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He just doesn't understand. Advice?

X

X0katiegreen0X

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2010
Messages
15
Hi,

Yesterday my dad told me to take off my wrist band and show him my wrist.
I tried to refuse but eventually he made me. He saw the scars and cuts.

My dad is a wonderful, intelligent, caring man. This is why I don't understand his reaction.

He told me to ''get a grip'' and that my life isn't hard and said that if he self harmed when he was younger he'd be head to toe in cuts, not just on the wrist.

I KNOW my life isn't hard.
I cut only on my wrist because it gives me the most satisfaction and is the easiest to hide for me. Him saying that made me want to cut up my arms and all over my hands and feet and face. He made things worse. I fought the urge though and cried until I fell asleep.

I just don't see how he doesn't understand, he's a great man and he's supposed to know everything. I know this sounds extremely immature but I really don't get how he can be so insensitive when I'm clearly not okay.

I DON'T do it for attention.

What he can't get your head around is that it's not the amount of bad things that happen in my life, nor the gravity of the bad things that happen.

It could be the smallest thing, and I'll flip.
I lose control, I can't manage my feelings.
The anger and upset builds up until I have no where to put it.
So I bleed it out.
It gives me RELIEF.

So my questions are:
Has this happened to anyone else?
Why did he react this way?
Has anyone else ever wanted to cut their face and everywhere visible but know that they can't?
What should I do? (confront him, leave it..)


Answers will be greatly appreciated :hug:
 
bulbie

bulbie

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 21, 2010
Messages
18,479
Location
Ayrshire
I thin it was a pretty insensitive approach of his, but probably brought on because of he saw in that instant just how you're feeling, and he doesn't know how to deal with it. He sounds scared, and it's manifesting as anger. you two need to sit down and talk about it.
 
maxitab

maxitab

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 18, 2010
Messages
10,392
Location
In Devon
Hi Katie....

I think of all the various things that can happen, SH seems the hardest for those around us to understand, and the reaction from someone otherwise loving seems strange to you, but is quite common.
One of the reasons if you are a parent is that it can feel like a direct reproach something is not right and it is usually a parents job to put it right and if you are SHing then the parent may feel they have failed. They don't see it as being about you, but as being about them.......

I have found that clear information from a respected source, in written form, is often a help. Then it avoids all the personal stuff. Written info is often more respected by people too. See if you can get hold of some of the good leaflets on the subject by Mind or Rethink ( I believe they may be free), and simply give them to whoever you need to......You can also get some one 'How to help Someone Who Self Harms' too.
Helplessness makes people feel angry, so maybe showing there is a way he can help?
 
greebobeebo

greebobeebo

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
Messages
1,014
Location
north norfolk
When my Mum realised I SH'd, she didn't understand either. It's not easy to explain. What I did was print off the sticky on here about self harm and left it on her kitchen worktop, whether she read it or not I have no idea, but she has no excuse now.

The only other person I would like to explain things to, is my OH, but he can't read and won't listen, coz I'm generally pissed off when I tell him stuff.
 
bobshocker

bobshocker

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Mar 13, 2011
Messages
2,500
Location
UK
your dad does sound like a brilliant guy. The thing is I think that unless you have done it, or thought about doing it, you aint never gonna understand it.
i know some people think its attention seeking, but they never done it, and you know that we try to hide it, so how can that be attn seeking any way.
i think that cutting your face would be a bitch, scars heal, but having that shit on your face would be a real bum deal, and youd have that shit to worry about for a long time.
leastways on your wrist you can hide it.
i aint encouraging you or nuthin, some people get there kicks from peircings or tattoos, which is a little more sociably acceptable.
just cos you aint lived as long as your dad, dont mean that your life is any more or any less intense. ill tell you what young lady, your dad sounds pretty sweet , bear with him babe, dad needs their girls, as much as girls need their dad.

good luck,
 
Last edited:
RedRoseBeauty

RedRoseBeauty

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
2,374
Location
A city in a country.
People react in many different ways when it comes to self harm.
My Dad would probably be the exact same as yours because he would be scared and upset that I was doing that to myself.
I think you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how much he has upset you.
 
Niniane

Niniane

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 27, 2010
Messages
449
Location
France
SH is kind of hard to understand. To hurt yourself on purpose isn't an easy thing to grasp for most people.

To answer your questions, I have the same problem with my mother. When she found out, she refused to understand and accused me of loving it (which is completely false). Now I think she knows, but she refuses to see or talk about it. It's a "taboo" at home. But I still hide it, and it forces me to cut on non-visible parts.

I can't say for sure why your father reacted that way, but as said, SH isn't easy to understand. Most people sees it as attention-seeking or that something else should work. It's a "strange" way to calm down, maybe he just can't figure out why you don't use another method to calm yourself.
As for what to do, talk with him about it if he is willing to, or give him some informations on the subject.

Good luck.
 
B

becky1989

Guest
We all deal with things different. Some are stronger then others and we deal with things on what makes us cope with it. I think parents reactions are more harsh. I remember when I felt so depressed and when I was on medication, my mum's reaction was why are you on medication. Get a grip and get stronger. I remember feeling even more low and feel deeper into depression. Sometimes people just don't know how to react. Not sure what advice to give but felt like giving a reply to let you know you aren't the first and not the last to get through that.
 
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