Having a very hard time

A

ashleyadamwatts

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May 23, 2016
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#1
:cry2: Hello Ive had dissociation for about three years now. Im terrified that its only going to get worse and worse to the point where Im completely unaware of my surroundings. Its slowly gotten worse as the days go by. I feel like im not in reality. Almost like if my life is going on without me but still being a part of it. I'm zoning out alot I feel like nothing is real anymore. I cant drive anymore because I get tunnel vision and zone out while driving. It seems to get better when im in the house with only the sunlight coming through the windows(no bright lights) but when I go outside during the day it gets so much worse. I have absoutely no friends because its made me have terrible social anxiety to the point where I cant talk without forgetting what words to use in the coversation and feeling like I just dont know what to say to anyone. I have a hard time even being around my family because I feel like everything I say sounds stupid and they're judging me because I just dont know how to talk to them. Ive been living with my husband and my son and dont get out unless its going to the store or doctors appointments so being around someone, unless its my husband and son, its just very awkward and terrible being around people. I dont see my parents much anymore so i get like this around them also. My memory is also terrible. I can hardly remember anything from my past, including people. I am also having a hard time making memories. I have epilepsy so this on top of epilepsy is making my life miserable. I feel like im slowly loosing my self. I dont know what to do because I have no support. my mother and sadly my husband also just tell me its in my head and im being a hypochondriac. I tell them these things and they just brush it off not knowing how terrified i am because they dont believe me. Its terrible. I feel like no one gives a crud about my well-being. I need advice as to how to cope with it and if there is any possibility that I can go back to my normal life without these symptoms. Thank you for reading this :)
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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#2
Hi and welcome to the forum :welcome:
Hopefully some members will come along soon and offer some advice
Im just here saying hello!
Hugs
Fox
 
Acadia

Acadia

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#3
:cry2: Hello Ive had dissociation for about three years now. Im terrified that its only going to get worse and worse to the point where Im completely unaware of my surroundings. Its slowly gotten worse as the days go by. I feel like im not in reality. Almost like if my life is going on without me but still being a part of it. I'm zoning out alot I feel like nothing is real anymore. I cant drive anymore because I get tunnel vision and zone out while driving. It seems to get better when im in the house with only the sunlight coming through the windows(no bright lights) but when I go outside during the day it gets so much worse. I have absoutely no friends because its made me have terrible social anxiety to the point where I cant talk without forgetting what words to use in the coversation and feeling like I just dont know what to say to anyone. I have a hard time even being around my family because I feel like everything I say sounds stupid and they're judging me because I just dont know how to talk to them. Ive been living with my husband and my son and dont get out unless its going to the store or doctors appointments so being around someone, unless its my husband and son, its just very awkward and terrible being around people. I dont see my parents much anymore so i get like this around them also. My memory is also terrible. I can hardly remember anything from my past, including people. I am also having a hard time making memories. I have epilepsy so this on top of epilepsy is making my life miserable. I feel like im slowly loosing my self. I dont know what to do because I have no support. my mother and sadly my husband also just tell me its in my head and im being a hypochondriac. I tell them these things and they just brush it off not knowing how terrified i am because they dont believe me. Its terrible. I feel like no one gives a crud about my well-being. I need advice as to how to cope with it and if there is any possibility that I can go back to my normal life without these symptoms. Thank you for reading this :)
Hi Ashley, and welcome to the forum. :)

I too have dealt with disassociation. It terrified me, so I know how you feel. It really is so hard to explain to people what it's like. For me it was like all of my memories were just a list of facts in my head, I didn't feel attached to them anymore. My disassociation began after I started having panic attacks in the middle of the night. Even once the panic attack ended, I still felt odd and detached. During the worst times I also felt as though I couldn't really "feel" anything or have much emotion, other than sadness and crying. I was so scared, and I thought I might never feel connected again. Thankfully I found a really good counselor who understood what I was talking about. She assured me that this experience can be common with anxiety.

I just want to say that there is hope. There are people out there who know what you are going through and can help. Perhaps you could find a counselor and your husband could sit down and talk with them also, if you're okay with that. Sometimes it helps family and friends to hear about these realities from someone who isn't in the middle of it all so to speak.

In any case, you can get your life back. It is a journey that isn't the same for everyone. One thing I did need to learn to accept was that my anxiety disorder has changed me and that's okay. Of course I'm not going to be the exact same person, life changes all of us, but this does not have to define you. :)

Wishing you all the best.
 
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ashleyadamwatts

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#5
Thank you so much for your reply :) thank you for your advice I will try a counselor I'm happy that you've gotten better I will take your advice thank you! :)
 
Acadia

Acadia

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#6
Thank you so much for your reply :) thank you for your advice I will try a counselor I'm happy that you've gotten better I will take your advice thank you! :)
You're very welcome. :) I hope you find healing and encouragement in your life.
 
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