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Having trouble letting go

Catharsis

Catharsis

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
20
Location
Ireland
I was dumped a few days into September and I'm still finding it hard. I've been trying hard to just work through the pain by keeping myself busy but I find the hardest time is when I'm in bed alone with my thoughts waiting to fall asleep and my mind will eventually drift to her.

There was a short period where I wasn't crying because I really have been trying, but at the same time I don't want to bottle too much up. It is so hard for me to accept that it's really over because I loved her so much and wanted her to be happy since she's had a hard life.

Just tonight I was crying when I thought about her, about all the things we'd been through and wondering how she could just end everything. She was so cold, so unlike when I met her. Still awake at 5am, I went for a walk to clear my head - this has happened probably four or five times in the past week or two after I've gone to bed.

I really thought we were the same, so many little things and other more significant things just seemed to fit that I couldn't believe it. I remember thinking in the beginning that it was almost too good to be true, I'd never been in such a situation.

She broke my heart, and I'll never be the same again.
 
C

chrissponias

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
18
Location
Athens, Greece
Your case is very common...

In order to forget her, think about her defects, and about all the things that you didn’t like in your relationship. Think also that you were wrong by imagining that she was the perfect woman for you. If she really loved you, she wouldn’t be so cruel, and abandon you this way.

Now you are suffering, but you’ll forget her with time. Think that it was better to have this experience now, than to stay with her longer, or even get married to her, to discover only then that she didn’t really love you…

You’ll find someone else, who will really love you, and admire you. Be patient, and don’t lose hope.
 
Sugar Coated Owl

Sugar Coated Owl

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2009
Messages
203
Location
Surrey
The breakdown of relationships is always an upsetting experience. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you only broke up in September so it isn't that long ago. Give yourself time to come to terms with it and in time I promise you it will get easier.

Keeping yourself occupied is definitely the best thing to do to keep your mind off the situation.

I think nighttime is difficult for many of us as it's when we find ourselves alone with our thoughts. Perhaps it would be a good idea to make sure you're really sleepy before you get into bed otherwise you are just going to lie there and your thoughts will turn to her. Have you tried reading? I find that reading helps and tends to make me feel tired and then when I get into bed I can fall asleep pretty quickly.

Be kind to yourself.
 
Neferakhet

Neferakhet

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
86
Location
Beyond the Styx
I was dumped a few days into September and I'm still finding it hard. I've been trying hard to just work through the pain by keeping myself busy but I find the hardest time is when I'm in bed alone with my thoughts waiting to fall asleep and my mind will eventually drift to her.

There was a short period where I wasn't crying because I really have been trying, but at the same time I don't want to bottle too much up. It is so hard for me to accept that it's really over because I loved her so much and wanted her to be happy since she's had a hard life.

Just tonight I was crying when I thought about her, about all the things we'd been through and wondering how she could just end everything. She was so cold, so unlike when I met her. Still awake at 5am, I went for a walk to clear my head - this has happened probably four or five times in the past week or two after I've gone to bed.

I really thought we were the same, so many little things and other more significant things just seemed to fit that I couldn't believe it. I remember thinking in the beginning that it was almost too good to be true, I'd never been in such a situation.

She broke my heart, and I'll never be the same again.

Truly sorry to hear about that.This is a tough case indeed.There are two main issues here which will help your situation:

1- Time:

As cliche as it may sound.But speaking from personal experience and the experience of others whom I leeched from,it will help a great deal shrouding the memories with her.It may take long and it's real hard to predict how long it will take,it may take real long but the main point is eventually she'll be a distant memory.

2- Acceptance:

Now this is pretty hard if you are an obsessive type of person.(for instance I am).However if somehow you manage to fully accept with mind and soul that she's gone forever and there is nothing you can do about it.This will help a great deal preventing to be haunted by tender memories of her during your daily life.

Remember that there is nothing you can do about it..because this thing is bigger than you,it's related to the very mechanics and fabrics of Life itself.This is how things work-as intended.. Meeting someone great,seeming like a perfect match,too good to be true and when it ends,hurts like hell..


Just hang in there

Oh and here is one last thing which you may find useful:

http://www.topdatingtips.com/getting-dumped.htm
 
Last edited:
Catharsis

Catharsis

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
20
Location
Ireland
Thanks for the kind words, and thank you Neferakhet for the link as I just read it.

There is a lot more to this situation that makes the whole thing all the more difficult to cope with, but maybe I will explain that later. Needless to say, it still hurts like hell and it will for a long time although I am trying to get past this however possible.
 
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