Have you ever had a Dr who did NOT understand SEVERE Panic Disorder?

V

Venividibxtchy

New member
Joined
Sep 26, 2018
Messages
1
#1
I could really use some support during this time.

I've had poorly treated anxiety (Panic Disorder, GAD, and PTSD) pretty much all of my adolescent and adult life, many times requiring ER visits (just to be hydrated, and given benzos or benzo injections -- beyond embarrassing), and leaving with a "please see your primary" while they judge me as the least sick one in there while I shake and stare at a wall for four hours crying with a heartrate of 153.

Well, over the years, my anxiety comes and goes, though I mostly try to deal with it myself, through exercise, diet, meditation, calming teas, supplements, and things like that.

A few months ago, I completed an anxiety CBT program, and it definitely was a wake-up call as to just how bad it really is for me (though I suppress it). I was beginning to be able to do less and less in my life again (after a few years of less panic attacks and no medication at all). I wasn't able to drive again, I was getting attacks pretty much in every public place, and was becoming very agoraphobic. I ended up in the ER again. Thereafter, I still refused an antidepressant for five months, because I was absolutely terrified of how it would affect me. I am very anti-Big Pharma, and I had this idea that I would become suicidal while alone, and I was already terrified to be alone as it was. It took concurrent benzos for me to even be able to start the Prozac (20mg).

I had some minor side effects, but nothing too major, and for that I am grateful. I do feel that I am less dizzy when I get anxious, and I will take that help. But I have not miraculously been able to go on zero benzos or anything. I am not completely or even close to "better", but my life looks a lot more hopeful, I will admit.

During this period of time that my symptoms were somewhat treated, I have enrolled in college (after 10 years), resumed working (after several years). I still have major difficulty with my agoraphobia and cannot drive. And I also cannot orgasm now after Prozac. But, I digress.

I actually ran out of my benzo prescription because like I mentioned, I did not take any meds at all for about 5mos. So by the time I started using them, it was too late to get all of the refills by the date. So, it expired.
I called my primary, whose receptionist laughed at me when he heard the medication. I felt judged, but I tried to let it go. Just an idiot in the office, right?

So, I go to my appointment, and he spent less than 5 minutes with me. He told me he wanted to double my Prozac (didn't even ask me how I felt about that, or if I had any side effects), and kept telling me the benzos were addictive. I've used them on/off over the years, and I've always been the one to stop using them on my own because I simply do not like medication. I need to be told "TAKE YOUR MEDS" -- and that it's okay. I asked him if he were able to give me any long-acting options, like Xanax XR, and he told me first -- it doesn't exist, then that it was "too expensive" (which I felt judged for -- I paid cash for my visit! But okay). He told me I probably had some underlying issues that I need hypnosis for (I know everything that makes me anxious, it runs in my family, more than 3 of us, and it is not my first time in this rodeo). He told me my meditation I do wasn't effective.
I took whatever prescriptions he gave me without checking, and cried in the car. I decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist who was booked more than a month out (and was cash only, but who cares? I'll pay whatever if it means being able to work and function like a normal person). He was recommended to me by family.

Last week, I saw that my prescription was running low, as apparently, he only gave me 60 tablets, and a few of those days, I required them at night or after 8 hrs or so (hence why I wanted long-acting -- I spend half of my day being 'not okay' waiting as long as possible deep breathing before taking anything). I've been instructed by doctors in the past that this is safe use in the short-term of course, as they are short-acting. I didn't think to COUNT MY PILLS...like an addict. So I call to try and get my refill, but obviously, they needed a doctor's permission. I called my doctor, and I got torn a new one by the same receptionist who laughed before. He told me point blank, if you need more than we gave you, then you have a "substance abuse" issue. Mind you, I don't really drink, I don't smoke, I was in your office a month ago because my prescriptions EXPIRED after 6 mos...but okay, dude. I asked to talk to the doctor, who actually began yelling at me, I'm not sure why. I told him I understood his reticence as they are a controlled substance, but that I have an appointment with the psychiatrist to manage me better in a week, and maybe he could give me a small number of pills to carry me over, even if it was way less I didn't care. That I was anxious not having any, and do not want to end up in the ER again, I'm still paying off the last visit. He basically wrote me off, there's no other way to put it. I mean, either that or he just has never seen a patient with bad anxiety. He really, really, believed I was up to something. He told me "I'll lose my license, go to the hospital, I can't help you". So I asked him... "Is there anything ELSE you can offer me? I'm not only asking for these particular pills, do you have any other ideas?". Nothing. I was so shocked at how he acted.

I started taking tiny bits of pills at that point. I refuse to go beg for my medication at another doctor and look like a pill-seeker. I drastically cut down. I refuse to ever, ever be treated that way ever again. So I've had a very uncomfortable last week. It has involved puking in parking lots from my anxiety, being unable to eat, and finally today, I'm just downright afraid. I have no more pills, and I cannot refill until Thursday. If I lose my sh*t, I'm back in the hospital with another bill. And absolutely no dignity at all.

I really hope that the psychiatrist next week will actually listen to me...believe me...and have some solutions for me. I guess I just really need some support. I'm pretty afraid, as I still have three nights to work, and family in-town, and a life to live in the meantime. I guess I really just need someone with my level of anxiety to understand that I am not just looking for a way out of life, but for a way to FUNCTION normally. I have never taken any more than my original amount other than in the hospital via injection in an emergency!!! I still feel so insulted as a person, I can't get over it.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,497
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#2
Hi Venividibxtchy, :welcome: to the Forum. I'm sorry doctors don't deal with your anxiety with more compassion. I have always believed there are psychological root causes for anxiety if there isn't an organic reason or an offending biochemical component. Have you tried buspar ?? Buspar is for anxiety and is not considered an addictive problem. I wish I could help you more.
 
K

katersmc

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2018
Messages
2
#3
Some general practioners are definitely not skilled enough in mental health treatment and really don't understand and unfortunately because people do abuse benzos they send up a red flag to many doctors. Those of us who have known them to be literally life saving know how helpful they are and at times essential to our care. I would recommend trying to get in to see a psychiatrist if at all possible.
 

Similar threads