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Has your anxiety caused friends to walk away?

5

5wimmer

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
65
Hello,

My best friend, who approached me for friendship when she moved into our area and met me about 3 years ago, who could see I was very unwell at the time and has been a huge support to me and very generous, has said that she has recently had a busy time herself and a lot to cope with and is finding my recent anxiety and repeated phone calls too much.

She says she would hate to do this, and does not intend to, but should my constant need to phone her repeatedly continue, to protect herself, she will back off.....long-term.

I have told her this scares me, and it has.

Has a best friend ever struggled to cope with your anxiety and have you ever had a friendship break down because if it?
 
S

Saracen

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2019
Messages
12
Location
Blackpool
Some people really do not understand what anxiety entails, do not know how to cope with it, and may even fear it. I'm fortunate that my anxiety only has one trigger, children, especially babies and toddlers, and most of my friend have grown up children/no children. I've had so called friends back away when my anxiety has been triggered, but then I've backed away too.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,160
Location
Nowhere
n yeah, sometimes people find each other ' triggering '
she might have some deep seated issues
which yours are bringing up
so its nothing personal ...

maybe try to bring it all here
instead of to her, and you might be able to save the friendship

:grouphug:
 
5

5wimmer

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
65
She has always been a very loyal, supportive friend and I admit that one night recently I bombarded her with texts and calls when she was at the cinema and I did not know.

She has had issues herself and knows I do not mean any harm.

If I back off, it sounds as if things will be okay in the end?

Also, it sounds like she really wants to continue being a loyal friend.
 
Z

Zoe1

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yes indeed, you will give the friendship a chance

before I came to this forum
I was bombarding my aunt in a similar way

she is my aunt so she has stuck with me
but it made me too dependent on her

when I need lots of different people to turn to


:loveshower:
 
5

5wimmer

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
65
Do you think it was a friendly warning or have I done damage already?
 
I

icelandicglitter

New member
Joined
Aug 26, 2019
Messages
3
Location
USA
Yeah, it's happened to me as well. Or I have 'friends' who think my anxiety is just me being "over dramatic", which really sucks.
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Jul 9, 2019
Messages
501
Location
somewhere between here and there
Has a best friend ever struggled to cope with your anxiety and have you ever had a friendship break down because if it?
Yes, it's happened to me with friends and family in the past. The friends drifted away without saying anything; in other words, they became unavailable. One family member asked me not to call so often, because there is someone else who takes priority and they need to give their attention to that person instead. It all worked out quite well for me though, because it taught me to be more self-reliant.
 
5

5wimmer

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
65
I broke down in tears on meeting her tonight, at a social event we go to.

She said short-term, I have caused a change in our friendship and annoyed her, and she said she cannot say 100%, but if I back off and put her under far less pressure, our friendship should be as strong as ever/before. For my benefit, she wants me to get better and be less anxious myself, then things should fit into place. If I do carry on as I am, things may be worse long-term.

I feel so rotten and guilty, as she has been the best friend I could ever imagine.

Thoughts please?
 
5

5wimmer

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
65
I was in the habit of asking her for a coffee or tea in a coffee shop, which we regularly do anyway, or occasionally go for days out, which we do. If I text/phone and get no reply promptly, I panic and text/phone again.

I do know this annoyed her and caused her stress.

In the past, she has simply asked me for space and when given, she has been the one to ask me out for a drink or meal.

I feel I have done things a bit too far this time.

Do you think if I back off, things should work out again?
 
Z

Zoe1

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,160
Location
Nowhere
yes I do, she has not given up on you
she is just making it clear she cannot be an anxiety person for you
I have been thought this myself
I have put people under pressure
and people have put me under pressure

when you feel like contacting her
come here and make a post about it
and tell us what you wanted to tell her

have a read of the forums
and see where your post would go,
probably in the anxiety forum

:loveshower:
 
5

5wimmer

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
65
Zoe1,

Did the people who you put under pressure and backed off, get friendly with you again?
 
5

5wimmer

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
65
Zoe1,

It is comforting to read that she has not given up on me, just that she is struggling to cope with me at the moment.

She genuinely wants the best for me and for our friendship to work.
 
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