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Having a hard time coping with my life decisions

J

Jjpp

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Nov 7, 2019
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I feel like I wasted my 20's. The sadness and depression took over my life and now I'm 28 and I'm trying to figure out where my life went. I've done well for myself. I moved from people that didn't help me become better. I started over in a new state with my partner. I have a dog. I've done cool stuff I guess but i missed out on being happy. I let worry and sadness get the best of me and I forgot smiling and laughing. I didn't have fun. I was to busy being in hospitals and on anti depressants/ anti anxiety meds to realize my life was slipping away. Now I'm almost 30. I'm afraid I still won't be happy. I feel like I messed you my life. I also can't hold down a job. I can get one. I just can't hold it down. Keep it for more then a few months. I'm scared
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya. You are only 28 so life isn't over yet for you at all. That all encompassing sadness that dogs some of us is terrible to experience. What have you tried? I found a combination of the right meds and therapy helped me. It often takes time to find the right meds though and you shouldn't give up after trying just one type. I don't know if you have or have not of course.

The therapy I have tried (3 types) has helped me. I found techniques to cope with my thoughts was really useful. I found DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) was the most help. I had thought I would never shake it but it worked! Mindfulness was the cornerstone of it and that was the most helpful.

We have an article which is a brief intro to Mindfulness which might help you

 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi you are still really young and have chance to have a really good life still
things can change for the better I promise
love Lu xxxx
 
J

Jjpp

Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Nc
Hiya. You are only 28 so life isn't over yet for you at all. That all encompassing sadness that dogs some of us is terrible to experience. What have you tried? I found a combination of the right meds and therapy helped me. It often takes time to find the right meds though and you shouldn't give up after trying just one type. I don't know if you have or have not of course.

The therapy I have tried (3 types) has helped me. I found techniques to cope with my thoughts was really useful. I found DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) was the most help. I had thought I would never shake it but it worked! Mindfulness was the cornerstone of it and that was the most helpful.

We have an article which is a brief intro to Mindfulness which might help you

I really want to become more mindful. It just seems like where I live is not very mental health friendly. Not a lot of options for me right now. Plus, no insurance. I know how dangerous bpd can be. This is all I got right now. Thanks for the article. I'm gonna practice changing my thoughts around
 
StarryKnight33

StarryKnight33

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Joined
Nov 1, 2019
Messages
92
Location
Uk
I feel like I wasted my 20's. The sadness and depression took over my life and now I'm 28 and I'm trying to figure out where my life went. I've done well for myself. I moved from people that didn't help me become better. I started over in a new state with my partner. I have a dog. I've done cool stuff I guess but i missed out on being happy. I let worry and sadness get the best of me and I forgot smiling and laughing. I didn't have fun. I was to busy being in hospitals and on anti depressants/ anti anxiety meds to realize my life was slipping away. Now I'm almost 30. I'm afraid I still won't be happy. I feel like I messed you my life. I also can't hold down a job. I can get one. I just can't hold it down. Keep it for more then a few months. I'm scared
I can relate to this so much! Although my 20s were fun I didn't do anything with my life. It's my 30s that I've lost. I'm 39 now and not sure what happened! I lost myself in the monsters of anxiety and depression and possess no self confidence to actually get out into the world and do something with my life. I'm a stay at home mom which was a good excuse but my kiddos are 6 and 9 now and I can't even get a job. I didn't finish school so no qualifications. I just feel like a failure 🥺
 
J

Jjpp

Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Nc
I can relate to this so much! Although my 20s were fun I didn't do anything with my life. It's my 30s that I've lost. I'm 39 now and not sure what happened! I lost myself in the monsters of anxiety and depression and possess no self confidence to actually get out into the world and do something with my life. I'm a stay at home mom which was a good excuse but my kiddos are 6 and 9 now and I can't even get a job. I didn't finish school so no qualifications. I just feel like a failure 🥺
What I'm feeling is very similar to that. I'm sorry you are going through that. I didn't finish school either. Started for graphic design and then computer science. Dropped both. That thing you said about self confidence hit home. I have none most of the time and when I do I make myself feel bad for it. There's gotta be a way out of this.
 
StarryKnight33

StarryKnight33

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Joined
Nov 1, 2019
Messages
92
Location
Uk
What I'm feeling is very similar to that. I'm sorry you are going through that. I didn't finish school either. Started for graphic design and then computer science. Dropped both. That thing you said about self confidence hit home. I have none most of the time and when I do I make myself feel bad for it. There's gotta be a way out of this.
It's awful isn't it. I went for psychology ironically but didn't finish either. I don't feel confident enough to try school again. I suppose I'll have to find a little local job? I don't know. It all feels too overwhelming if I'm honest. Yes it all comes down to self confidence I think, least that's what I've been told. So that's what I'm working on right now but it's hard! Same as you, I don't feel as if I deserve it
 
T

Tryin2gethelp

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Joined
Oct 6, 2018
Messages
15
I agree, and feel the same, DBT works for me, there are many things out there, There are many options here DBT MBT etc, so i chose to learn DBT myself (no available courese in my area), it took a while, but I tried and luckily I have a fantastic Psychiatrist, and she supported me through this. I feel that whatever works, should be felt as good. Mindfulness is great, but all these things are tools, they work best when you use them best. Using them best is key.
 
V

Vulcan Spock

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 22, 2019
Messages
73
Location
US
I feel like I wasted my 20's. The sadness and depression took over my life and now I'm 28 and I'm trying to figure out where my life went. I've done well for myself. I moved from people that didn't help me become better. I started over in a new state with my partner. I have a dog. I've done cool stuff I guess but i missed out on being happy. I let worry and sadness get the best of me and I forgot smiling and laughing. I didn't have fun. I was to busy being in hospitals and on anti depressants/ anti anxiety meds to realize my life was slipping away. Now I'm almost 30. I'm afraid I still won't be happy. I feel like I messed you my life. I also can't hold down a job. I can get one. I just can't hold it down. Keep it for more then a few months. I'm scared
You are still very young. Have you discussed all these feelings with your therapist/Dr? If your issues are causing you to have troubles holding down a job, its best to talk abut this in detail so you can work some kind of plan. Maybe get a part-time job to learn to adapt to the things causing issues? Then move up from there.

As far as the blame, you are being too hard on yourself. If you were in an auto accident and were in a wheelchair for most of your twenties, would you say you feel like you messed up your life ? Probably not. You would say that you didn't ask to be in the accident and sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Although decisions we make can impact our lives, mental illness and associated issues is not something anyone would freely choose. Nobody asks to have a mental health issue.

I am in my mid-fifties and have dealt with Mental Illness most of my life. I have experienced a lot of things and have seen how people react to their situation and how society views those struggling with these issues. And this feeling of is one of the stereotypes many people have in society about those with MH issues. Unfortunately, it is also a stereotype held by those with Mental Health Issue even against themselves.

-- People with Mental Illness did something to cause it and are solely responsible for their condition. They should have done something to stop it from happening.
-- It is a defect in a person's character, not a disease.
-- The person is entirely responsible for their present state. They are where they are because they are lazy and didn't work hard enough to resolve the issues.

The above is what you often see in people's attitudes in society. Unfortunately it also is the attitude that many with MH Issues hold towards themselves. Society has historically marginalized those with the issues and lays on the guilt, shame, and stigma. Don't do it to yourself.

Dealing with these issues and facing them head-on shows that you have more personal character and personal courage than most people in society have ever had to muster.
 
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