S
SicklyBloom
Well-known member
Okay, I need serious help right now. Lately, I've been dealing with irritability and restlessness. My mood has been between anger and depression, but most importantly, I have been exhibiting signs of personal amnesia? Like, I have a hard time remembering basic parts of myself and losing interest in what I'd usually enjoy. It feels like I'm having a falling out with myself and therefore have a difficult time grasping reality. I get distracted, dizzy, and tired all at the same time which in return messes with my behavior. I know it seems really crummy, especially when you're not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but I probably come off as rude or aloof to others. Now, about the amnesia, I honestly can't comprehend it. I'm this person and I'm expected to be this person for the rest of my life, but I can't come to terms with it. Some days, I'm nostalgic and can remember series of events and can say in confidence that it's me. Then again, for weeks or months at a time, I'll go through a phase of blankness and not remember an event or find my past unrecognizable. I shift through a lot moments and can seem to reconcile them and then feel a sense of denial. Sometimes, I go through weeks of absent mindedness and feeling like a spector rather than a person. I'm nowhere but I'm here, they're my friends but they're not, stuff like that. Each day, there's a sense of denial and interrogation, as if I should feel awful for not having an idea of what I want in life. It plagues me a lot and then I finally have a thought, am I splitting more than usual? I know that BPD has a side effect which I've experienced before but this is different? Am I dissociating because I'm dealing with anxiety and worry so I subconsciously wiping away whatevers pestering me?
I need validation because I've felt this before and have dismissed to it sounding complex and wacky. Thanks for reading, I've had never but positive feedback on here and I appreciate it. Have a wonderful night or day, depending on where you are.
I need validation because I've felt this before and have dismissed to it sounding complex and wacky. Thanks for reading, I've had never but positive feedback on here and I appreciate it. Have a wonderful night or day, depending on where you are.