having to grovel

Z

Zoe1

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someone mentioned this and it struck a chord
I feel I have to grovel when I have a benefit review
like I'm stripped of my defensese

having to talk about the most painful parts of myself
and be super humble about it

I have to grovel to my family for emotinal and financial help
and for love , or to be able to see my little niece and nephew

and in return I have to visit my addict brother on my own
and be verbally abused by him

recently I rebelled a bit against these humiliating circumstances
but now I'm broken and starting to cave in again

:grouphug:
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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having to talk about the most painful parts of myself
and be super humble about it
I have to grovel to my family for emotinal and financial help
and for love , or to be able to see my little niece and nephew
and in return I have to visit my addict brother on my own
and be verbally abused by him
I'm sorry it's so hard for you. I do wish you could find someone to go with you just for moral support when you visit your brother. You shouldn't have to take his abuse.
 
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Zoe1

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thankyou, well sometimes people come with me
there is also the phone calls, when I'm on my own
nobody is with me, and ive partly invited him to phone
because I do love him
and its a bit like having an abusive boyfriend

I recover after some weeks or months
and then contact him again

only this is my brother so I cant dump him !

:love:
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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only this is my brother so I cant dump him !:love:
True. If he gets really bad though, you might want to put your foot down and say no more verbal abuse. I have gone low contact with certain family members, and it has made me feel so much better. It helps with anxiety, depression, you name it.
 
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Zoe1

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gone low contact
what a brilliant way to put it !

yes maybe its not an either / or thing
I can choose the degree to which I want to contact him

if I'm in my right mind that is
you know how it is when you're not well
you do all kinds of crazy things
like contacting your addict brother ...

:love:
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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yes maybe its not an either / or thing
I can choose the degree to which I want to contact him
Exactly. You can choose, just as one example, not to pick up the phone every time he calls. Call him back when you are calm and ready to talk. Visit him when you are feeling stronger and when the time is right for you.

It's all about setting boundaries -- something I admit I am still learning.
 
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Zoe1

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thankyou . setting boundaries ...
ive been in the 12 step fellowships for 20 years
trying to learn how to do that !

and still I look at the word boundaries and I think what ?!
something I feel I'm not entitled to

my brother is very good at busting through them , you know
he is very manipulative and persistent

still , maybe I can put the phone down
if he gets nasty

this is really helpful thanks !

:love:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Everyone's favouritest Zoe you shouldnt have to put up with being treated badly, YOU should get to call the shots :grouphug:

We all loves Zoe :love:
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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I feel I have to grovel for my benefits too
6 months before every renewal I become unwell as I am so nervous
lots of love and hugs to you
im sorry you have been treated badly x we all love you here
Lu xxx
 
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Zoe1

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thankyou midnight wow !
me call the shots ? I have never thought about it like that !

:love:
 
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Zoe1

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thankyou Fairy

yes it makes me unwell too
because I have to focus on all the unwell things about me !

:love:
 
Z

Zoe1

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awwww nooo I want to hear what Midnight wants and all !

:hug5:
 
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