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Having a really bad time right now

B

BlueDev

Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2018
Messages
19
My dad's got cancer and I'm pretty much his full-time caregiver now because my mom works and my niece starts college classes next week and she had some stuff going on with her boyfriend last week. I have family down the street too but they either got work or they're too young to help.

I have no jobs, no school and I can't find a volunteer job that I know I'd enjoy. Actually, I found one and filled out an application for volunteer work at a cat rescue group last week and still haven't heard back from them. I'm beginning to think they're ignoring me and I should probably move on and find something else. I go and visit volunteermatch.org to try and find something but so many opportunities I find, they want a full commitment or they have very high expectations that they might as well pay you! I keep trying and I still haven't found anything.

I want to get out of the house a lot but I have no friends and it's lonely to do everything by yourself. I feel like I can't because everyone else is busy and I have to take care of my dad. He refuses to hire a nurse or an aid to come get his meals and whatever help he needs. I don't know how long this will last. He has pancreatic neuroendocrine cancer, which is the type of cancer that grows very slowly. I could end up taking care of him for the next 10 years, putting everything on hold!

I'm so mad at myself because I'm pushing 40 and haven't really done anything meaningful in my life. I'm a procrastinator and there's many things I should've done long time ago but didn't and now I feel like I don't have time because my mom (his own wife!) won't cut back on her work. She should be here taking care of him, not me. I didn't choose him. I didn't choose to take care of him. I'm the only one who takes care of him because I don't work or go to school. Of course my family must think I'm a loser. I feel like a complete loser because I can't find anything I like and when I do, it doesn't work out.

I'm a gay woman and I would love to have a relationship and a future with someone but I have no idea when that's going to happen and I'm not getting any younger! So I've joined meetup.com to try and meet new people. Even doing that is difficult because the events taking place is later at night. Who goes to a potluck or bowling at 9:00 at night?? I have public transportation because I don't drive and even I'm not comfortable with that at night time and it feels like whenever I find something interesting to do, it's scheduled at night and they want to do stuff at 9pm or 10pm. Seriously? I don't use public transportation past 6pm because it kinda sucks in the area and there might be problems getting home in the evening.

I have been to a couple of gay events and just failed to find someone I like. I went to a film festival and only 7 people showed up and also went to a brunch that I found out about at meetup.com. What they failed to mention is that these women are in their 70s and I'm 38! So I feel like I'm not meant to be dating anyone. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't find someone I can be in a relationship. Even we had gay related events earlier this summer that I could've attended but didn't because my dad went through a bad time for a couple of weeks and I thought he had very little time.

I still live with my parents (yeah, lame, right? 38 years old and still live with them! Like I said, I'm a procrastinator). I'd like to live with someone but I hardly have friends because of these problems. I'm trying to meet people but meetup.com isn't working as well as I hoped and neither is volunteering. I have physical challenges so there aren't many things I can do while volunteering and like I said before, with their expectations, they might as well pay you.

I've been going through a time like this since February and I don't see an end to this at all. I don't know how to get out of this funk. When my dad got worst in February, it just made me think about life and a lot of things, things I should've been doing but didn't because I was procrastinating and now I picked an awful time during my dad's sickness to want to move on to a new chapter in my life whether it's dating, living away from parents or figuring out what I want to do for a job. I don't know how much longer I have to wait to figure this out while my dad's been sick. We don't even have a prognosis. I know I should be spending and enjoying time with him but it has been extremely difficult and more unpleasant than pleasant. His mealtimes are the worst! He's very picky about how he wants his meals fixed and I'm not a fricking machine! I get tired trying to get what he needs fixing his meals and trying to care for myself without any help because my dad refuses to let us hire a nurse and my mom is acting more like a workaholic than a wife and like her job is more important than her husband.

I feel like a total failure and a loser and I don't know how much longer I have to put up with this. I regret not trying to meet others as I'm such an introvert and I was more comfortable not meeting people but it only took me until recently to realize that we need other people in our lives, besides families. I feel like I'm not meant to be happy. I keep trying to make a change in my life, looking for a job or volunteer work, someone special in my life and I've already finished college. I actually have an Associate Degree in Science, majoring in Social Science but now I'm not interested in that area anymore. It's like I need to change careers but how does one get a job if it's completely different than what you majored in?

I just feel completely trapped. I don't have the freedom anymore to do what I want because I didn't do them years ago when my dad was healthier and when I was younger, all those things I've realized didn't seem that important to me but now it is.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
10,266
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
BlueDev I am so sorry about your dad :hug:

Apart from you and your mum, is there anyone else in your family who can help you with the responsibility of your dad? it should not all fall on your shoulders like that :hug:

Maybe, if you can, call in at the rescue to talk face to face with them about volunteering and explain you already handed in the form but heard nothing back? :hug:

Can you do a distance learning course to get another qualification in what you want to do, to help you find work? :hug:

And the dating thing, is there anyone who can give you a lift to places to meet new people? :hug:
 
B

BlueDev

Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2018
Messages
19
Apart from you and your mum, is there anyone else in your family who can help you with the responsibility of your dad? it should not all fall on your shoulders like that :hug:
They all work or are too young (kids) or they're starting college next week. I have relatives from out of state so that's not helpful either.

And the dating thing, is there anyone who can give you a lift to places to meet new people? :hug:
I can get myself to places during the day to meet people but it's the night time that's the problem and everyone is busy with their kids or with my dad.

I'll contact the cat rescue place and see if they even got my email. I was thinking of doing a learning course but worried I wouldn't have time. I could do it online but that means staying home with my dad and taking care of him. I didn't even think about doing it online.
 
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