Having a bad day

[bluebell24]

Morning everyone,

I've been steadily feeling more positive over the past couple of weeks but today I have woken up full of doom and gloom and scared and confused.

I had a job interview yesterday, my first since being made redundant 3 months ago. I think it went well, I felt happy, confident and comfortable during it but I think it's brought a lot of self-doubt back to the forefront of my mind. My husband and I have been thinking about relocating for years and about 6 weeks ago we decided to grab the opportunity to do it and the interview I had is for a job in the area we want to move to. This morning I feel positively terrified and unsure whether it's the right thing to do. I realise that it's not the greatest idea to make major life decisions in the midst of a servere bout of depression and rationally I know it would be a scary decision at the best of times.

There just seems to be so much to content with at the moment ... having no job has made me feel really bad about myself, as has losing a close friendship, facing up to some of the bad things I did when I thought I was feeling great last year. I know there are ups and downs in recovering from, well the ups and downs but today it seems a bit too much. I'm not the most patient person in the world so I feel frustrated that I'm feeling bad again when I desperately want to get better. And feeling bad for being up to to doing pitifully little while I'm not working.

I don't really know what I'm saying today : ). I know no-one can give me answers re: whether making a move is the right thing to do. Just wondered if anyone esle has made major changes in life when not completely well, and how and tips for dealing with the sudden shift into reverse gear. It sucks!

 

[MissyB]

Hi, hope you're feeling better than a couple of hours ago

I know how you feel with your self confidence and self esteem up and down, I'm the same. Not knowing how you'll feel from one day to the next is debilitating.

We too are looking to move, we spent 4 years doing up our house. Since Easter people have tried to break in, 2 of the times I was in the house. Yay. Couldn't leave the house even if I thought I wanted to, kept getting frantic and having panic attacks - i know why panic attacks happen but that doesn't help me deal with them when the sneak up on me. Felt like a prisoner. We've put so much time and money on our house, our first home together, now we can't wait to leave.

My marriage broke down 7 years ago after a full 2 months (never marry a liar, unless you find out a week after the honeymoon ends and then he turns violent, then you're screwed!) Anyway, I have my divorce to sort out still, apparently even after well over 5 years separation he needs to acknowledge the divorce forms, which he won't, so have to get a private investigator. Couldn't possibly be easy!

There is always so much to deal with, but sometimes it just feels like an insurmountable mountain. Good luck with making your decisions, don't rush them.

 

[bluebell24]

Thanks for your post Missy B.

It's been a very up and down day ... had some dull chores to do this morning that went to see my therapist which made me feel more positive so tried to walk off the anxiety for a couple of hours. That wore me out enough to send me to sleep for an hour when I got home. And then I woke up and remembered all the bad stuff again!

I know getting better takes time but I'm desperate for my life back. Nothing special, just everyday things like having a job, people to speak to and to feel average would be good!

Moving house is such a big stress isn't it?! Same for us, our first place and now I just want to get away. I'm fortunate that I don't have to contend with a divorce too - that must be so hard especially with the added complications. I hope you make swift progress and can move on without too much more heartache and stress.

I hope today proves to be a temporary glitch in an otherwise upward direction. I'm generally a glass half full kinda person but finding that a wee bit hard today. Guess we all just have to keep on keeping on ...