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Having a hard time with acceptance - Any advice?



Well-known member
Jan 13, 2019
Hey everyone, so this is like a "Part Two" to the very first thread I posted regarding my boyfriend and best friend betraying me, so if anyone wants to read that one first to make sense of this then you're more than welcome. Just so we're all caught up :)

So after months of feeling really low, anxious and lonely, my boyfriend James and I decided to call it a day, at least for the time being. We both agreed that this was for the best and that maybe one day there would be a chance for us to make things work. He wants to go to an American festival at the end of August this year on his own (we live in the UK) and we've agreed that he's not in the right headspace for a relationship (he's experienced the death of his great nan recently who was like a mum to him so isn't in the best place emotionally) along with everything else that happened in our relationship. He feels in himself that going to this festival is going to help him with his own mental health and will help him figure out who he is and what is really important to him. In my own personal opinion, I don't think this will help him in the way he thinks it will, I see it as more of a distraction if anything? I could be wrong though.

Since we officially broke up about a week and a half ago, my mental health is at an all time low. While I understand that a lot of these feelings are normal after breaking off a 2 year relationship, sometimes I do genuinely feel like there's no point in being alive as I feel I've completely lost myself in the process. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore and I've felt more alone than ever. I work in an admin office, and as much as I love my job, it really isn't the best place for me at the moment as my mind runs a mile a minute while I'm just sitting at my desk all day every day. Unfortunately I can't take any time off as I won't get paid and I don't earn a whole lot as it is.

However, despite all this, James did contact me at the weekend by text. He said "Did you get anything through the door today? Sorry if it's too much". So naturally I was really confused and texted back saying "sorry not sure what you mean?". He quickly responded saying "Oh sorry, I had flowers and chocolates coming to your house today as I know it would have been our anniversary tomorrow, but I've just checked the date and I accidently got them for next saturday so you should receive them then. If it's too much I can cancel?". I told him he didn't have to cancel and that I was very surprised by the gesture. I also asked him if he ordered these flowers before/after the breakup and he said after.

So as you can probably imagine, the whole situation is rather confusing. Though we came to the conclusion that being apart is what's best right now, he still wants to send me gifts? Which I find lovely, but it makes me question his motives. Due to the whole situation (discussed in my previous thread) I'm not entirely sure how to read people anymore. There is a huge part of me that is still holding onto some hope but I fear that I'll get disappointed in the end. Accepting what has happened to us has been really difficult as I still find it hard to believe that my best friend would do such a thing (aka Dawn, again mentioned in part 1). I felt the constant need to check up on her social media accounts and still do, but unfortunately after visiting her house that day (note: the day her mother verbally abused me) she made her accounts private. I've realised that I may have a little obsession with wanting to be in control and being able to check things regularly, which I unfortunately cannot do now. One thing I know for sure is that James does still have her blocked and unfollowed on everything, which does make me feel better, but I still find the whole thing hard to deal with. (I really feel like a bit of a stalker sometimes which also gets me down).

I feel as though I need to have control over the situation when in reality I know that's not possible. In an ideal world, James would not end up with her, but I know I can't control that. And don't get me wrong, given everything I do know and all the evidence I do have on the matter, those two getting together seems very unlikely, near impossible I'd say. I know I would eventually have to accept whatever the outcome is, whether James moves on and meets someone else or when he goes to this festival, but I'm having a really hard time with it. Like I stated before I feel like I've lost myself and am unsure of the people around me, especially him.

So all in all, I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice for coping with loneliness, not being in control of everyday situations, trust and just overall acceptance? I know this is very wordy and if anyone is confused by anything I've said I'm more than happy to elaborate. As said before there is a previous thread where I explained the ins and outs of the situation with James and Dawn so hopefully reading that too will help :) Thank you so much for reading.