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Jens39

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2019
Messages
1
Location
US
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I try calling mental health providers and can’t get anyone to call back or answer a phone.
meds arent doing shit anymore, despite upping them. I’m terrified to try anything else bc in the past I had horrible withdrawals- even weaning off slower than initially recommended - and I know I can’t handle that right now. Both meds have been increased at separate times and have done nothing despite helping before.
Cant get out of bed. When I do, I accomplish maybe one or two things (like letting out and feeding the dogs) and then I’m so worn out I need to lie down again. Sleep is the only thing that “helps”
I’ve destroyed my growing business by completely blowing off clients and not returning calls. I just don’t care.
I’ve damaged my relationship with my husband, friends and family.
I barely take care of myself. I showered yesterday for the first time in a week. I’ve gained about 10lbs in the last month due to eating to make myself feel better. Food isn’t helping anymore. At least that was something. I cry constantly, but it’s for no reason and provides no relief.
I am a completely empty, emotionless hunk of meat just watching the world go by. I was driving and got into a pretty bad car accident last week (someone ran a red light). I had no reaction. Not anger. Not concern. I realized after maybe 10 minutes I didn’t even get out of the car. I just sat there as my husband went to check on the other driver. (Everyone was fine)
My hobbies bring me no joy, not even in the moment. I keep doing them but it’s just going through the motions.
Luckily I’m terrified of death. I guess that’s an emotion I still have. If I never woke up I wouldn’t mind. How original. I dont know if I can keep doing this.
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
54
Location
South America
I do understand, I am desperate also. I feel extremely tired and cant get out of bed. I feel hopeless, I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of having to continue living like this. I wont be able to do it. Sorry but I cant.[/QUOTE]
 
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Livebythesea

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2019
Messages
66
Location
East Coast
I totally understand...how can we feel nothing day after day - so hard. I have been eating loads of bad foods trying to make myself feel better, and of course it only helps while I'm eating and then just makes things worse. I'm sorry I have no advice except to say you're not alone and while I have been depressed before I have gotten out of it, but medications haven't helped...this time is the longest episode I've had. I am trying to make very small changes to try and improve my mood (rejoined gym to get me out of the house, trying very hard not to eat a bunch of sugar, talk more to supportive people like my brother). Every day is a struggle but unless I do something to change my circumstances will never change. So today I started to fight a tiny bit, not stay in bed all day, and do a couple of things differently. Today I fought against the damn beast of depression. Sending many hugs.
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
54
Location
South America
@Livebythesea thanks so much for your post. Yesterday was my birthday and I felt catastrophic. I spent the day laying in a couch, I felt exhausted. Depression is a curse and as you say, we need to do something to change our lives and try to feel better. I lost my job last may and that crushed me emotionally. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. Sometimes pray to God to let me go. The suffering is unbearable.
 
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Livebythesea

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2019
Messages
66
Location
East Coast
I
@Livebythesea thanks so much for your post. Yesterday was my birthday and I felt catastrophic. I spent the day laying in a couch, I felt exhausted. Depression is a curse and as you say, we need to do something to change our lives and try to feel better. I lost my job last may and that crushed me emotionally. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. Sometimes pray to God to let me go. The suffering is unbearable.
Many hugs to you. I had to quit my job due to problems and depression coming head on several months ago - while it was a relief at the time now it just makes me feel worse. When everyone is at work and I'm just suffering and depressed. And birthdays can be so awful cuz it's just another reminder of all that we lost. Have you been depressed before and gotten out of it? Do you recall what helped you most. I know my brother is always trying to gently remind me that this is not our fault, you can get better - depression wants you to stay in bed, be completely utterly exhausted, not call your clients back and do absolutely nothing...so good that you took a shower on your birthday, believe me it is not a small thing. That was your birthday gift to yourself, you did something you hadn't done in a week. Maybe tomorrow you'll do it again and call one client back. Doing everything we need to do is soooo overwhelming but maybe just one single thing today, or every other day will help just a small bit. Hugs hugs hugs
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
54
Location
South America
@Livebythesea I have been depressed many years.
What helps to lift my depression is work. Right now I am unemployed. I lived 20 years in Usa and was working. I am an attorney. However I had to come back to my country In South America because Mom got alzheimer and we got all sort of legal problems with my father's estate.
My brother basically stole everything and I have lots of lawsuits. The very minute I moved to this country i developed one of the worst depressions I ever had. I cant get used go this place anymore.

Latetly I havent been feeling well. Went through a bunch of blood tests and x rays and they dont know what I have. Right now as I write I feel a rock in my stomach. I feel so lonely, never felt so lonely and scared of life.
 
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Livebythesea

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2019
Messages
66
Location
East Coast
@Livebythesea I have been depressed many years.
What helps to lift my depression is work. Right now I am unemployed. I lived 20 years in Usa and was working. I am an attorney. However I had to come back to my country In South America because Mom got alzheimer and we got all sort of legal problems with my father's estate.
My brother basically stole everything and I have lots of lawsuits. The very minute I moved to this country i developed one of the worst depressions I ever had. I cant get used go this place anymore.

Latetly I havent been feeling well. Went through a bunch of blood tests and x rays and they dont know what I have. Right now as I write I feel a rock in my stomach. I feel so lonely, never felt so lonely and scared of life.
That is a huge change to move home to be with your mom and her illness, and then to get that news about your brother , life is so very hard. If you felt well enough are you allowed to work as an attorney in your country?
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
475
Location
On The Train
@Livebythesea thanks so much for your post. Yesterday was my birthday and I felt catastrophic. I spent the day laying in a couch, I felt exhausted. Depression is a curse and as you say, we need to do something to change our lives and try to feel better. I lost my job last may and that crushed me emotionally. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. Sometimes pray to God to let me go. The suffering is unbearable.
Happy late birthday Marianda! I agree depression and anxiety are a curse. I also feel that I have an obligation to God to live my life to its natural end although I think often of ending it all. I am new meds now and it seems to help me some. I would like to live without them and just have some life from within but it works for now. I hope you are able to find a new job that you enjoy Marianda. Things can only get better :)

:grouphug:
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
475
Location
On The Train
I try calling mental health providers and can’t get anyone to call back or answer a phone.
meds arent doing shit anymore, despite upping them. I’m terrified to try anything else bc in the past I had horrible withdrawals- even weaning off slower than initially recommended - and I know I can’t handle that right now. Both meds have been increased at separate times and have done nothing despite helping before.
Cant get out of bed.
Hi Jens! I think this is a good time to just go to the emergency room. You are at the very highest level of depression and you don't have to suffer. I have been to the ER before for suicidal thoughts. They put me in a ward for three days where I was around others in the same crisis situation. We had classes all day where we learned coping skills and had therapy. It was helpful. I couldn't hurt myself there. I also couldn't lay in bed all day, they encourage you to come up and out of your bed. They were pretty compassionate. I hope that if you go to the Emergency Room, you have a helpful staff of compassionate people.
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
54
Location
South America
That is a huge change to move home to be with your mom and her illness, and then to get that news about your brother , life is so very hard. If you felt well enough are you allowed to work as an attorney in your country?
Yes I can work here in my country, I am barred here with a valid license. I was working in a big multinational company but they downsized and I lost my job. I have been unemployed since May. I really miss the USA so much!!
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
475
Location
On The Train
Luckily I’m terrified of death. I guess that’s an emotion I still have. If I never woke up I wouldn’t mind. How original. I dont know if I can keep doing this.
How are you doing Jens? It has been a week now, are things doing better or worse? We care!
 
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