Having a bit of a moment

Maya J

Maya J

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2010
Messages
86
Location
London UK
#1
Hi everyone,

I have BPD traits (emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, paranoia at times etc)

and the worst thing is I can be fine one day but not ok at all the next, and moods change in one day.

I have rang the GP, hopefully I will get an appointment tomorrow.

I'm not happy with my life at the moment, I am not where I want to be (I have high standards) and I am frustrated and cannot focus. I often lose focus of my plans. Also, I'm still at home and I want to move and see the world. I obsess about other people and what they are doing and I envy them.

I just had a massive fight with boyfriend, bringing up past issues and we have fought quite a lot.
I have had enough of him at the moment. He has been telling me off and calling me spoiled and difficult. Well maybe I am.

I seem to just ruin relationships and want to destroy them and look for problems, I don't feel comfortable in one, and I have so much anger.

I am tough on myself and not happy with myself.
Finding it hard to accept love at times, which is painful. Why can others love and accept love but not me?

I just often focus on the bad.

I am very sensitive and get hurt easily. I get triggered and jealous and paranoid in relationships (really jealous and crazy) even when the guy is nice.
I think so many negative thoughts. I have had bad relationships in the past, a difficult childhood at times, and a hard adolescence. I find it hard to realise my dreams. I'm scared of bad things happening again so I am always trying to control and always on edge. I'm trying to do some DBT. I find it hard to come on time to work and get things done.
I know a lot of this is emotional. I've had tests and I am fine intellectually etc.

I don't know what to do. I'm so up and down and emotional. I am a creative type but find it hard to apply my imagination in this world.

Today I had a hard day, am really struggling. I really find life and emotions hard, and I know every day I am struggling with something (anxiety and depression and pain).

Thanks for reading,

Maya
 
Last edited:
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
31,033
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
#2
hi ,i identify so much with the traits you describe and also about being very sensitive and getting hurt easily
x
i don't know what to advise but i also am okaish one day then awful the next

just sending lots of love and want you to know you aren't alone with these feelings

lots of love
Lu x
 
J

Jacaroo

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2019
Messages
2
#3
Hi Maya!
I just wanted to reach out to you and say that you are important and that you are wise to seek help from others. You haven't given an indication of age. It seems like you would really benefit from talking to a counselor and seeking some life advice on how to not focus on negative things. Not just a GP and medicine--- I mean talk therapy and behavior therapy. What are your goals in life? Can you see yourself achieving these? How do you see where you want to be in ten years and back track to get there in a healthy way. It seems like you could really use some great guidance on how to weed out the negative and focus on positive changes for yourself and not really worry about what is happening in the life of others. Jealousy is another sign that maybe you aren't happy with yourself or see your own self worth and therefore are constantly looking for the negative as if someone would not want to be with you. I would consider my own mental health and being really positive and healthy before trying to figure out a relationship. Keep reaching out and searching for significance in life. I'm a woman of faith and I believe God has created each one of us for a purpose and a plan and life seems really empty when we don't know him and don't know that purpose. Take time to think about what you want for this new year and focus on all the positive things and maybe take control of the negative self talk that is keeping you from thinking those positive things. Wish you the very best!
 

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