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Has Anyone Here Dealt With A Person Who Seems Unable To Tell The Truth?

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NorasDad

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Jan 15, 2019
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145
Hi,

In one of my personal relationships, I've noticed the person really seems unable to tell the truth. Whatever the question - even something as simple as "what kind of ice cream do you want?" - she just can't seem to offer a straight answer. Everything is always shaded and seemingly adjusted to an answer she thinks someone will like or will "work" rather than her own opinion.

If she's reading a book, a question about what the plot is or whether she likes it comes out modified. She just seems unable to express her perception of the truth.

I'm not condemning here, but it's very odd and I can't figure out how to deal with it.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya. Its about a deep insecurity I would imagine. If you have a hyper critical parent then people sometimes find it hard to express themselves for themselves. I don't know if either is the case here - just my thoughts.
 
V

VBA9

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It's either insecurity or a sign of narcissism, let's hope for insecurity.
 
N

NorasDad

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OK, so how do I deal with it?

I'm really at a loss here.

I'm not mad anymore, but I have a child with this person and I just can't figure out how to communicate with her!
 
N

NorasDad

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And thank you for your replies.
 
F

FrancesAA

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My ex-boyf was a compulsive liar! I just learnt to deal with it until we broke up. I just don't see why someone has to lie so more, but it does take a good liar to be a liar. Have you maybe looked into trying counselling?
 
N

NorasDad

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I've tried counselling, but of course all she says there is stories that sound good.

If it doesn't sound good, she doesn't say it.
 
nomask

nomask

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I agree with Calypso. I'm ashamed to admit I'm guilty of this same kind of thing, sadly. I experienced harsh criticism for a long time for expressing any of my opinions and it resulted in me forcing myself to become neutral on oddly small or unimportant things or refraining from expressing an opinion on odd things because I associate it with abandonment or being scolded. It's not an excuse, but in my case that's the reasoning. Course I can't say it is for her, too.
 
megirl

megirl

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When I was younger it was easier for me to agree and go along with what my family would ask me.
Say for instance they would ask do I like something I would have to say yes if I said no I would get in trouble.
Then it got to the point where I would be to scared to speak up about anything because I would just get criticized.
 
N

NorasDad

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Jan 15, 2019
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Thank you both so much! I'm really beginning to see into this issue a little more.

I think that with my particular OCD and a lot of counseling (although not for OCD, somehow they missed that) I learned a long time ago to just let the truth spill out. My partner's family is definitely an environment in which everybody's on stage all the time and if you make someone upset, somebody might not speak to you again.

But with my own OCD, I know I've always camouflaged who I am and how I live with untruth. People without OCD just cannot understand our motivations - how the OCD can just run our lives. So what can you do?

But finding yourself afraid of the truth because you've been mistreated is a great way to develop rumination and encourage OCD. As a parent, I'm learning that it's shockingly easy to put your child in a situation where she feels that she either has to lie or fight. Seeing it from the other side has been very instructive.

If your model of discipline doesn't answer the question "how will I teach my child healthy self-worth?" but is only intended to stop the behavior and, typically, make the PARENT feel good about herself, your kid is in trouble.
 
D

Donna85

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Jul 31, 2018
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I kind of understand this and going through a familiar situation, sometimes I agreed on something just to stay out of trouble especially when I was younger.

When I told the truth when I was younger to my mum, she would shout at me and say some mean things to me so obviously it would affect me mentally and I would lose confidence.
 
LouisaMogs

LouisaMogs

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Apr 15, 2019
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Warrington
I used to lie a lot when I was younger. It came from a place of insecurity and lack of self worth.

I only stopped when I got called out in my lies.

I did it a lot to keep up with the people around me who I deemed to be more exciting.

It then turned into a habit, I kept lying about stupid things, things that didn’t make any sense. I would find myself contradicting myself in the same sentence.
 
N

NorasDad

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Jan 15, 2019
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I used to lie a lot when I was younger. It came from a place of insecurity and lack of self worth.

I only stopped when I got called out in my lies.

I did it a lot to keep up with the people around me who I deemed to be more exciting.

It then turned into a habit, I kept lying about stupid things, things that didn’t make any sense. I would find myself contradicting myself in the same sentence.

Wow, that takes a lot of courage to talk about.

I'm realizing that humans have a complicated relationship with this thing we naively call "truth".

Emotional reality is literally more important.

Thank you so much.
 
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