Having personality amnesia (is this a real phenomena?)

[SicklyBloom]

Okay, I need serious help right now. Lately, I've been dealing with irritability and restlessness. My mood has been between anger and depression, but most importantly, I have been exhibiting signs of personal amnesia? Like, I have a hard time remembering basic parts of myself and losing interest in what I'd usually enjoy. It feels like I'm having a falling out with myself and therefore have a difficult time grasping reality. I get distracted, dizzy, and tired all at the same time which in return messes with my behavior. I know it seems really crummy, especially when you're not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but I probably come off as rude or aloof to others. Now, about the amnesia, I honestly can't comprehend it. I'm this person and I'm expected to be this person for the rest of my life, but I can't come to terms with it. Some days, I'm nostalgic and can remember series of events and can say in confidence that it's me. Then again, for weeks or months at a time, I'll go through a phase of blankness and not remember an event or find my past unrecognizable. I shift through a lot moments and can seem to reconcile them and then feel a sense of denial. Sometimes, I go through weeks of absent mindedness and feeling like a spector rather than a person. I'm nowhere but I'm here, they're my friends but they're not, stuff like that. Each day, there's a sense of denial and interrogation, as if I should feel awful for not having an idea of what I want in life. It plagues me a lot and then I finally have a thought, am I splitting more than usual? I know that BPD has a side effect which I've experienced before but this is different? Am I dissociating because I'm dealing with anxiety and worry so I subconsciously wiping away whatevers pestering me?

I need validation because I've felt this before and have dismissed to it sounding complex and wacky. Thanks for reading, I've had never but positive feedback on here and I appreciate it. Have a wonderful night or day, depending on where you are.

 

[Koi1971]

The healthiest thing to do is what you are doing (for me), writing, getting out there crap, making it real, I'm mostly quiet, don't let much out, but I find that writing here helps a lot. Thank you for sharing, it shadows what I feel a lot of the time, the wondering if I'm losing myself or if I'm living in a made up world. The other end of this confusion for me is that these are just feelings and thoughts, some days are very hard, but with mindfulness and just seeing what's right in front of me I tend to pull out of it fairly quickly. Don't despair, things do get better. Have a great night.