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Having lots of long term issues, Someone please take me seriously!!! (Long post)

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Space Monkey

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2015
Messages
2
Location
UK
Having lots of long term issues, Someone please take me seriously!!! (Long post)

Hello people!
This is my first time on a website like this and i just wanted to tell you a little bit about myself and my current problems. I want to get them 'off my chest' and just try to speak to someone who understands.


About me:
Age: 23
Sex: Female
Medical Problems:
Anxiety
Insomnia
Triple Vision
Seizures
Asthma


Basics:
I'm in a happy relationship and have been for the last years, with the softest loyal guy you'd ever know.
I'm not depressed, or suicidal in the slightest.
No history of bad relationships (friends or family)
No physical/sexual/ emotional abuse (giving or receiving)
No substance abuse
I have been to therapy before for a shot period of time but the person i saw wasn't very good and nothing happened.


My father left home when i was 5 (few days after my birthday in fact) I saw him 1-2 times a week, but i never felt i got 'attention' from him. I use to self harm at a young age as this is the only way i felt he cared.

I have been to doctors none stop the majority of my life due to my triple vision / seizures being caused by some unknown brain disorder.
I have mentioned how i feel (all the stuff below) and just got shrugged off many times, they don't take me seriously. One GP printed me off a sheet about not sleeping and told me it was MY FAULT i have these issues, Way to make someone feel better.


> Lack of Concentration
I've had this for as long as i can remember, It was really difficult in school. I listen but don't hear, I hear what people are saying and blindly reply ''Yeah..... yup.... sure'' but i haven't a clue what they've said. Also because of this i can't read, I can't follow lines ina book, i get frustrated and just give up.

> Bad memory
I think this comes hand in hand with my lack of concentration. I struggle to remember basic things (like to brush my teeth, feed pets, eat, drink, taking medication, appointments)

> Not wanting relationships.
I can very easily talk to people and make friends, I'm chatty and confident, but after that i can't be bothered, I lose interest very easily. Same goes with my family. I've always got on with them, been very close, but i had the scary realization the other day ''If i never spoke to them again it wouldn't affect me'' and as i said i don't mean it in a horrible way, I love my family.
I have a boyfriend who is fantastic i've been with him for 9 years since Highschool (Luckly before all this started which i think is why we've 'survived' this)

> Obsessive Behavior + Lack of interest
I find it very difficult to do anything, and i mean that quite literally. Getting a shower, Going food shopping, Cleaning, getting out of bed. These are not just things i don't like doing, it's literally torture, like it's the end of the world.
This comes hand in hand with my obsessive behavior. Once i decide i want to do something, i go overboard. Throw myself head first into what ever it is, and everything i do or think is affected by this. Until one day i lose interest and drop it as quick. Sadly this causes me to have impulsive buying / spending as well.

> Not sleeping
I've had sleeping issues for years but never this bad. I don't lie awake at night worrying or thinking about things as such, It literally feels like my brain is going at a million miles an hour and i can't switch it off. I get tired but not sleepy... I get about 3-4 hours sleep every 2-3 days.

> Anxiety +Stress
Favim.com-37083.jpg

This is me 100%. I can't be a passenger without freaking out and thinking we are going to crash and die? What if we go on holiday and the plane crashes? What if we walk outside late and we get attacked? what would i do?
I NEVER worry about myself, I don't care if i get hurt, or if i die, it's people i love. I feel as if i should be there to protect them.

I automatically assume the worst in everyone and everything and i stress out over every little thing possibly imaginable.
Someone can tell me they don't want/need me to do something i was meant to be and i auto assume it's because they think i'm sh*t at it or I've done something wrong.

I have a lot of health issues and because of this my boyfriend had to quit his work to care for me. Prior to him quitting my Anxiety was through the roof.
''What if he is in a car crash on his way to work? I haven't spent much time with him today, and he could die tomorrow. I'd feel so bad, what would i do?'' Thought process i had EVERY night if he was working the next day, and i spend half the night crying.




