• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Hating people

D

doglovinglou

Active member
Joined
Nov 21, 2012
Messages
40
I have no idea which forum this was best under, but thought it's more a personality issue than anything else I guess.

I'm currently in one of my 'angry modes' as my mum has let me down again. I'm only just realising that control is the centre of my issues really. Why am I angry? Because she started smoking again after three months of quitting, and went behind my back to do so! I can't abide weakness in people and therefore I want nothing to do with her. She attempted to pack up before her recent stint too and she succeeded for a few weeks before starting again. I had nothing to do with her then either for weeks on end, until she packed up again. The same will apply this time around.

I thought I'd been on a very even keel the past few months and was making huge progress in certain areas of my life. But everytime something happens where I seem to lose control I revert back to my anger. I didn't even think it was about control until about a month back. But I'm starting to link it all together.

For as long as I remember now I've hated people. Not just annoyed with them or anything like that but I just point blank hate them. I wish death on people, families to suffer, car crashes, illness.....again it gives me a sense of entitlement and power to potentially have that control over their life.

I've been seeing a 'specialised doctor' for the past year maybe? But very sporadically and her only input is whether I've yet started the meds ( sertraline ) she's prescribed. I haven't. She says I actually have SA...and that my hatred for people is 'normal' and a learnt coping strategy. But, when I come away from there I always question whether that's true or not.

I guess I'm just venting more than anything. I just hate people cocking things up for me when I was doing so well.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
Hello there, I guess your mum is addicted to smoking? Which is why it's difficult for her. Correct me if i'm wrong though.
 
D

doglovinglou

Active member
Joined
Nov 21, 2012
Messages
40
Hello there, I guess your mum is addicted to smoking? Which is why it's difficult for her. Correct me if i'm wrong though.
She went three months though without smoking.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
I understand but I have an addiction also. The best i've ever done is 8 months but still I gave back in. Recently I went 60ish days without doing anything. I understand your angry/upset though. I hope in the future she can stop for good.
 
D

doglovinglou

Active member
Joined
Nov 21, 2012
Messages
40
I guess I don't really understand the mentality behind not being able to give up. I was a smoker too but managed to pack up relatively easily with the right mentality and discipline. Been packed up about 6 years now.

And she says she wants to pack up again next week. So again, I can't see why you'd make things worse for yourself and prolong feeling addicted again rather than just pack up now a few days into starting again while the damage has yet to be truly done.
 
Top