Have any serious anxiety sufferers attempted suicide because of it?

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Mishka

New member
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Nov 21, 2009
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#21
I've suffered from ludicrous anxiety since I was old enough to crawl, and because of this look forward to death like normal people look forward to a Caribbean cruise. However, I am too scared to make attempts myself to die because if they fail you will wake up in an emergency room where hospital staff loathe suicide attempters, and you will live on with the same problems as before and new ones in the form of internal organ or brain damage. I really believe assisted suicide should be available to everyone and anyone over the age of 18 who wants it, and in my option anyone who opposes is an irritating 'do-gooder' Christian who wants to impose their will on others, and who are so astounded by and afraid of the idea of death, they cannot grasp why others who are more intelligent than, and have been through more than them, do not share their horror of death and even embrace it.

Any mention of desire to do suicide and out come the dramatic Tony Robbins-like meaningless motivational speeches with no substance.
I've certainly thought about it a fair bit (especially in more recent years) and I played around with a knife/razor, scratching at my wrists before.

...I wanted to say that I totally get where you are coming from.

I get the desire of people to tell those considering suicide to "not give up" and give all those "never give up" speeches and basically be so anti-suicide.
...However, one thing they seem to miss is just the fact that you want to be heard.

That life for some involves continual pain and suffering. And people who don't understand this really can't claim to be experts, or therefore so ANTI-suicide and preachy about it.

For one thing, there's a bit of hypocrisy involved: since people can be judgemental of those who try or want to try suicide; and yet when the person is suffering through life these same people are nowhere to be found. They won't permit, by their "moral" standards, a person to choose to end their own life, but they seem, at the same time, to demonstrate apathy as far as a person suffering throughout their life.

Social anxiety/phobia has to be right up there with one of the worse kinds of problems to suffer from. I think it's got to be something like being a quadraplegic in certain major ways; simply because a person is basically handicapped and paralysed as far as expressing their personality, and even experiencing their personality. -Since, in the absence of relationship, in a major sense an individual doesn't even exist.

...And likewise: what of "living death"...?

(Another thing with mental illness is how very much in the dark it is. How the average person not only does not understand or really relate, but even stigmatizes those who have it. -So a person suffers, to some degree, the insult on top of the injury. ...a "social leper" ...perhaps that's why most people with a mental illness die in their 50s.)

And now to me: I am so thoroughly tired (vexed??) with having precious little to no social life; including no experience of having had a boyfriend, a struggle for years with emotional problems and anxiety that, even when more mild, still saw me miss-out on making a new friend (for over a decade now), and also for years, being unemployed and then being fired from jobs when I pushed my self to get out there.

At 31 years of age now, I've decided to do away totally with shame (that when younger stopped me from admitting defeat to this thing) and I'm trying all the things I can to get my self out of this prison cell.
...Namely: I've signed up to do group therapy CBT (my shrink was basically useless therapy-wise... that's another story); I've joined a social group for people with extreme shyness and/or social phobia; and I'm basically keeping my eye out for if/when I slump back into anxious feelings (mostly in a work environment since i have no social life) so that I can begin back on medication straight away.

...And, in my mind, this is basically my "bucket list". -Along with, other things I want to try and accomplish; including: I want to paint pictures, at least a dozen (since I am or was good at art), and I want to travel somewhere once more.

If by the time I am about 34 or 35 I am not happy with my life -i.e.: if I still have no good relationships (i.e. regular, involved interaction and rapport with at least one other person) then I figure that I will give some serious consideration to committing suicide.

And I want to be practical and thoughtful and methodical about all of this. -Afterall: this is MY life. And I want my life to be worthwhile. I want to be able to express who I am and to experience who I am.
...if I can't then I am already dead, or mostly dead. And I have no desire to stay so for 10 more years, or even longer.

Perhaps there is the chance that some miracle cure could come for me after 36 or in my 40s or 50s -but, it's all down to chance. And enduring day after day -weekend after weekend- with no body to be with, no people to meet, to have fun with -to basically even "feel" who I am with ...that's insufferable.

People who are too hard-lined or judgemental about suicide- and even, to an extent- those who skip over simply acknowledging and listening to the suffering of someone intent on suicide (which, incidentally, alone could probably deter many) -take into account life, but what of quality of life? And what of being half-dead or mostly dead while your alive? -and the sheer sense of lack of the individual's right to experience control over basic aspects of their life and basic aspects of who they want to be...?

...So, till 34 or 35... I'm going to live as much as I can.
 
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jamesdean

Guest
#22
That really is the biggest argument mishka that people dont seem to understand is that we has people with poor mh is that we dont have quality of life and that is sad because surely isnt it a persons human right.
 

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