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have i got bi polar ? or something else perhaps ? anhedonia?/apathy? pls help

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harryresperidone

Member
Joined
Nov 6, 2018
Messages
8
hi there all, just wondering what the hell is wrong here? anyone ever feel this way ? feels so much more severe than all 3 previous depressions that i've had, and they where supposedly severe as i became agoraphobic but this time seem to have lost much of my personality , feels far more severe and i'm now basically mute.

all started after psychotic episode....

im 29 male, 7 months ago my life changed beyond recognition following a psychotic episode...brought on by smoking weed daily for maybe 1 year.... the episode was characterized by delusions and paranoia, ultimately i was sectioned after family members grew increasingly concerned ... this however is not the problem , its how i have felt since coming out of hospital...

. i was on resperidone for 2 months and hoped it was this causing my'zombie state' now on no medicine .... i was taken off it quickly due to constant lethargy , i call it a zombie like state, pure apathy is what i have every day since this first started around 6 months ago after psychosis ended.... i have zero emotions , no anger, no sadness, nothing at all , no moods , just endless apathy that is destroying me slowly :

i am totally agoraphobic now where i was socially very active prior to the episode, i have become a complete hermit that is indifferent to everything even football that i loved before, i enjoy nothing and respond to nothing , find it impossible to feel any enjoyment in anything , i have no moods whatsoever and this doesn't change no matter what i do , i feel unable to hold conversations further than saying hi an how are you , i avoid people i used to call friends , i talk only to my mother who cooks me meals and i wash up every day , its difficult for her , i speak only when spoken too , i feel beyond down about all this , i feel totally debilitated and it feels so much worse than my previous depressions (3 of them where i felt rubbish but didn't lose the ability to talk /feel/think/ feel sad etc ' it feels like i have severe brain damage or something its very hard to find the right words , feel like ending my life ,

anyone know what this is i'm experiencing? a lifetime of this would just be a form of torture, the doctors and psychiatrists say possible bi polar , but this feels so different to the depressions i've had in the past and is far far worse than anything ive ever experienced... its been 6 months now .... anyone with bi polar or anything experienced this ? sorry that this went on and on.... any ideas what this could be ? can it be sorted out? many thanks , doctors seem unsure so i try to find hope here.
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,040
Get a referral to other psychiatrists to get more specialised opinions.
I can only think of the following:
Sounds like more of avoiding situations that trigger anxiety/ anxiety, and also yes, anhedonia, related to depression. The feeling like a zombie sounds like it could be dissociation/de-realization/de-personalization but actually I always find the distinction very difficult to understand. I guess it's an idea of feeling separated from yourself, like you don't exist.

Sounds like you are going through a period of some difficult mental health symptoms BUT
there's no reason to presume you'd suffer a lifetime of this. If you pursue therapy and make lifestyle changes you will likely be able to understand and manage your sypmtoms
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,540
Location
USA
I agree, no mood state can last forever and there’s totally a way to find yourself again it just might take a little trial and error.

It’s sweet that your mom is there for you that’s very special.

I was thinking while reading it like try listening to a new genre of music you’ve never heard before or trying a new hobby even like art or something that you can do at home. You can make tiny steps to sort of relearn who you are. Like maybe you’re not really into football anymore but you could be interested in something else that you just haven’t learned about yet.

There’s so much out there to explore and you’ll definitely find something that clicks for you and it’s okay if it takes time. Be kind to yourself in the meantime.

You say that you don’t feel anything and yet there’s emotion in the way you write. You may feel numb relative to how you used to feel, but your words still show that you can think and feel. Best of luck.
 
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