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Have sudeenyl developed urge to self harm

C

Chalkie

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2016
Messages
2
I am a new member and am really scared right now. I have developed a sudden urge to self harm in a specific way, which I am in no doubt is a response to extreme mental stress and pressure. It was triggered by attending legal conference last week as preparation for testifying in court.

The feelings come over me in waves - sometime I am free of them but they seemed to be triggered especially when it gets dark.

I am sure in some way it is a bizarre attempt by my mind to help myself escape what seems like an impossible situation, i.e. going to court, and from what I have read, replace overwhelming mental pain with mental pain, but i am scared I am going to kill or seriously injure myself.

I just want these feelings to go away so badly and I am hoping that once the court business is over they will, but I realise this is a serious situation and I saw it coming but did not know how to get out of it. I think it is also my mind want to say "stuff you" to my lawyers, who have pressured me into going through with it.

These feelings have not come totally out of nowhere - I have had them fleetingly in the past, but only fleetingly, and they have never worried me.

But they do now.

To make matters worse, I contacted the local mental health service and while they took me seriously the first time. In their follow up call however they classed me as low risk as I said I was going to a relaxation class that evening and actually cancelled an appointment with a psychiatrist which I feel I badly need. I even got aggressively questioned "so why didn't you then" [self harm] by one of these so called nurses.

So dismissive of such a serious situation.

I am gong to see my doctor instead, to try to get a referral via that route.

And I am hoping that once this court case is over in about a week these feelings will start to lessen and hopefully disappear.

Is it possible to heal from these harmful urges?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
O

Overseer

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 16, 2016
Messages
45
Location
Auckland,New Zealand
Considering how busy they are it is in their interest to redirect you to something that is unrelated to them. There is no minimum level of "worse off" that someone should require to receive help. Any evaluation could be biased. Think for yourself how you view your problem.

The judge decides the outcome of the case, not you. Its not in your hands, so maybe you don't need to react to it. Wait until you see the results before doing anything.

Self harm doesn't actually do anything but self confirm that you deserve to be punished for x. It doesn't fix the situation or help anyone involved. It actually does not make you feel better in the long run.
 
C

Chalkie

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2016
Messages
2
Thankyou for your reply Overseer. Yes, I realise all the things you say are correct. The point is that I do not want to hurt myself and am trying not to.

Interesting point you make about self harm being related to a belief that I should be punished. Maybe on some level I feel I don't deserve the money or haven't earned it. Or that I have let myself down by not gettin go tof the hearing with a medical note, even though that would have left me facing the same issue further down the line. I am at the point where I don't care about the money and my only priority is getting well. I would honestly give away everything i might win just to not feel this way.

I think it is a feeling that creeps over me when I feel trapped - as i said, looking back, it has occasionally surfaced in much milder form, when feel very frustrated.
 
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