoia. I reckon that just cos you are paranoid...doesn't mean they are not out to get you:) (can't remember where I read that but I like it!) His reasoning for thinking I am paranoid is cos I told him my boss wants to fire me....this is not untrue...she does. I have been off sick since July and only worked for 7 months in 3 years....heck...I would want to fire me! However, due to departemental constraints and disability discrimination act she is limited at the moment.

I waken in the morning and immediately feel sick. I don't know how I can get through the day. It seems like such a long long time til bed time. I lie in my bed as long as I can get away with but it is not always possible with children. When they are at school I go back to bed.

I have told pdoc all this and told him I can't stand much more and that my thoughts are getting bleaker. He said he worries when I say stuff like that. Yet why is he doing nothing about it? The only thing that really helps just now is diazepam because it takes the fear that I can't manage to get through the day. But he doesn't want me to have diazepam cos I OD'd on it a few weeks back and spent a week in hospital. I had some left though. I am being sensible and taking a very small dose (1/2 a 5mg tab) and only when I really can't stand it any longer. I don't want to become addicted to it though.

I feel so angry at him for not taking me seriously and I feel like I am just a laughing stock. I know he was angry at me for OD'ing.

How can a person just continue day in and day out with the same old feelings with no let up? He won't give me anti depressants and he insists on persevering with the bloody valproate and quetiapine even though I am depressed, anxious and in his words...paranoid?

Happyhappy
 
T

Twylight

Guest
My sister was on Quetiapine and hated it

She's trying Olanzapine at the moment - so far so so good
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
Life is so bloody difficult I actually said good bye to my bf tonight because I really believed that I was going to end it because I cannot take another day but do you know whots stopped I havent got enough squosh/pop to take the tablets but I was serious when I said goodbye to him, We do seem to strugle day in day out surely there must be a reason my spirtual guide said something about etrnity but I said that wasnt a good enough answer, I would like to have some quality of life maybe theres something better next time
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I would like to have some quality of life maybe theres something better next time
I can have a tendency to think in similar ways. But maybe this pain we go through, these struggles are the meaning.
 
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