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Having a hard week

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theunluckiestme

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
7
Location
United States
I've been having a really hard time lately and I feel so mixed up and confused. My head just isn't right and everyone thinks its a joke.

I have moments where I'm fine but I can feel myself slipping in an out of different states of being/awareness and I'm losing chunks of my memories. Today I've just stayed in my room cuz I honestly keep forgetting where I am so I don't really trust myself going out and doing anything productive.

A few days ago peoples faces started to warp into different people and just. idk, it really messed me up. But every time I bring it up to my family they just laugh it off like its some silly thing. Its actually pretty terrifying cuz it makes me question my entire reality. Like.. are the people I know really the people I know them as? Or are they the people that they change into when I start getting like this?

Its not just the people who change though, where im at starts to look different too so I have to rely on my auto pilot to make it back home.

I'm trying to keep calm and destress because I do know that I'm just having an episode because I'm stressed out and have been forced to interact with family who is also having an episode (which they trigger me having similar episodes and we make each other really sick). But its been a few days and its not getting any better.

I have no idea what to do other than hide and try to wait it out.
 
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3henry

Active member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
33
Location
Unvierse
I kind of know know what you are experiencing. I've had similar problems in past. My family also doesn't take my mental health seriously. So I stopped talking about it in front of them. I talk to my therapist and my close friends and people on the internet, of course. Do you have a therapist? Do you take any medication? If you need someone to talk to, you can message me.
 
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theunluckiestme

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
7
Location
United States
I used to have a therapist I could text 24/7 and they were really awesome and helped me through some stuff but one day they kinda just gave up on me. Haven't found anyone new since then, it was really hard on me that they just abandoned me.

I used to take medication, but currently I'm not. I know medicine helps but it also makes me feel numb and I'll just lay down and give up. I just don't want to feel like that anymore, so I chose to stop taking it and to focus on learning how to ground myself and be able to give myself warnings before episodes happen so I can go to my room and relax.

Its hard when your family doesn't take you seriously.

They also laugh when I start stumbling cuz my vision goes upside down. My brother was nice enough to do research and explain why that happens but they don't really get how scary it is.

Thank you for saying I can talk to you if I need to talk <3 I appreciate that.
 
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3henry

Active member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
33
Location
Unvierse
It's hard to feel abandoned and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I'm tapering off medication for the last few weeks. It helped me with some symptoms but I gained a lot of weight and I slept 10-12 hours and couldn't do it anymore. So I'm kind of scared that it will all get bad again.

Have you sucseeded in grounding yourself and giving yourself warnings?

Anyone who hasn't gone through this can't exactly understand how scary and bad things can go, but it was good of your brother to try to understand.
My friend always says: "Help me to undestand you more." Helping them I kind of helped myself. You should try it with your family if they are open for it.
 
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theunluckiestme

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
7
Location
United States
Its alright, I guess she just ran out of things to help me with. I am still thankful for her.

Ahhh yeah, I had gained over 50 lbs on my meds and they made me sleep for forever tooo. I hate that they do that. I understand being afraid of that, but in my experience if you find other ways to manage it you can do decent (lots of therapy, group sessions, learning to destress, etc)

I am mostly successful with it, but my parents find ways to undo all my hard work as I progress and get healthier. I think they don't like to see me being able to take care of myself? But I can give myself about a 30 minute warning of, hey.. something isn't right? But I dont usually understand whats off until after its started getting bad, or I start recovering from my episode. But I'm decent at telling my best friend and she will tell me to go home or come get me if I can't handle life.

Hmmm that's true. I don't even understand it half the time, some of the stuff is just so bizarre. Sadly I don't think my family really cares. They aren't the best of people.
 
3

3henry

Active member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
33
Location
Unvierse
It's nice you have a friend who cares, that is very important. If your family doesn't care, you can just let it go. Maybe it sounds harsh but it's for the best. Believe me. Try to make a circle of people who you can trust and talk to and be around your family only if necessary. I did that and it felt like a mountain came off my back.
 
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theunluckiestme

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
7
Location
United States
yeah, I'm trying to work on that. Sadly I live with them, but I'm attempting to be a better adult so I can move out and just not be around them anymore. I do love my family, but they're toxic people.

I am proud of you for doing that! I'm sure it couldn't of been easy.
 
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Notaround713

Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Houston
I would say get back on the medicine and ask for something with less side effects. The symptoms you are having are strong. I had a tough week myself and fell back into psychosis, Wishing you best of luck and hope things get better.
 
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theunluckiestme

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
7
Location
United States
I understand why you'd say to go back on meds, and yes I probably should but currently that's not an option for me unfortunately. I'm sorry to hear you had a tough week as well.
 
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