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He died and I'm lost

calypso

calypso

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Its 4.30 in the morning and I know I will feel fine tomorrow,but he died on the 23rd of December and I was strong for my son, but now I'm lost without him. Sounds silly, but I had the car serviced and all it left me feeling was he would have done that and told me off for spending so much.

I am struggling. My husband died on 23rd Dec 2012 but that is not so long - so late in 2012 makes it not that long ago.

I'm going to bed but not coping well.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I'm so sorry for your loss. What a tragic thing to have happened. I don't think it matters how many years go by. When you lose someone that close to you it must bring about so much unbearable pain. This time of year must be particularly difficult for you too.

I hope that you manage to get some sleep and that tomorrow seems a little brighter :hug1:
 
Lincoln1990

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Oh Cal! I'm so sorry. You know you can always PM me or I can give you my email address. I feel awful that you are going through this. It's a horrible thing isn't it?

I'm always here for you, as you've been there for me. I haven't lost a significant other but I have lost someone close to me. It's the worst thing ever.

Please get some sleep and PM me in the morning.
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

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im so sorry for your loss

sending many hugs your way x
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Sorry it's so hard calypso, it's understandable you're struggling, it's not so long at all, sending hugs and I hope sleep helps :hug:
 
M

Mastiff mom

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Calypso, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you will lean on the forum for support and that you are able to get some rest. Hugs to you.
 
katya

katya

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I'm so sorry for your loss, calypso. You did so well to be strong for your son, but it's also good to allow yourself to grieve. I hope you are among loved ones at the moment who can help you through this tough time. Thinking of you.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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There's no timescale on grief, Cal....... and sometimes it can two steps forward, one step back. Certain times of the year will bring things up again as well, I guess - christmases, new year, anniversaries, birthdays...... as well as all the little unexpected things that twang your heart and emotions and make you feel like shit again.
I don't think the 'recovery' (if that is even the right word) from a bereavement is ever a smooth upward curve. It's a bumpy road with ups and downs..... and maybe we never 'recover', its just about learning to live with the loss, and the pain lessens over time.
:hug:
 
calypso

calypso

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I rang the Samaritans in the end. They have a way of listening but getting you off the phone after a while. She was kind enough though. It did take the sting out of wanting to Self Harm badly. I was able to manage not to do that but it was difficult. When I self harm, I normally go for broke and don't mess around. But I just thought of sitting for hours in A&E and that put me off :eek:.

I think I still feel immense guilt that I couldn't stop him drinking and yes, I do know that is not rational. I know he had some responsibility, but after years and years of looking after him, I think I took over responsibility in my mind for everything.

I haven't gone on about this for over a year, so I won't go on now. I swore I wouldn't keep anniversaries, but I can't help it. Its not the date, its the little things he used to do that I have to do alone now.

Thank you all for you kind responses, it does mean something. xxxx
 
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