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Have become ridiculously isolated

  • Thread starter Turnitoffandonagain
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EstherRose94

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“I often wonder whether a lot of 'mental health' problems are not functionally any different from undiagnosed invisible physical health problems.”

They have to be! The brain is an organ too. It’s ultimately where all feelings and emotions and physical pain are manifested to us. It ultimately doesn’t matter if pain is psychological. Even if the cause of pain is visible, you still feel it because of your brain and nerves. So yes they’re the same and neuroscience just has a way to go. Brains are weird and complex.
 
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Turnitoffandonagain

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Very slightly less overwhelmingly ill today than yesterday, but still pretty bad. Walked somewhere, barely had the energy to make it back again. Same extreme dizzyness, iight-headedness etc. Might go back to the GP yet again, but don't know what I'm asking for any more - don't know how I can stand this much longer, but 6 months wait to even see the ENT doc and that probably won't lead to anything.

Perversely I find myself hoping it continues to get worse. Because if it develops from the dizzyness and lighteheadedness and the rest to, say, actually passing out, as I frequently feel like I'm liable to, then I'd have grounds to insist they actually _do_ something. Could probably just turn up at A&E if it got to that point. But it's getting worse so slowly - maybe 5 years since the current bout began, after being a lot better for 3 or 4 years.

I kind of suspect one day I'll drop dead, and the docs will still be decalring it to be psychological and saying if only I adopted more positive thoughts I'd stop being dead.
 
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grentthealien

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Hey, you seem like a kind soul. We have a few commonalities I think. If it is any consultation I’m ridiculously isolated too. I haven’t left my house in over a year. I also have OCD and tend to have an all or nothing way of thinking about things too.

The only difference is my isolation is self inflicted rather than a symptom of poor health. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be chronically ill and not be able to figure out what’s causing it. It must be maddening at times. I’m not grateful for much, but I am glad that at the very least I’m physically healthy so the few days I do feel like doing things I can do them to the best of my abilities without much discomfort.

I read Kafka’s Metamorphosis a few years ago. I can’t remember it too well so I could benefit from picking it up again. It was an interesting read. I relate to it through my body dysmorphic disorder. At times I envision myself to be as ugly as an insect and it often gets in the way of me moving forward and living due to the restraints I put on myself. It is interesting how we have different interpretations of it based on our own life experiences. It is a very ambiguous read so it can mean many different things to many different people.
 
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Turnitoffandonagain

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Still feeling unbelievably ill. Don't know what I'm supposed to do, nothing feels worth doing because nothing is enjoyable when you feel sick and nauseous and dizzy etc. I think something happens during the night, the nights are the worst and the first 3/4 of the day seems to be catastrphically affected by it (not that I feel 'well' even in the last part of the day). Feels partly like concussion from a head injury, plus completely dried-out mouth and airways, plus having been recently punched in the stomache.

The trouble with talking about it all is I have nothing to say except the same thing over-and-over. I'm physically crippled with baffling health problems and my life is disappearing down the drain while I think of all the things I would have been doing if I felt at all well. That's been the case for 6 years now, and for 14 of the 20 years before that.

Lord, my head is spinning and every time I try to breath deeply I have a coughing fit, it's just ridiculous.

Anyhow, yes, about that Kafka story, I read it a very long time ago, before most of these symptoms started. But it really did strike me how it is said something about the nature of chronic conditions vs short-term ones. With the latter everyone will rally-round and offer help or at least sympathy. But with things that just go on and on and don't improve, everyone cuts off and doesn't want to know any more unless you keep it to yourself and manage to put on some level of pretence that everything is fine...quite understandably really, but I can never manage to do it, especially as whatever this is keeps taking sudden steps for the worse every few years.

What really irks me is when the same people who tell you they don't want to hear about your ailment and will cut off from you if you don't find a solution and learn to live with it silently, will, when they get a cold or flu, moan to you about their condition even though it's less severe that what you are dealing with all the damn time.

Chronic illness makes one (well me, anyway) less able to be sympathetic to other people's lesser problems, which in turn makes it far harder to retain any kind of social connections.

It also doesn't help that some physical or psychological problems are considered more respectable to talk about than others. Some seem to be considered fine to publicly talk about while others carry a lot of stigma (something I am sure everyone on here is well aware of). There are symptoms I don't even mention here, which I just feel despondent about in private.

Then you get patronised by people with milder, but recognised, and non-stigmatised, conditions, who you know are just morally judging you, and you can't even explain what your issues are because of that stigma that goes with certain conditions.

Just burbling on because I'm feeling too sick to do anything.
 
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Turnitoffandonagain

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Was trying to clear out some of the stuff in my place (I also have a problem with hoarding, yet another problem that I used to be able to cope with before the physical stuff got bad) and even sell things on ebay (all low-value junk but I have no income to speak of), but I find that an impossibly stressful process, which I guess is part of the reason why people hoard.

If I didn't feel so physically ill I'd be putting all the obsessive energy into going out and doing something physically active. Which would be a lot healthier in multiple ways.
 
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Turnitoffandonagain

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I don't even know where I should post on this site. I wander into different forums and go to reply to people but then don't, because I don't feel qualified to do so, even while I feel sympathy for their situations, because I don't have any personal experience with their specific conditions.

And I don't even know what's wrong with me, or if I even have a psychological issue (though I've spent much of my life going in and out of the mental health system so I probably have).

Whatever my psyche problem is (I think some sort of PD, though I don't even know if my diagnosis in that respect even applies any more) it's the physical symptoms that have wrecked my ability to cope with it.
 
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Turnitoffandonagain

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Day-after-day and night-after-night (especially night - last night was complete hell and today has been awful, probably partly as a consequence) my physical symptoms are just unbearable. And they are all connected, it's the same burning dry soreness and intense pain mixed with numbness and paralysis right through the core of my body from sinuses to uretha. It's pretty much ruined my life and makes me angry but there's nothing I can do with that anger. It's not as if there's an enemy I can attack, or if there is I don't know who or what it is.
 
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