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Having a relationship

Snowfairy

Snowfairy

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Uk
Obviously I won't go into detail but I went through trauma years ago
It still messes with me and I haven't had any form of a romantic relationship since, I'm 22 and I don't want to be alone forever, but I'm also so untrusting of men, , getting close to them, everything
So I guess my question is, have any of you overcome this fear or am I stuck?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
5,793
Location
Nowhere
hi Snowfairy :welcome: ✨

yes I have had a few traumatic relationships actually
as well as other traumas
and Im not sure how far I have come in my recovery from them
im staying out of them at the moment
apart from some online stuff
and writing poetry and songs about I

ive come to a point where it isn't the most important things in life
I'm looking at my friendships and see how I can improve those
meeting new people

and finding out what I'm passionate in life
also an opportunity to say what do I really want
why is a relationship important ?
what do I hope to get out of it

:hug5::loveshower:✨
 
S

SunnyDaze

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,469
Location
Somewhere out there
Obviously I won't go into detail but I went through trauma years ago
It still messes with me and I haven't had any form of a romantic relationship since, I'm 22 and I don't want to be alone forever, but I'm also so untrusting of men, , getting close to them, everything
So I guess my question is, have any of you overcome this fear or am I stuck?
I'm married but still have issues from my traumas(I have PTSD and assuming you do too?).Have you considered seeking professional help ?That's what I suggest if you haven't.
 
EyeCU2

EyeCU2

Active member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
38
Location
Oakland, CA
My first marriage was to a physically abusive alcoholic. Because I did not deal with the emotions I had stuffed away and thought were gone, I ended up marrying a sociopath. So now I've been in intensive therapy for almost 3 years, and still have a long way to go. For me, the mental abuse haunts me far worse than the physical abuse. I sometimes think I'd like to try dating, but I don't. There is no way I could deal with being completely lied to ever again. I wasted almost 20 years with a man who wasn't who I thought he was at all. I have grown to like being on my own. I know I won't let myself totally trust a man again, and I've accepted that. It's my life now, and I'll keep it to myself thank you.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
543
Location
On The Train
I have PTSD also.

Trigger warning!


My father molested me. He was evil. I felt that if that was a relationship with a guy was I didn't want any of it. He died. I grew into a mousy, timid teen. Then I was sexually assaulted by a guy at a party! in a group of people! no one helped! then I was shut off from men for many years until I met my first husband. I was so terrified of people and especially men that I never talked to anyone and was afraid when they would talk to me. My first husband (ugh) was an abusive guy and was so in love with me, I kept thinking, I never say anything! Why does he like me? I said I would not sleep with him unless we got married. Then when he asked me to marry him, I agreed. He was abusive from the wedding night (I was scared to consummate marriage because of my past experience and explained this to him but he didn't care and said he was not going to go his wedding night not getting "some" and raped me) until the end of our marriage 1 year later. Then I met another creep, I was so lonely and depressed, he pushed me into marriage with him and I agreed. He was horrible and abusive, the worst I think, he was a full blown complex narcissist. He also raped me. I escaped him to a homeless shelter and felt that I could never find anyone. I felt that I was damaged forever. I felt that I would be alone forever, and what good was life really if you didn't have love?

However .... :)
I met a wonderful, wonderful man. He thinks those men are evil, he loves women, has good, loving, caring relationships. It showed me a different world. People who care about others! Men who want an equal relationship! Men who do not think that women exist to serve them! Wow! It's an amazingly different world than I thought it was. I am glad I did not off myself because I met the love of my life and I *know* he loves me too! If you had asked me anytime before this last year, I would have been cynical and pessimistic. But now I KNOW good men exist and I have one :)
 
Snowfairy

Snowfairy

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Uk
I have PTSD also.

Trigger warning!


My father molested me. He was evil. I felt that if that was a relationship with a guy was I didn't want any of it. He died. I grew into a mousy, timid teen. Then I was sexually assaulted by a guy at a party! in a group of people! no one helped! then I was shut off from men for many years until I met my first husband. I was so terrified of people and especially men that I never talked to anyone and was afraid when they would talk to me. My first husband (ugh) was an abusive guy and was so in love with me, I kept thinking, I never say anything! Why does he like me? I said I would not sleep with him unless we got married. Then when he asked me to marry him, I agreed. He was abusive from the wedding night (I was scared to consummate marriage because of my past experience and explained this to him but he didn't care and said he was not going to go his wedding night not getting "some" and raped me) until the end of our marriage 1 year later. Then I met another creep, I was so lonely and depressed, he pushed me into marriage with him and I agreed. He was horrible and abusive, the worst I think, he was a full blown complex narcissist. He also raped me. I escaped him to a homeless shelter and felt that I could never find anyone. I felt that I was damaged forever. I felt that I would be alone forever, and what good was life really if you didn't have love?

However .... :)
I met a wonderful, wonderful man. He thinks those men are evil, he loves women, has good, loving, caring relationships. It showed me a different world. People who care about others! Men who want an equal relationship! Men who do not think that women exist to serve them! Wow! It's an amazingly different world than I thought it was. I am glad I did not off myself because I met the love of my life and I *know* he loves me too! If you had asked me anytime before this last year, I would have been cynical and pessimistic. But now I KNOW good men exist and I have one :)
Thank you for this reply
I'm so sorry all this happened to you although I know saying that doesn't help I really am.
I'm thankful for all these replies but yours sparked a bit of hope in me, I'm in no rush I'm only 22 I just want some hope, I don't want to give up on love or men just yet I feel far to young
I hope you're doing well
 
T

thisisnotmylife

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
120
Location
UK
im still traumatised from something that happened to me when I was 21. I was ridiculed and abandoned by a group of people who I thought were friends when I was in NYC on my own. I ended up on the streets in New York. I am from the UK.
Its complex and I never got over it. It has affected every relationship I have ever had since. The latest of which I fucked up because of my traumatised past I dumped my boyfriend and I had another psychotic episode. I am still traumatised by this as it lead to me never returning home to live and its affected my life in every way. My ex is none the wiser as he gave up on me when I dumped him. I thought he was devious in his intentions and was playing me for sex. I may have been wrong but it hurts to know my lifelong trauma has effected my life so intensely and that it has got me into the mess im currently living in every day. I have had a breakdown and been hospitalised everytime I have had a breakup.
 
Snowfairy

Snowfairy

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Uk
Thank you for your replies everyone my tryst issues are something I'm definitely going to have to work on, I assume every man is the same and is going to use me, hurt me ect every time I find myself attracted to someone I feel guilty, like I'm being stupid thinking anyone would like me and not hurt me then I end up blaming myself for what happened and thinking I'm going to let it happen again
 
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