• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Haven't posted in a while. Past couple of days have been hell.

J

Jisatsu

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
515
I'm back from my boyfriend's house who lives a few hours away and I can only see him for a few weeks every month or so and I just feel so low.
I'm supposed to be studying but I just lay in bed until 2pm doing nothing. Crying, laughing, trying to sleep to avoid feeling this sadness.

I'm sat here crying though, just thinking "everyone has this, I'm not and different. Everyone cries everyday."

I feel so lost and alone and I have no motivation to do anything. I just cry and I can't talk to my boyfriend about it because there's no real way to bring up the fact that I just sit here and hysterically cry about apparently nothing.
I see a counsellor next thursday for the first time ever, I doubt much will occur as she'll probably need to find basic info about me.

When I was at my boyfriend's on easter day me and his parents and uncle got a "bit" drunk (I was affected worse because I'm small lol) and I was fine, strangley enough. But then when we went back to his room apparently I was hysterically crying telling him "I can't do this anymore, I can't cope" over and over again.. I fear that what I said when I was drunk is what I feel every day when I'm sober.. Does this happen to anyone else?
 
mr_c

mr_c

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2010
Messages
106
Sorry for your pain,

The real me only comes out when im drunk, the barriers come down and it all comes out in one go.

My pdoc has made me realise that its not healthy keeping it all in thats why its nice to talk to a stranger who doesnt judge.

Hope therapy goes well for you.
 
J

Jisatsu

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
515
The real me also comes out when I'm on my own :(
My parents have no idea how I'm feeling, neither do my friends except for one who has helped me get help..

Some days when I'm with my friends I just want to cry but I know if I do I'll have to talk to people about it so I just save it for when I'm on my own..

I know I shouldn't drink because when I do I get so down and hysterical and I usually self harm and I'm sick but I still insist on doing it when I can.. I think I do it because it distracts me from reality as cliché as it sounds?
 
G

gmh

Guest
hi jisatsu, just wondering how old you are if your friends and family dont know about this. im the same, just getting help for what ive got going on right now and family are oblivious. i just wondered what your reason are for not telling them? brief history i: hear voices and as a result self harm altho i only gave into that 2 nights ago. i hadnt done it in 5 years before that, such a shame. and so my reasons for not telling them are: afraid of what they might say, or do. afraid they will abondon me because im mad, my mothers not sympathetic so i cant even begin to explain waht she might say, i guess i just cant face up to the reality of it all and telling family and friends will b like admitting it. im not sure how much longer this can carry on since i will b getting evaluated soon. just being nosey really and wanted to know a bit more about your famly not knowing and how longs it been going on and have you been able to keep it to yourself easily? sorry, off topic a little i know
 
J

Jisatsu

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
515
I'm 16, well 17 in 2 weeks..
My parents split up when I was about 4 or 5, my mum had an affair and made me and my brother keep it a secret from my dad until one night I personally told him.. I live with my mum and stepdad and see my dad every other weekend.
My dad has depression and is on medication and I guess I don't want to talk to my parents about it because I'm embarrassed and I hate attention. I feel like a child when they comfort me.
I have self harmed since I was 8. My mum confronted me when it got out of hand when I was 12 and took me to the Dr. I refused counselling and as far as everyone is concerned, it was just a phase and I'm over it (I think). I find it hard to believe they don't have a clue because I keep a box of blades that she has probably found..

I just don't like the attention and affection I get when I talk about things. It frustrates me and makes me quite annoyed to be honest.
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
young

being young should be wonderful, except life throws you curved balls, being hopelessly sad is part of your illness ?
talk to your support team, try writing down your thoughts in a journal.
you have a hopefully wonderful life to live, good luck and good vibes....

:grouphug::grouphug:
 
J

Jisatsu

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
515
Being young is wonderful! And by young I mean up to the age of about 14 :( No worries back then!
 
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