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Having troubles with family.

Diesel1988

Diesel1988

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Joined
Feb 6, 2015
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50
I try to give everything to my family, because they never had anyone to depend on. Our parents were never there and when they were my mom was drunk, and my dad was abusive. So I became mom.
My sister came by to borrow some smokes,and pop and I don't have a problem with that but she comes by very often, and my BF doesn't like it. i want to be there for my sisters and brothers, and am wondering how i should deal with this.
I told my BF that i would talk to her but I don't know how she'll take it. i try often to defend them, saying that they don't have anyone else to depend on, i care about them a lot.
Even though i isolate myself in my house, and do my best to reach out to them, I know its probably best to wean them off of my support. but I don't know how theyll react or if I do, will they need me, when they need me the most.
i have no idea what to do. I get so confused, when trying to figure out details in my life, and decisions that mean something to me.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Sounds like you are incredibly caring and protective of your siblings - which is a really lovely thing and a credit to you.

Can I just ask, if your boyfriend (presuming BF means boyfriend and not best friend) hadn't expressed that he doesn't like your siblings being there, would you still be wanting to create a bit of distance between you and them?

I'm hearing that you want to be there for them and that also, you are quite isolated yourself and so presumably your siblings visiting may actually be a positive thing.

Hmm.. in a roundabout way i'm trying to say that if the only reason you want to 'wean them off of you' is because your boyfriend disapproves of the situation, i'd stop and think about whether you feel it's ok for him to make you feel like you almost have to choose between him and them.

If however you think it would be better all around if they were more independent, you should have a conversation with your siblings and just be honest like you have here.
Tell them you know things have been rough and that you'll always be there for them, but you'd like to see them more independent.

It might also be worth considering having certain times that they're welcome and other times that they're not. So for instance, Sundays you could say they're welcome to see you any time. Or have a rule that you don't want to be visited after a certain time in the evening.

I can see that it is a bit of a dilemma and ultimately it's up to you to decide what you want to do. I hope you've found some of my suggestions helpful though. And good luck with it all.
 
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