Thank you so much for reading, I feel better just for writing this! :D
 
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Lily23

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2014
Messages
13
I do get the feelings your having and about the lack of attention your father gave you. It seems to me you are depressed, I'm not to sure about the anxiety. Have been properly diagnosed with anxiety? You can have worrying and anxious thoughts as a symptom of depression and it would also explain the sleep. The self harm is usually away to get a release but you did it to get attention from your dad which is extreme but you were only kid and kids tend to crave attention so in an unusual way that was kind of normal. I find it hard to pin point why you are depressed but seizures can cause depressed feelings and insomnia, so can any imbalance of brain chemicals. Though i am going to talk about the reality of things. Your boyfriend isn't the one that can fix you and i feel from what you have wrote is that you seem to want the attention a little bit. With your family it is just how you are feeling, you did say that you loved them and although you think you wouldn't miss them, you would. That is just numbness from depression I'm not critical at all and im certainly not judging but you must be on some medication for your seizures and you need to take care of yourself. I personally suffer from severe anxiety and barely leave my house but i am forced to look after myself and i am soon getting my own place, im going to start a short course soon and right now with my free time i have been building up my skills at home. This has give me a bit of motivation and brought me a bit further out of depression. These are things i am doing because i know i have to snap out of it and i KNOW how hard that this especially with no motivation but you clearly want to get better so try and build your self up, learn how to control your emotions, if you find yourself worrying try and do a large sum in your head, learn breathing exercises etc. Good luck
 
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S

Space Monkey

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2015
Messages
2
Location
UK
Hey and thanks everyone for your replies.
I FORGOT TO ADD: I'm 100% going to push my GP to take it a little more seriously.
I've been seen my many Neurologists all they found was abnormal none epileptic discharge on the left side of my brain, and i had unknown patches on my brain, All with no concrete explanation.

Reply to Nikta:
''I think it must be putting strain on your relationship with your boyfriend the fact that he has given up work to look after you.'' You'd think so, i'm also really surprised about how little it's affected us, It was hard at first because i was really depressed about it, as i'd just got accepted into my dream job i'd worked towards since i was 15 and ended up having to back out but now everything is great. His mother suffered from sever anxiety and depression all her life so he is extremely understanding and helpful.
Thanks a lot for the link i will be sure to check it out!


To reply to some things Lilly said:

1. Yes i was diagnosed with Anxiety / Separation Anxiety and had counseling for it.
2. ''hard to pin point why you are depressed'' I've been slowly loosing my eyesight (after having a 20/20 vision) with no explanation or reason for the last 5 years, progressively getting worse. In the past 6 months it's slowed down.
3. ''It seems to me you are depressed'' i definitely was for a long time but since i've started to control my anxiety a bit better with medication and my eye sight deterioration seems to have stopped some what, i'm in the best state of mind I've been in a while. At the moment i'm more confused than anything and curious of my symptoms, oppose to upset or angry about them
4. ''Your boyfriend isn't the one that can fix you and i feel from what you have wrote is that you seem to want the attention a little bit'' Not at all, even in the slightest. I don't expect or assume he will fix my issues and i do not enjoy the attention i really hate it. People ask me what i do for a living (i cannot work due to my illnesses) and i lie and say i have a job to avoid the attention. He just knows me well an his mother suffered very badly with anxiety and depression so he understands me.
5. ''but you were only kid and kids tend to crave attention so in an unusual way that was kind of normal'' Yeah i understand that all kids want attention, this was on going from the age of about 9 till i was 17, and ended up causing myself to have an operation. Only reason it stopped is i realized that he wasn't 'worth it' (I get on great with my Dad and speak to him all the time, we never had a broken relationship i just never saw him unless i was sick/hurt)

Thanks a lot for everyone's replies and making me feel welcome! <3
 
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Lily23

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2014
Messages
13
I'm sorry to hear about you eye sight but atleast its okay right now. i'll take what back what i said about the attention (hope that didn't offend). Just felt i needed to apologise about that.
 
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