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Have a horrible victim complex and worried I'm going to hurt someone

C

Chichester42

New member
Joined
Sep 17, 2019
Messages
1
Location
West Sussex
Hello, this is my first post here and hopefully it's in the correct place.

When I was younger I used to be terrible at controlling my temper and would get anxious about the smallest thing. When I got told off by my parents I would shout back and make the whole situation 1000x worse. This continued until I was about 16 and moved to 6th form college. Instantly I felt more relaxed and didn't make situations worse. I just assumed that I'd grown up and matured and put it down to me enjoying 6th form a lot more than secondary school.

I've been at university the last 3 years and I can feel that the demons inside me have come back. Whenever I mess up and do something wrong I instantly play the victim and get angry at the people I've wronged for calling me out on my behaviour. I shout and scream and have threatened to kill myself which is completely appalling of me as I never have suicidal thoughts. I'm absolutely terrible at taking responsibility and apologising, I always think I've been hard-done-by and the people I've hurt should apologise to me. This is completely irrational and I hate myself for thinking it.

Even when I'm not angry I worry and worry about the future, getting a job, past events, having to deal with my parents dying at some point, having to deal with dying myself even...then I let myself get worked up by some argument that happened 6 years ago where I was in the wrong, but I see myself as the victim in that. I just have to worry and be angry all the time, and if someone criticises me, all that built-up anger gets thrown straight at them. I take it out on my family who love me and care for me the most out of anyone else I know.

I'm terrified that one day I'm going to lose it completely and in the red-mist of victim complex lash out and do something really stupid and irreversible that might cause harm. Anyone else experienced this and can offer any practical ways of bringing it under control? I really appreciate it.
 
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Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,160
Location
Nowhere
n yeah ... I relate very much to that
and Im seeing things about myself in your post
that I had not recognised before

victim complex and anger
I find going to support groups like this
that sometimes I get a ' vaccination '
by seeing someone in the same boat
I think God actually I do that myself !

I get talking therapy , have you been offered that ?
I also go to face to face group therapy
I ought to phone people more than I do
because if I havent spoken to anyone
then the anger will build up

I also find it helpful to look for similar topics on the forum
like if you look up ' anger ' for instance
I find that answering someone elses similar issues
really gives me some insight about myself

:grouphug: 🌠
 
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